Worried about my wife

[Cosworth]

I'm pretty sure my wife has postpartum depression and some PTSD. She had some PPD with our oldest kids, and has just gone back to uni after our youngest son was born, which is awesome and I am really excited for her to be getting back to her studies. 

We've had a big falling out with my parents recently, with some irrational arguments on both sides. My wife is very hurt after the argument and is convinced that my parents would be happier if she wasn't around. As a result, we haven't been speaking to them and our children aren't allowed to see their grandparents. I miss the relationship with my parents and I don't want my kids going too long without seeing them, but I want to make sure that I am supporting my wife. 

My wife has every right to be hurt by what happened, but she has made a decision that affects our whole family. She says she is happier now without having anything to do with them, but I think she may be pushing everything inside and not dealing with it. I think she needs to see a counselor, but she is very reluctant, even though there is a free service available to her. 

Whenever she gets upset she has nightmares about stuff that happened when she was younger. There is a lot more involved, as always it is a complicated situation. I'm so overwhelmed, I don't know how to handle it all. I want her to be happy, but I want our family to be mended as well. I would really appreciate any advice.

[ci]

Cosworth you sound like such a great supportive husband.

It's hard to advise not knowing you but I felt for your wife. A few years ago we had a big upset with my husband family he stood up for me and having his support was so helpful. 

I couldn't bring myself to cut our family off from them but the pain I felt having to be around them was huge it caused me so much distress I needed time and space to heal after what was said and how I was treated. My son picked up on the tension and it has effected his relationship with them. 

Sometimes a bit of space is better let things heal. Sounds like your wife could use counselling but you can't force it. I'm not sure what else to say I don't want to give you the wrong advice

[blondguy]

Hi Cosworth

Paul here and Welcome!

You are very supportive and kind by posting...

I am going to quote a few very important words that you wrote

"I think she needs to see a counselor, but she is very reluctant"

Absolutely correct....Counsellor/Therapist...GP. The GP's nowadays have much better training to understand where you wife's symptoms are concerned compared to even a few years ago.A free Counsellor...Go for it!

Your wife is reluctant...understandable but she must go..even if she has someone that she is comfortable with to accompany her. I really dont think your wife believes that she is 'happier' now. I have a family member that sweeps everything under the carpet. It is only counter-productive and does more damage.

A huge red flag here (for me) was the nightmares...Having had anxiety for many years the nightmares were a big sign that I needed to go and see my therapist. Acute and long periods of stress then triggered by any sometimes minor event can result in these nightmares.

If I may quote something else you said that you should be congratulated on;

"but I want to make sure that I am supporting my wife"

I dont blame you for a second for being overwhelmed Cosworth..You are human...not a Pentium Processor.

1. The counsellor...This is crucial...even her GP if she is more comfortable with her/him

2. The nightmares say everything here...Its very common but a 'tired' mind that really needs to vent..soon

3. We are here for you Cosworth...This site is very secure and I really hope you will get back to us...:-)

4. You should be so very proud of yourself. You have a kind heart and a wonderful father/husband by posting

I hope your wife and yourself (and the children of course) find some peace soon.....This can only eventuate if your wife seeks the help she needs...to start helping herself.

Kindest Thoughts

Paul