Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Undiagnosed Treatment Resistant Schizophrenia

replies: 11

Hello everyone I'm at a loss of what to do. A close friend of mine has been struggling for the last decade with what we now believe is Schizophrenia. She has had a long history of bad experiences with doctors not believing her and she has a very traumatic and distressing history. She agreed to see another doctor, and got lucky with one who finally took her seriously and perscribed anti-psychotics. The doctor believed it was either Autism or Schizophrenia. Reports from her and her partner were that the medication was going well, though she was struggling with side effects. She was on them for about 3 weeks before something bad happened which she legally, socially, ethically wasn't responsible for, however she irrationally linked with to taking medication (something she views as wrong), so she reverted back to not taking them. She paints the world with a very, very black and white brush. There seem to be things that no amount of conversation will change, and she's aware of it. According to her, bad things are just her fault, and she deserves it. It's likely she won't see that doctor again, at the very least, it will take a long time before she is ready again. I know, as a carer, I'm only responsible for my actions and I can't make someone do something they don't want, but I'm just not sure where to go from here. All the services seem to say the first port of call is the doctor, and the one doctor who took her seriously said that there isn't anything that can be done while she still suffers from paranoia. Thanks for your time, Isaac

Partner depressed and suicidle I'm trying to be strong

replies: 1

Hi this is my first post as I don't know who else to turn to The last year and half my partner has been diagnosed with depression we have seeked help trying medications and phycologist When we look like making progress we take one step forward and three back I'm trying so hard to be his support he calls me his angel but now he's getting worse it's so hard obviously it's cause I'm the closest person to him we argue cause I try so hard to keep it altogether but the pressure is so hard when dealing with all that life throws at you and stepping on egg shells trying to support the man that you love the depression has caused him to do things that he would never do before get angry yell lie all things he never did before I love this man with all my heart I go to docs with him sort his medication support him going to phycologist encourage him support him but by all means I'm not a saint I get frustrated and yell when I no I shldnt and I'm not proud of it hes at his worst now he's on meds and trying to work out which are the ones for him He wants to give up he thinks leaving this world would make this place a better place leaving me and my children would be better for me than putting me through this how do I stay strong how do I help him wanna live again and enjoy life again How can I be his angel no matter how frustrating this disease gets I truly love this man and do not wanna give up on him

Depressed Husband & Pregnant PTSD Wife

replies: 4

Hi, This is my first post and I am feeling some what anxious about sharing my personal issues online, but I feel I must reach out not only for myself, but for the benefit of my wife and children. My wife and I are in our mid 30's and have three children and are expecting our fourth. My pregnant wife suffers with PTSD from a traumatic child hood, her currently being pregnant is making everything harder, and I suffer intermittently from depression. We have been together for almost 17 years, and have had to endure some amazingly difficult times. But without getting too personal I would like to just get right into it. Our marriage is suffering... My wife is suffering, I am suffering, and the kids I believe have been effected and are also in some ways suffering, even though we try as hard as we can to shield them from our adult issues. Currently our situation is quite bad, my wife is staying at her sisters house whilst I am at home with the children. I feel useless and depressed because of so many things in our lives that I feel we've lost control over. We want to sell our home and move. But, the problem I am having is that I fall in and out of depression.. and this has happened for years, which has hindered me from having the motivation to complete just about anything in the house, and personal goals. I don't blame her at all, it's just hard. Why am I depressed? Well.. My wife whom I love very much suffers from PTSD and because of this I have to endure a lot of disrespect, personal put downs, personal attacks and insults, even sometimes a physical attack such as push or shove, or even get things thrown at me. Honestly, I am 6 foot 5 so it's more so the verbal attacks that hurt me more than anything. I try so hard to talk to her, and get her to understand things but it is hard for her to trust my judgement due to her PTSD? She doesn't see how it's all connected, or am I wrong? I am very depressed, I wish she could see that PTSD effects the whole house, not just her. I believe her PTSD causes my depression, which leads me to have no motivation around the house, which triggers her to call me lazy, then gets mad and attacks me emotionally which makes me even more depressed, which in return I have no motivation and then she again lashes out at me. Please, can anyone help me to understand what I need to do? I love my wife so much I do not want us to break up, I know shes in there under the PTSD, and she is so beautiful. Thank you.

Worried sick bout my 19 year old daughter

replies: 5

Hi I’m new on here ,and I’m willing try anything if it will help me with my daughter. Basically we have mental health issues in our family ,I myself suffer too. My daughter suffers with ptsd aswell as depression and anxiety , mostly due to sexual assault,which I was unaware of until last year. My daughter has a boyfriend and is sexually active . Last year and a week ago they argued ,and she did not take it well at all and was admitted to hospital both times into a Phyc ward . I’m worried sick and afraid if they breakup again that she may not make it .

