Worried sick bout my 19 year old daughter

[At_wits_end]

Hi I’m new on here ,and I’m willing try anything if it will help me with my daughter. Basically we have mental health issues in our family ,I myself suffer too. My daughter suffers with ptsd aswell as depression and anxiety , mostly due to sexual assault,which I was unaware of until last year. My daughter has a boyfriend and is sexually active . Last year and a week ago they argued ,and she did not take it well at all and was admitted to hospital both times into a Phyc ward . I’m worried sick and afraid if they breakup again that she may not make it .

[geoff]

Hello AWE, thanks for posting your comment.

I always feel sorry when a family is struggling with any mental illness and with your daughter who is suffering from PTSD, depression and anxiety which maybe affecting her relationship with her boyfriend, so it's not only your daughter who needs help but also her boyfriend who needs to understand the terrible experience she has had to face when she was sexually abused.

Her previous experience is not something that can be forgotten about because there could be certain points she feels as though she can't talk about with her boyfriend, although she wants to and a reason why she has ended up in a psych ward.

Can I ask if she has been seeing her doctor and/or psychologist as this is important, plus I believe her boyfriend needs to know how to help your daughter through this, by going through any of the top sections to realise how this is hurting his girlfriend and how to help her?

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Summer Rose]

Hi At wits end

I warmly welcome you to the bb forum and thank you for sharing your story.

I'm a mum and my 20-year old daughter also has a mental health condition. I too have worried for her safety on occaision. I know how concerned you are and that your gut is churning and your head is spinning.

I believe there are a couple of things you can consider doing. Please do your best to ensure that your daughter continues to recieve professional treatment. Keep a close eye on her when she comes home from hospital and don't hesitate to call 000 if you think she is in danger.

You can consider talking with the boyfriend but I think you need to be very careful, as your daughter may not appreciate this move. I can imagine he is already feeling quite bad and you don't want to increase the pressure on him.

If your daughter agrees, perhaps you could help to educate him on your daughter's conditions. There are a range of free materials available on the bb website. If the three of you can get to a place where you can openly talk about her mental health this may really help.

I found it also helped me to help my daughter by seeking treatment for myself. I saw a professional to learn as much as I could about my daughter's condition and to seek advice on how to help my daughter. This was day-to-day practical advice.

I know it's hard. A sexual assault of a daughter is every mother's worst nightmare. But you and your daughter can get through this. The right psychological help is critical.

Happy to keep talking if it helps you. You take care now x

[At_wits_end]

Hi thanks for your reply , I have her connected with EACH just recently and Headspace in the past ,she also sees my phyciatrist bout once a year , but I feel she needs to go more regularly. My physciatrist believes she may have BPD like myself based on what I have discussed with him about her. I suppose I worry that twice now she has tried to end her own life after a break up with the same guy ,and I don’t like the fact that he has very little to do with our family ,and she bends over backwards for him and his family. I’m also concerned about her drug use mostly dope ,my brother was bipolar and had schizophrenia,so I often worry about this .

[At_wits_end]

Hi Summer Rose ,I was going to talk to the boyfriend while she was in hospital but decided to talk to her first. I expressed my concerns to her about her safety and the relationship or lack there of I have with her boyfriend. At first she got really annoyed at me and it bought me to tears, as she only just got home,and was taking off to see the boyfriend. But everything I said got through and she disgust my concerns ,and that if they were to continue their relationship , he need talk to a professional to learn how to deal with things better . He will be coming for dinner in a couple days so I plan to talk with them both then .I also have another daughter,a little older ,and my mum whom we live with,so it’s really important conversation to be had . My older daughter has no mental illness but they are very close and as you can imagine is quite upsetting to see her sister like this . I don’t want my daughter to struggle through her 20s and 30s like I did until I got the right help .

[Summer Rose]

Hello again

I'm glad you spoke to your daughter before talking to the boyfriend. I realise the conversation was difficult but so worth having.

It's very important that your daughter never feels you are "going behind her back". She must be able to trust you. You've done a great job getting the talk on the agenda.

So, with that in mind, I think it would be good to consult with your daughter again before the "talk". Let her know what issues you plan to raise and agree on how much information your daughter wants to share with the others. You don't want her to feel ambushed or blindsided.

Do you know what you want to say? I don't know why your daughter ended up in hospital but have a peek at the bb BeyondNow app, as it may help you plan for the discussion.

You're doing great. Be sure to look after yourself too