Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 2

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

•

15-07-2016

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Supporting my partner

replies: 2

Hi everyone I'm relatively new to supporting my partner they where diagnosed recently although I personally believe it has been a factor for a while now and I am helping the best I can I am currently working full time and my partner is going through a rough stage at the moment and it's a battle within myself to go to work when I feel as though I should be at home helping as much as I can, any and all advice would be welcome as to what you guys think I should do it would be really appreciated

Don't know what to do

replies: 4

My daughter is married with two young children. She has bi polar and suffers badly with anxiety and depression. She is not happy in her marriage and her husband does not have a good understanding of how to help with her condition. He seems very self oriented. As her mother I am torn between what I should do. I am scared of what she may do and I don't want to lose me daughter but I also don't want to interfere in their marriage. It is making me unwell emotionally.

A Bit lost how to help/support my husband

replies: 5

Hi, This is my first time here. Currently I am lost as to what I could be doing to support my husband through a tough time in his life. A bit of background. We have been together for about 4 years, married end of last year. We live in a regional smallish town. He was in the Defences and discharged last year as well. He has had trouble finding a job that he enjoys or pays well in our area. Currently he is in a job and environment that I see as toxic. He often comes home cranky, sore and frustrated at the way the business is run. I listen to him vent; however it has become very regular and bitterer. I have seen his spirit reduce more and more over the last 6-8 months. I work in a well paying job but not exactly enjoying my job either - but I re-frame from venting too much to avoid making us all miserable. If he isn't venting, he is quite and withdrawn even through the weekends now. He has applied for other jobs, but has received "unsuccessful" letters. I have been helping him to do resumes/applications. I also trying to make home relaxed and make sure he does stuff he finds fun. However my habit is to over analyse everything or to put him before myself a lot, try to support by giving advice - this causes issues. I get burnt out and then when I raise my feelings of frustration, hurt etc. It seems to make matters worse. I am in a well paying job and have asked if this is an issue for him, he has responded that it isn't and its lucky that I do or we would be in strife. I make sure that we both contribute to the household (so it doesn't knock his self worth) - his as to be less of course due to his pay rate. He is always focusing on money when looking for a job instead of job satisfaction or his interests. He has said he just feels lost and doesn't know what to do. He is the most capable person I know. On top of this, my husband has daughters and has trouble getting his ex to let him have them for more than a weekend here and there. She has seemed to of gotten worse since we have married. It is breaking my heart to see him like this, and I just don't know what to do to help without letting my own "emotions/habits" get in the road. How can I handle this?

Coping with someone that has depression /anxiety

replies: 5

Hi there..im a newby. I would like some feedback on how to deal with and support my partner who is currently going through a rough time has a bit of depression and anxiety. We have been going to counseling for around 12 months now,its helping but im finding it hard to stay afloat. Im angry and frustrated at him as he isnt trying to help himself. Im beginning to wonder if i csn carry on. I want to understand him more so i can support him,not be angry

How to change ones behaviour

replies: 4

My husband has been battling anxiety & depression for a number of years. He has his good days and his bad days. He keeps things bottled up inside of him, however i feel he gets fixated on things that we cannot afford. He becomes restless, withdrawn, creating tension in the home, which fuels his anxiety and depression. I end up giving in, and letting him get what he wants. This lasts only short term. How do i get him to see this behaviour is not acceptable, without tipping him over the edge. I have tried to get him to make an appointment with his psychologist. It's been 6 months since he last went.

Highly anxious 10 yo

replies: 2

My son suffers from anxiety. It's made worse by my ptsd war traumatised father who is also highly anxious. he has intrusive thoughts and makes weird sounds. It started off as experiments with voice but it seems to comfort him. I've been telling him to replace his sounds with positive thoughts eg instead of making wheezing noises say what a great day I've had. hes been seeing school psych. They tested him as gifted but I am not sure his anxiety is linked to any of this gifted business even though people on the forums say it is. My partner says it'll pass. I feel so guilty keeping him away from my father but it's for everyone's mental health. Mine is not good at the moment.