Depressed partner who wont get help and doesnt want me to speak up

replies: 1

Hi everyone, This is my first time posting so im hoping ive done so in the right place! My fiance and i have been together for 5 years, have two beautiful children together and are due to be married soon but latley things have really changed. He has always been a very strong headed individual, very 'my way or the highway' type personality. We had an argument a few night's ago that led to me getting upset and him rolling over to go sleep (not unusually for him to do in an argument) i asked how he could sleep knowing im so sad, because when he gets uoset it upsets me too and what he came out with was unexpected and scary. He said he's dead on the inside. He sees me upset but feels no empathy towards me. He feels weak and like a failure and struggles to get out of bed in the morning, he goes out and buys lavish things (what our argument was about) because it gives him a quick fix of happiness and when it wears off he'll do it again. If i was to get up with the kids and leave he wouldn't care. He is completely numb. These were all his words i in no way think of him like that. He has been on medication before for anxiety attacks but went off it because he didnt like the way it made him feel and refused to go back and try a different kind/dosage. He has said that he will get help and see a physiologist but will not make an appointment to get a mental helath plan and everytime i make one for him he snaps at me and wont go. The thing is he still gets up and goes to work, will see his mates after work, will happily spend a whole day out of the house but if i ask to do one small thing as a family (take the kids to the park) he cant do it. I dont know the last time he asked me a question about myself or seemed interested in the kids. But then i hear him laughimg with mates and it is really hard not to take it personally. The other thing is he has asked me not to tell anyone and i quote 'we will have a REAL problem if he finds out i have' i dont want to be disrespectful to him in a time of need and want to help, but i need help aswell. I need support to support him and help with our kids but he doesnt see this and i can't get through to him how much this would help me instead of having to pretend to be happy family's only to go home and be ignored. I want to go behind his back and tell his friend's but i dont want him to shut down more and completely shut me out. Any advice is welcome and so appreciated. Thankyou!

Supporting my 21year old

replies: 3

Hi. I am an exhausted mum away from my own support network trying to support my 21 year old who has broken up with his soul mate of 12months. He has nothing to live for. He is an inpatient of 2 weeks on anti depressants. He has gone from desprerately wanting her back despite her clear messages that she has moved on to wanting to stop the pain and end it all. He wants to know where he went wrong. Should I contact her and get this answer for him?

Suicidal husband, how to keep myself strong?

replies: 3

Husband has had mental health issues on going for 12 months. He gets very suicidal. He is refusing to go to the psychologist. I feel like I'm struggling to be his support. How do I stay strong enough to help him? It's turning me into a stressed out m... View more

Boyfriend's Anxiety

replies: 11

Hi! Tomorrow (August 4) is mine and my partner's 4 year anniversary. We have been doing long-distance the whole time. Despite being together for so long (with ups and downs) he recently voiced to me that he feels I do not wholeheartedly want to be with him anymore. I'm unsure of why this is because, firstly, I do still wholeheartedly want to be with him and my feelings toward him have not changed over the years, and secondly, I've always made the effort to ensure he knows I love him/want to be with him/want to work on issues in our relationship. He's never been good at communication, but he has recently tried so hard to voice any concerns or issues he has so we can work on them together. I wanted to get some more ideas of little ways I can show my appreciation/love for him. Throughout the time we've been together I've done a lot of research and collated ideas together of little things we can do for each other/how to communicate effectively/ways to effectively solve problems, etc. I was hoping to get a bit of an insight into the things that make YOU feel appreciated/loved while dealing with anxiety. Thanks

My long term partner has depression and anxiety

replies: 3

Hi, I am just hoping to get some answer and suggestions. I myself has always been a person with negative thoughts and spent 2 years of my life in th past thinking about ending my life. I never push myself to see a doctor or psychologist because I knew I had had to push myself yo be the stronger one at home. My partner of 7 years, he suffers from depression and anxiety due to a very bad childhood and many other unfortunate event in life. For the last 7 years i have put in everything all my heart and mind to help him to improve. I have supported him with 90% of daily tasks, I do most the work at home and I have a full time job. He too does have a full time job. I thought I could look after him and help him with encouragement and support but nothing has gotten better for the last 5 years since he diagnose with depression. For all these 5 years he had been very cold and distanced which upset me a lot. He wouldn't hold my hand, nor attend anything with me even my family dinner for 95% of the time. I do most of the things alone and he always decline my offer to take him out. I am not sure if these 5 years i was just dealing with his depression or was I dealing with himself. Here I am 5 years later, being uncertain wether I should leave. It is the last thing I want to do and it would be very concerning what would happen to him if I told him about breaking out relationship. I have always hoped he would get better but 5 years has gone and I am just thinking wether I should consider myself first. For the last month I have been crying every single day and I dont know what to do.

14 yr old daughter with anxiety and school refusal

replies: 1

First time poster in desperation of advice of those going through the same trauma. As I sit here with teary eyes I feel alone and helpless on this path of raising a teenager with mental health. ( diagnosed generalized anxiety and I think possible depression ) Constant school refusal ( 4 yrs ) , GP visits, physiologist, mental health visits long wait times and plenty of hospital visits I wonder will there be light at the end of the tunnel. My daughter wants to become home schooled, feeling that school is her major contributor of her anxiety, I'm actually considering it after years of stress,fights and violent outburst !!!! really don't know if I should though given the negative feedback and the importance of social inclusion. But will it stop this hideous roller coaster ?My husband is supportive and my daughter is in a safe loving family ( 12 yr old brother) who are severely being affected daily be her mental health. We are now waiting again in line to see a physicist in hope they can help with some miracle pill !!!! This is just a snap shot of the daily stresses that I'm sure if your reading this can understand. I feel helpless, like I've failed as a parent, like I'm failing my other child and husband and just SAD like I'm the only one going though this. Thanks for reading just needed to get my feelings off my chest to those who understand.

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Undiagnosed Treatment Resistant Schizophrenia replies: 11

Partner depressed and suicidle I'm trying to be strong replies: 1

Depressed Husband & Pregnant PTSD Wife replies: 4

Worried sick bout my 19 year old daughter replies: 5

Depressed partner who wont get help and doesnt want me to speak up replies: 1

Supporting my 21year old replies: 3

Suicidal husband, how to keep myself strong? replies: 3

Boyfriend's Anxiety replies: 11

My long term partner has depression and anxiety replies: 3

14 yr old daughter with anxiety and school refusal replies: 1