Wanting to help my wife

[LukeJM]

I am a 37 year old that has been married for 7 years. My wife and I have 2 kids together but over the last 12 months we have drifted apart. I moved out of the family home for a week to have some time apart. In this week by myself, I realized how much I love her and we made a team decision to move back in. Six weeks ago she told me she was on medication for anxiety, I initially thought "you'll be right" but unfortunately things are not. 

I read about the disorder and have come to the conclusion that it is all my fault. I am happy to help with absolutely everything around the house, kids and work but am struggling to deal with the love of my wife. She seems so much happier away from me and anything we have planned as a family. I even said to her that there would be no hard feelings if she wanted time away.

All I want to do is hold her in my arms but most of the time that seems so far away.

[Corey]

hey there mate im a 20yr old male that has been going threw anxiety since i was 14 my whole family has anxiety you have good and bad days and over the past 6yrs i know quite alot about anxiety, in my situation i find it hard to do normal things even like leaving the house and it puts huge strain on the relationship with my girlfriend but we get by, i guess there is certain depths of anxiety aswell it has ruined alot in my life from schooling to work and i hate it and doing the best to not let it affect daily living, it seems you both love eachother very much and it is hard for some people to ask for help when dealing with anxiety and would be a shame to let anxiety not only to not be together as husband and wife but also not be together as a mum and dad for your kids, all i can suggest is to do alot of research about symptoms and what anxiety can do as it can do a hell of alot more then what people think and yes anxiety is a normal function of everyones brain but its when it gets to the level where its there when its not meant to is when it becomes a problem, it is very treatable and i guess to try talk to her about whats going on and whats causing the extra stress and anxiety and what you can do which can be hard as it also makes some people very moody and upset when they dont mean to be and some people dont like letting others in to there anxiety and it is a very hard thing mentally to manage everyone even myself tries to struggle it and fight it but in doing that you bury yourself deeper, you have to be at one with it and give it the room it needs to be there and take notice its there but dont read to deep into it just try all you can to take some of the weight off her shoulders and let her know that hey everything isnt as bad as it seems, and with time it will become easier and she isnt alone and it cant hurt you, its just a horrible feeling thats all, understanding it and letting her know that you understand what shes going threw should help, exercise, yoga, relaxation and anything you love to do is a great way to re focus things, for me its cars when i get really bad i go into the shed and continue working on my mk2 cortina im restoring and really focus on the present and what im doing. i hope it helps theres so much more i could type but any other questions please feel free to ask, goodluck and i hope things work out well and to be alive is fantastic and its a dream of mine to have a wife and kids one day, alot of people in this work get caught up in the routine of day to day living things that dont mean much when you look back at your life and truely nothing else matters but having eachother goodluck

[geoff]

dear Luke, it's so unfortunate what this illness can do not only to us but also to the ones that we love, and it's a common problem.

Anxiety is a part of depression, so she is probably suffering from this as well, and with this we tend to push our loved ones away from us, it's not anybodies fault, it's part of this horrific illness.

Even if you gave her a fur coat this wouldn't please her, because an argument would start about the cost of it and how did you afford to pay for it, so it's a catch-22 situation.

What I would do is click onto 'resources' at the top of this page and order from BB all the printed information from them, it's all free, but it may explain some information which you don't know about.

Do you know the reason why you both have drifted apart, given that it always seems to happen in any long term relationship, which we can't deny, as the honeymoon period unfortunately never lasts.

You are automatically saying that it's your fault, well sometimes this is the case, but it takes two to tango, and if it is your fault it could be a reaction from something she has done, or something that you have actually done, and she has found out, just saying.

With depression we always want to be by ourselves, because we can't bear someone nagging at us, as this just pushes us deeper into depression.

Hope to hear back from you. Geoff.

[LukeJM]

Thanks for your advice gents. I don't have the support network to confide in so your help is much appreciated

[geoff]

dear Luke, I am a bit worried for you over the next few days as you have no other support, and it seems as though you are out on a limb.

Are your children supporting both you and/or your wife, and this will also play a major role as to how you will be feeling.

Contact us now or on Xmas day, for a pick me up. Geoff.