Denial, why?

replies: 3

Many partners of someone with an undiagnosed mental illness visit this forum. Many carers of diagnosed sufferers visit also that dont take medication prescribed and/or discontinue with their treatment. Both these groups decide to reject help. This usually places pressure on the partner, family and friends. Life isnt fair, but it can be unfairer than what it could be. Why do these people reject treatment?. The common reasons are- medication side effects, attending visits to professional medical people and stigma. There is also...denial! Medication- I tried 12 meds before I found one that worked for me. Some people try 2 or 3 and thats it. It takes a level of commitment to accomplish a good result. It takes time for meds to work fully then wean off them to try another and so on. It takes empathy to their carer of their suffering. With someone in denial, to be fair, they might not have a mental illness. Often partners find them odd in behaviour but that isnt enough to confirm a MI. Its hurtful for anyone to accuse another "you have something wrong with you". How best to approach denial? Calm, quietly spoken, mentioning that ones behaviour is effecting your relationship. That you dont want the partnership imploding. That you will accompany him/her to the GP for a talk. I changed doctors once. He asked me what I had. "Bipolar, depression, dysthymia and anxiety..." He looked at my wife and said "how are you coping". Thats how a good GP assessed it. That he knew how difficult it would be to cope with me. Denial can be seen as a selfish act, even stubborness. Although this could be true, it isnt helpful to lay such claims in an arguementive way. Once you have suggested getting help a number of times with a flat refusal, there is one idea I have...go yourself. Attend your GP and discuss the problem. You can attend a counselor to learn how to cope with your partners moods, outbursts, excess sleep, social withdrawal etc. Your partner will want to know why you are attending. Your answer could be "Im learning to cope with us, living in a relationship where there are serious problems. Under no circumstances should you discuss the discussions between you and your counselor nor mention MI. If he/she wants to contribute they can attend the next appointment. No one can get treatment otherwise. Unfortunately, denial, in its final form can lead to separation. But, that isnt your doing. The above actions should relieve you of responsibility. You've done your best Tony WK

I can't cheer my partner up

replies: 11

Hi This is my first post as I'm lost as to what to do! my partner of 20years moved from the UK to Australia with me 3 years ago, he is younger than me and we don't have any children together, I have a daughter here and 3 granddaughters. We sold our house gave up decent jobs and gave the Australian government all our money for a Visa to live here, I love it, my partner doesn't, he is so miserable, hates his job, hates everything and everybody, he works long hours and starts very early in the morning so is in bed by 9pm. I feel miserable because he is miserable, I'm looking for another job for him, but I don't TV think that will change how he is, he misses his parents and friends. His mum has bipolar and other health issues, his grandma had mental health issues too so I'm wondering if this is the start of the same illness for him. I'm crying all the time and feel that I am getting depressed too, I've considered going back to the UK as a couple and starting again but we would have very little and I'm nearly 60, he doesn't want to go to the doctors, I'm feeling very low and just don't know what to do.

New relationship and anxiety has taken over his life

replies: 2

Hi everyone this is my first time posting. im in a new relationship with a man I was with when we were teenagers. 25 yrs apart and we found each other again. everything was amazing for the first month then once he started having responsibilities it all changed. Hes had 4 jobs in 10 months and is now at a point where he can’t even function day to day. how do I cope, has anyone got any tips he doesn’t communicate with me so I get shitty and it’s just a vicious circle. i doesn’t know how to live with this so I need some tips do i just leave him to suffer alone

What do if a friend won't seek help and it's starting to affect you?

replies: 2

Hi, I'm 22 and my friend has OCD and depression. She's had this for as long as she can remember. I've been friends with seen we were 13 and found out a few years ago that she has OCD and depression. I've been doing everything I can to help her and encourage her to seek help because it has affected her quality of life significantly, but after 3 years, I really am not sure what more I can do. She knows she needs to seek help. All she does is talk about her issues but won't do anything about. I feel like we're going in circles in that I provide her the same advice and support. I am even willing to go with her to doctors appts etc. But I am exhausted now, I don't know what else to do. It's starting to affect me mentally. I've experienced anxiety in the past and have been proactive about it in seeking help, going on medication and learning copying mechanisms. I know people are different. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 2

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Supporting my partner replies: 2

Don't know what to do replies: 4

A Bit lost how to help/support my husband replies: 5

Coping with someone that has depression /anxiety replies: 5

How to change ones behaviour replies: 4

Highly anxious 10 yo replies: 2

Denial, why? replies: 3

I can't cheer my partner up replies: 11

New relationship and anxiety has taken over his life replies: 2

What do if a friend won't seek help and it's starting to affect you? replies: 2