Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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My mother is distancing herself and I need help.

replies: 2

Hello, This is my first time on one of these, and I'm not entirely sure what to say. I need help in getting my mum back. I am 26 years old with 2 other sisters and we have always been an extremely close family. Especially with my mother. Our parents split when I was only 8 years old and since then it was always the 4 of us. Our mum was/is our hero, and a woman who we have always admired for her strength and the life she always managed to supply for us. My mum always has suffered depression, for as long as I can remember. However the past few years she has gotten severely worse and we are all struggling with what to do for her. She goes weeks without even contacting us, and stays home all day long with no-one to talk too. My eldest sister lives in America, and my youngest sister and I don't live with her. She never comes to family events, and has totally isolated herself from the world. I recently tried to speak with her about her situation and she told me to not speak to her anymore as she is suffering from depression and there is nothing I can do to help and that I don't understand. My own mother, the same woman who brought us up as a close knit little foursome, so easily just told me to not talk to her anymore. It breaks my heart at how much she has disappeared and I just want to know if there is anything we can do for her.

Abusive mother, not coping with depression.

replies: 3

My mum has been a single mother for about 10 years, for about the last 5 years she has become more and more abusive. I moved out of home from 16 and my sister 2 years later moved out at the same age, now my brother is threatening leaving for the same reason. She is physically abusive and emotionally toxic; i would like to know how do i go referring her to mental health services, it's that or i consult with police but that would ruin her career. She is suffering from grief as my father died last year and i fear it has exacerbated her existing anxiety disorder, she has loosely been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder meaning she has no insight into her mental health. My mum won't take anything i say seriously as she takes it that its a personal attack and that it's out of my place to speak to her about how she parents. My mum has no known friends and her family all live out of country. I can't afford to support my brother should he leave school, i'm a student who works part time.

my husband is severely depressed

replies: 4

My husband has always been a quiet guy, has no real social skills unless he's been drinking or taking drugs, in which case he seems "normal". He has never ever taken an interest in our child and basically ignores him and seems to enjoy just wallowing in his own misery. He's incredibly lazy if he's not at work and won't even shower or change his clothes. I think he's a bit damaged from a bad childhood and may have a genuine mental problem but he won't go to the docs except for antidepressants which don't seem to work for him. Lately we've separated, he's lost his job and he sits around looking glum and doing nothing, just spreading the negative vibes. We're still sharing the house but I fear what will become of him when me and our son leave. We're trying to sell the house. He is totally uncommunucative. Is there hope for a man like this? beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Son with depression help please.

replies: 6

Hi everyone, I have a son who is in his mid 20s and has depression. He has been seeing professionals for the last couple of years and is on medication and seems to be coping ok most of the time. He is not working. We (his parents) talk about it with him and he opens up alot. He has been talking positive for around 6 months but lately he is showing signs of going down hill. My partner and I have been going to a psychologist to help us understand and find the words to say to him. During his downward time he says things like"I feel like my life just slipped out from under me. I see my friends and they are doing well and have everything sorted. Just seems out of reach for me" When I explain to him he shouldn't compare himself to others as they haven't suffered depression. He has said Im not comparing its realising that im gonna have to be like that to live. Whats hard is that during the time he has been well he doesnt seem to do anything to get himself better. Like exercise. I am finding that people with this terrible debilitating condition are gentle and kind. He is very popular with his peers.

Help for a friend with anxiety

replies: 4

My friend has had anxiety for about 4 months. It won't go away no matter what he tries. He will only try natural remedies is doing acupuncture, has Chinese herbs and inositol. we think it is like a post traumatic stress as a few things he has tried have given him a shock, bad images and they persist. He had a friend's priest give him a blessing but placing their hands on his head made him start to tremble uncontrollably, he saw a psychologist but talking about events brought on another attack. The worst was when a kinesiologst placed her hands on his head. He got an awful image in his mind which gave him a shock and he can't seem to recover from this. It was about 2 months ago. These series of events/traumas have given permanent anxiety. I have explained that although it is real for him, it is in his mind. He doesn't drink and has never used any substance, eats well very very health conscious. I have suggested cbt and try to help by talking/ listening but feel at a loss. Can anyone relate to this or know why it's happening? He feels he will never recover. We have had a stressful few years but he says he is ok with all of it it's in the past im at a loss

desperate for advice to help my son and d-in-l

replies: 8

My beautiful daughter in law has been struggling with depressionfor some time, I didn't know how bad it was. She had never really said anything. My son had never told me. She's a very private person - her own words. Just last month she suffered a miscarriage - the final push off the cliff. She has shut down. She screamed that no-one sees her, she's invisible. No-one cares, no-one listened when she called out for hlep. My son is shattered too and guilt ridden that he let it go so far. How can I help ? She doesn't want to see me, doesn't want to look at me right now. We had him take her to hospiatl last night, I was really frightened for her, she wouldn't stay, but they promised to follow up with doctors etc. I can't sleep, I can't think, I just want to make it better. He is so afraid she will just walk out and disappear because he has let her down. She is so angry with him for telling us about the miscarriage. He was supposed to keep it secret. I would have suported her through that dreaful loss, I'm sure that would have been better ? I don't know any more. I just don't know. I 'm drowning here. And my son needs me too, I can't not be there for him even if she doesn't want to see me I have to see him. It can't be hopeless. thanks magicmum

my partner has finally beat his depression there is hope!

