My long distance partner is currently deeply depressed. Being so far away limits our contact to phone calls and texts. Sometimes he answers and replies, mostly he doesn't.
Last week he picked up my call and spent an hour just sobbing and apologising. I didn't offer any advice, just listened, put in a few comments like I love you, we care etc.
Normally he would have spent Christmas with us, but he said he can't be around anybody. After the call he sent me a long text explaining how depression feels to him, and that care and concern from others just pushes him further down. He said he was going to take his dog and head out bush to try and get a himself under control without feeling imprisoned in his house. Back to nature and solitude. He said it was best for everyone including himself, not to have contact, otherwise it would consume him and it would be too late. I replied saying I trusted he knew how best to manage himself and would be here when he got back.
Now all the hours of reading I've done is that isolation and pushing people away (and he acknowledged he was doing that) is part of the illness, but they don't really want that. I texted him last night with just an update on stuff, didn't ask questions, didn't say anything emotional or Christmassy, just stuff like I was planning a road/camping trip with my daughter. No reply. He may very well be in the middle of knowhere with no phone signal. He may be hiding out at home.
I've always loved this man from the moment we met, he is such a beautiful soul. We've drifted in and out of each other's lives for years, and then he'd bail. He only recently told me that this pattern of his only happens with me. We get close and then he freezes and backpedals, terrified. He has had trauma throughout his life.
Do I just reach out every few days or once a week, nothing heavy? Or do I honour his request for no contact? It's so hard to figure out the best thing to do.
He won't take meds, he says they make him feel like a zombie. He was seeing a psych and told me a little about that, but she's now on holidays and not back until January. His GP insists on him going in to see her, and she sends somebody out to the house if he doesn't, or calls him.
Thanks for reading.
