What do we do when our son has given up trying??

[Soulmumma]

Desperate and heartbroken......

What are we supposed to do when our son has given up trying to help us help him. He will not talk to anyone now, our pysch has discharged us from her care and referred on to a pyschiatrist but the waitlist is ridiculous. He has hit rock bottom and I can honestly say I feel I have as well. We've tried everything that has been suggested. He is unable to go to school and i don't know how to get him back there. His anxiety about everything is awful and there's nothing I can say or do to make him feel better. I feel we are out of options and GP has suggested hospitalisation but without private cover this is well beyond our reach. I dont want to lose my boy...........I've never been so scared in my life 😢😞😖

[geoff]

Hello Soulmumma, I'm so sorry that it has come to this, where your son has hit rock bottom, it must be a real concern for you.

There has to be a reason why he won't go to school, whether it's being bullied or not being able to concentrate is unknown, but what I would be doing is contacting as many psychiatrist's to see whether you can make an appointment much earlier, if this can be done then all the files can be sent to them once you sign the release forms.

I would also contact Reachout 1300 659 467, these people are trained, wear casual clothes and can relate to kids on a one to one basis, they talk their language.

Another place to contact is Headspace 1800 650 890 or Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800.

I hope one of these can break through so he will talk with them, please let us know.

Geoff.

[White_Rose]

Dear Soulmumma

I am so sorry to learn your son is in so much distress. Geoff has given you the phone numbers I would offer. You can contact these organisations via phone 24/7. They also have sections for parents of children who have a mental illness.

I am curious why your psychologist has discharged you before you are settled with a psychiatrist. As you say the waiting list is often very long which of course reflects the enormous need out there. Private hospital care is hugely expensive but public hospitals cost nothing. Does your son's school have counsellors? Perhaps you can take your son there while you are waiting for an appointment.

May I ask if the psychiatrist you have been referred to is a specialist with children. I agree with Geoff about looking round for a psychiatrist who is available now.

I do not want to be intrusive but I wonder if you could take out private insurance with hospital cover. There is a waiting period but you may be able to send your son to hospital after the waiting time has expired. I know private insurance is seen as expensive, but not as much as you would pay using a private hospital. Public hospitals are often unable to take new patients which is sad for those needing treatment.

Has your GP suggested medication? I know many people do not like to take medication but it can help in many instances.

If you contact one of the organisations Geoff has mentioned you can get help for yourself and your husband. I don't know about Reach Out but I do know Kids Helpline help parents as well as their children. Look them up online. www.kidshelpline.com.au

Do you have other family members nearby who can support you? I am presuming you do not leave your son alone and perhaps someone you trust can care for him in your home while you and your husband go out for a few hours. Physical activity helps when you are feeling stressed and a walk round your local park or simply a walk around your local area is good. Possibly a visit to the cinema or any of the activities you have been used to in the past. I expect you know the importance of self care in your situation. I have found that when I get stressed I tend to forget about self care and be caught up in what is happening at the moment.

I hope you will continue to post in here. Feel free to ask us anything. We may be able to give an answer in some cases but we can also point you in the right direction.

Mary

[Soulmumma]

Thank you for your reply Geoff we know it is largely due to bullying and are trying to work this with him. I will try to contact the reach out crew and seek their help.

Thankyou

[Soulmumma]

Thank you Mary we are trying to look after ourselves and do have support from family and friends which i am so grateful for. He is on meds and we have another psych but he does not gel with him and refuses to speak to him. The school counselor is no use to us either unfortunately. I just need a way to get through to him to let us help......we will continue to fight for him every minute until someone can get through to him. Thank you for your advice

[Summer Rose]

Hi Soulmamma

When my daughter required treatment in hospital at age 13 I was terrified. My husband and I visited the hospitals available to us, both private and public. We asked a lot of questions.

We had private health insurance but chose a public hospital. Better nurse training, better nurse to patient ratio and better age range of patients (13 to 18 in public, 13 to 21 in private).

Don't panic until you do the research. My daughter, by the way, got excellent treatment in the public hospital and it was a turning point in her battle. Hang in there.

Kind thoughts to you

[geoff]

Hi Soulmumma, thanks for replying, can you please let us know how you get on.

Another site to contact is 'Child Protection Crisis Line 13 12 78' this is a Victorian phone number, but other States have their own phone number.

Concerned.

Geoff.

[Soulmumma]

Thank you for the info Summer Rose I might contact the hospital today and see what they can offer through public service we do not have private cover. Can i ask what reaction your daughter had to you when you took her there to stay and how long she was there for? I'm so scared I'll lose the last shred of any kind of relationship i have with him, i don't know how he would cope with us sending him away so to speak. I've never been so scared in my whole life!

[Soulmumma]

Thanks again for caring Geoff. Loads of calls to make again today, and I will let you know. Thanks

[Guest_1055]

Hi Soul mumma.... My heart goes out to you and your son. And of course your heart would be breaking.

I was wondering if you have looked into homeschooling at all? We did that for a while. It’s another legal option here in Australia besides sending your child to school. In our area there was even weekly meet ups with other homeschoolers that the children and other family members are free to go to. They meet up to play sports, go on excursions to say museums, craft days, exchange ideas or whatever. Generally these are family orientated and you may come across other families that have decided this option is far better than sending there child to school where they are bullied. Your son may feel safer. If you think you are interested just do a search for homeschooling groups in your area and they would be able to advise you further. Or just do a general search in your state, you will most likely come across suppliers of education materials, legal stuff or other homeschooling families.

I do not even know your son, but my heart hurts for him anyway.

In kindness

Shell