replies: 2

I just had to share this with everyone out there I logged on tonight to read my post that I posted back in February it bought tears to my eyes as this is not the life that I live at all now I live a happy amazing life with a partner who smiles every day and is my support person my how the tables have turned and this is all due to him going to the doctors and finally admitting he has a problem and starting on anti depressants I never thought they would work but honestly for him they are miracle pills or what he likes to call "happy pills" he said to me while we were driving yesterday wow I can't believe how I used to feel every day it was like I was always wearing sunglasses and everything was dark and gloomy and now it's like I've taken my sunglasses off and I can see clear now and everything is bright and just clearer. since he started on the anti depressants in April he has been so amazing happy caring loving supportive and back to the old person I fell in love with he has not had one relapse and no side effects apart from being happy all the time....the reason I am sharing this with you all is because even though it is so so hard and you may be at your wits end hang in there, there is definately hope. I am so greatful for all the support I received on the forum and I feel for anyone going througb what we went through and I hope somehow one day you can take your sunglasses off and be happy again. Stay positive and don't give up.

My husband is severely depressed - advice?

replies: 3

Hi All,I'm new here, just reaching out to others in the hope I can gather some energy to keep on keeping on.My husband and I have been married almost 4 years, we have a 2 year old daughter.He has struggled with depression and anxiety since we have known eachother. He has never really acknowledged it until recently and about a year ago we worked with his GP to get him on some medication. Which we thought at the time helped but looking back, it probably didn't help all that much. Things are spiralling for him and our relationship is suffering. He bounces from job to job as he takes a really extreme amount of sick days and when the employer starts to crack down on him he finds another job. So a year ago, he managed to find a job working from home Part Time. The idea was that he could take some pressure off himself, work on managing his illness and be a Part Time stay at home Dad, while I returned to work. It was going to be a financial strain, but we would make it work by cutting back day care costs, and I would work on my career and hopefully increase my earning capacity. It started off OK, but soon he began taking time off this job, and becoming unreliable with caring for our daughter. I had to increase her days at day care because I began taking time off work to care for her when he was in bed with "the flu" (taking no medication for it) It got to the point where my employer started questioning my commitment to my job and despite being extremely good at my job, have been passed over for a couple of promotions because my reliability is questioned due to the spike in carers leave over the last year. About 4 months ago, my husbands illness escalated. He had an episode while working and I came home to him almost catatonic on the floor of his office. We went to the GP and got a referral to a Psychologist, who has worked with his GP to double his medication. Since this happened his depression and anxiety has escalated to the point where he can barely leave the house. He is on unpaid leave from the work from home job as he can't function on that level anymore. The only interaction he has is with me, his GP and Psych and one friend who he gets really drunk with a couple times a month in our garage.I have taken on the role of breadwinner, caregiver and I do all the housework and shopping myself. I'm exhausted. I wonder whether he needs inpatient care to get on top of it? I don't feel like I have the energy to do any more than I am already.

Poor support network

replies: 2

Hi guys Ive been battling depression for 20 years, seen experts, doing medication etc but the last year has been the worst its ever been, im on a path of self destruction with my career, alcohol intake and family. I have just come to realize that my partner and 2 grown kids really dont care and would prefer that i wasn't around. I sometimes try to talk to my wife about how im feeling thinking that i good hug might help me out but she stops me mid sentence with "i don't know how to help you" she then walks off. Im sure this is an obvious question for most but is a poor support network better than none at all? I know that right now im as close to the bottom as ive ever been but im worried that if i leave and try to start a new life that it may get worse for me. Some advice would be appreciated

How to set boundaries after so long?

replies: 1

I've been a carer for a close friend that has had long term depression (at least 5 years or more). It has it's ups and downs and when I first started to care for them I was younger and more naive. I didn't set any boundaries when they had a very bad episode some years ago, but we managed to work through it eventually. A few years went by and while they were still depressed it was manageable and it felt like they were coping with every day life, however over the last year it had been getting worse. Then just in the last few months it suddenly peaked and has started to in the last few weeks eat severely into my own health. I'd suffered depression a few years back for a short duration and saw a therapist and I managed to make what feels like a full recovery, but from that I also know how important it is for me to manage my own health so it doesn't happen again. However having been depressed I know how awful things feel and how it feels like nobody cares. I'm arranging for them to talk to a doctor and helping them through that process, but I also feel I need to set some proper boundaries especially since this time we live together. How can I approach them about setting boundaries that don't feel like I'm abandoning them after making myself so available for so many years? What kind of boundaries do people set?

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

My mother is distancing herself and I need help. replies: 2

Abusive mother, not coping with depression. replies: 3

my husband is severely depressed replies: 4

Son with depression help please. replies: 6

Help for a friend with anxiety replies: 4

desperate for advice to help my son and d-in-l replies: 8

my partner has finally beat his depression there is hope! replies: 2

My husband is severely depressed - advice? replies: 3

Poor support network replies: 2

How to set boundaries after so long? replies: 1