Hi all. I'm new and don't know where to go for help in dealing with my sis.
I need to give you background which will explain why she took this path and I didn't. I was sexually abused (2 to 14) and at the age of 8 ? she saw me in the Uncle's bed; I didn't know until years later. He targeted me, not her, because I was quiet.
he lived on a farm and he'd ask us over. Our parents had no clue.
when she came out with me, id still go to him as 'trained'. She'd cry and beg me not to leave and I'd cry too. For yrs I carried guilt that I'd left her alone and she carried her guilt 'that she didn't stop it'.
she kept the secret, but she was tough and she told him she was going to tell. When 11, he tried to drown her. This was witnessed by his brother, who rescued her. At 14, she spoke up, police called, he went to gaol, all focus on me. I got counselling, she got nothing. Her statement was not used.
unfortunately we never talked, because I was dealing with my stuff and she put walls up. She started drinking and smoking pot at 15.
started speed in her 20s.
our mother died unexpectly last year and our father soon after. more secrets were revealed. Now in our 40s.
my sis wanted answers/revenge. She feels guilty to this day for not stopping it. I've tried to tell her she was only a kid.
she doesn't work, I do.
she has kids, I don't.
i was doing weekly counselling, the past got mixed in. It was hard work.
This Christmas she begged me to join her. It was horrible. She used deflection, avoidance and told me BS. She was drunk every night, slept until 2pm. She had friends over - strangers. I was still grieving. She never talked to me, about anything. 1 night she said she was avoiding me. she told my husband she still uses, inc coke, this has now been 29 yrs.
I never have or will as I need to be in control.
2 nights ago she confessed (via text) to drinking too much and taking drugs. She does it to numb the pain. I had already figured it was a coping strategy.
She tries to invoke me, I don't bite. I've figured out all her tactics.
i have told her, I won't judge, will support her and that I'm sorry she's going through this.
i have asked for facts, via email; will see if I get lies.
my husband is worried this will affect me. Of course it does! I'm devastated! It's taken many yrs of hard work for me to get to where I am.
he doesn't understand, I can't turn my back.
id like help on what to do, say, don't say. I've given her a link to online counselling for A&D addiction.
