What to do when family doesn't care about depression?

[gmc]

My family doesn't only care about depression (not mine, but in general), but if the suffer from it (which is that they do, they have relapses, but they don't know about it), they ignore it, they strongly agressively refuse it.

My depression is partly related to them. My psych told me that now when she found out about my childhood, she understands part of my disorder.

I am writing this mostly because today I met them again and they stepped again on my willing and decisions and on what I love and want. They don't trust me and they don't care more and more of what I like or want and mostly they don't care of the support I need from them.

What to do to make these guys understand? Or should I give up and find help somewhere else? What to do so that I can give up?...

[AGrace]

Hi gmc,

It would be great if we could give our families a book and after reading they understood everything, and they knew exactly what we needed.

Im wondering if you have friends that you could use as your primary carers? If your family is already in denial about their own situation, I can only imagine what it would be like for them to have to support you as well. Do you live at home with your parents? Do they need to be so prominent in your life?

It sounds as if they may be doing more harm than good.

AGrace

[gmc]

Hello AGrace and thank you for replying.

I have been living alone since 15, I am almost 24 by now.

I don't know about the book, it's been in my mind for a while and maybe I could convince my mother to read one, but not a chance for my father. Friends... I don't have many, I have refused to talk to some of them because they refuse the idea of depression as well. I found some people that understood my condition, but far from close friends. You guys here are ore very big support group.

Even if I don;t want my parents to be proeminent in my life, they find a way to be. Maybe they couldn't face yet the fact that I left home from early times, but I think that I somehow did it from this particular reason at that time.

I sometimes also think they do more harm...

[AGrace]

Hi gmc,

I was just rereading your initial post, and the clear message is that you want to feel understood. This is reasonable, especially when our illnesses make us feel so alien to society.

There will be people who understand easier than others. You wont always find that these people are your closest friends,  but if you've met some people you feel comfortable talking with then I'd start there.

Do you mind me asking why you left at 15?

If you're currently living on your own, how do your parents manage to make themselves prominent?  Do you mean literally or ist it that they consume your thought and memories? If you mean literally, it's time to set some boundaries. Maybe you only see them once a month in a public space, perhaps make the choice not to discuss your health with them.

Are you working/studying at the moment? 

AGrace

[gmc]

Hello, AGrace and thank you again. I want you to know first that I think of you as a very special person and I am very happy to share my story with you.

I left for high school at 15 and now I am working. My income is not very high and I can't afford living all on my own, so my parents help me with it. I hope to be soon able to do it. I intend to try admission to clinical psychology, but I have a lot to learn for the exam and I am so behind with it... I really need a good mark to be admitted between the 25 people, not to mention that I really want to get a scholarship. Of course this is not between what they want to me to do, but I don't care. I have postponed this plan for a while already.

I really don't know what happens to them now that they feel so much need to control me. Maybe I didn't realise they were doing it before too, maybe they can't control enough my 18 y.o. brother and they want to do it with me... I was always free of their will, but now it's so overwhelming, all of this.

I am trying to see this moment in my life as a very big step forward to a healthy recovery from the so much suffering, the fact that I have this thoughts about them...

[AGrace]

Hi gmc,

Thank you for the compliment, that's very kind of you to say. I have no doubt you are a very special person as well.

I did an outpatient group today that dealt a lot with values. It really got me thinking about what is most important to me, and I realised I'm not doing all that much about living inline with my values. Since losing my 1st boyfriend to suicide back in 1995 I've had this dream to start a support group for people touched by suicide. I guess I'm really passionate about it because there was nothing like that for me back then. So I look back over the last 19 years and I've done absolutely nothing about achieving this goal. Today I had to ask myself why??? There are so many answers to that question but in all honesty I need to stop listening to what others want me to do, I need to start doing more things for ME.

So why am I sharing this? Because I got to thinking of you, and it sounds like you have a wonderful and meaningful goal. You've even taken steps to head towards achieving it, and I admire that. This is your life, and at the end of it do you really want your legacy to be "s/he was very good at following his/her parent's dreams"? (Apologies, I'm not sure if you're male/female)

Your parents might be helping you a bit financially, but that's ok, they're parents, that's what they do. It sounds already that you have identified what you dislike about the relationship you have with them. Rather than allowing it to cause you suffering it might be a good idea to practice some acceptance around this and then move forward. You don't have to absolutely love everything your parents say, do, think, or feel. They have a right to their own opinions, but you also have a right to yours, and at 24 I think you've got a pretty good idea about what you want to be doing with your life.

I know studying can be tough and can carry quite a bit of pressure, stay focused on the end result, and think about how you might reward yourself when you do get accepted for the scholarship...let this be motivation for you...even if it's just to be able to not study for 3 days once you've finished. There's plenty of people here, including myself, who believe in you:)

AGrace

[gmc]

Hello AGrace and thank you for sharing your story. I'm a girl, btw.

Of course I don't want my parents to follow my parents' plans, I've always wanted to follow my own, just that being in contradiction with they take so very much of the energy I have to put into relationships. I have lately some sort of joy for some wonderful thinks that I see coming, I don't know what are those things, but I feel some joy ready to show up like it's been hidden for too much.

This exam and this MA mean so much to me. I feel that I finally had the courage to throw myself through my dream and follow it. Of course I ca't help not to be scared as I my anxiety is very high too, as well as my advanced depression that I am treating now.

I will do my way as I have done so many times, as it was me who took the most important decissions for my future, but I have to find a way to keep myself away from being overwhelmed by taking these important decissions that are not the same as my parents take or would take.

Thank you for believing in me.