Teenage brother struggling with depression and anxiety refuses medication and professional support

Guest_20898334

Hi,

my younger brother has been struggling with depression and anxiety for nearly a year now.
It started when he first started saying he would kill himself if my mum tried to make him go to school. He started saying it every morning and would cry and yell if she tried to make him go. After a while it happened so often he stopped going to school. He also now refuses to brush his teeth and won’t go outside. He has a fear of bugs and we have spoken with a psychologist who thinks he has ocd. My mother and I are struggling with knowing how to help him. We have both been seeing someone who helps teenagers with depression but can’t seem to find any ways to help him.

He stopped saying the threats as often when we weren’t asking about him going to school. But since he is still young it is a necessary for him to go back at some point.

We have been trying to start distance education as that could be a better option but, he has started saying the threats again.

I have been really struggling myself as I have harm ocd (fear of suicide) but have been really trying to support him in ways I can like, watching movies together and playing video games together.
It just feels like it will never get easier.

I’m wondering if anyone has any advice or perspective on how we can help him I would really appreciate it.

Thanks

white knight

Hi, welcome,

Firstly thankyou, you are so amazing that you care so much for him and are willing to combine as a team with your mother to help him. Truly amazing.

We as observers to someone's disabilities can sometimes try all sorts of remedies and due to various reasons we arent trained enough or knowledgeable enough to make much impact, thats not yours or your mothers fault. It's the same with my role hear, I'm not a trained medical professional so I can recommend but cant give pro medical advice just lived experienced advice. So that reduces your and your mums role in how effective you can be- again, no fault of yours.

Any threat of suicide is to be taken seriously. I've had a brother that passed that way at 26yo. So what can you do? The most important question.

Treat him as a total individual. By that I mean if schooling by any means results in high impacting reactions then stick with any professional advice given. We dont know if there is a historic event that he's endured at school (eg bullying) that creates this obsessional behaviour. How could others understand that? Only psychiatrists can analyse this and I've had that done where he extracted an event in my past that helped diagnose me with one of my illnesses- dysthymia.
Obviously playing video games etc can join a bridge between you and your brother (even mum) so thats great. your objective is to be his best friend and thats not easy for you but it will be significant. Someone he can confide eventually, all his feelings and dislikes. Support means agreeing to his feelings but not endorsing any acts or behaviour that is unwanted. "I dont agree with how you're addressing mum but I see why you feel hurt and unloved, maybe if you didnt yell she wouldnt seem so sad, what do you think?". Such skills are hard to learn but you will get closer by acknowledging his feelings and asking questions feeds interest.
In terms of him returning to school, I would again leave that up to his psychologist. Forcing him by you or your mum wont help, I'm sorry. Both of you, you and your brother have a mental health issue and schooling for him might need to be tailored to his needs, capacity to learn and fears. His situation is out of the box type so out of the box remedies.
There could be ways to educate him in the meantime. Eg attending "Scienceworks" in Melbourne and other cities is one example. Find out what interests him, whats his personal interests and abilities? If its making things with wood, steel, crafts, then provide items or visit places that spark that inside him. Many uneducated people have become masters in a profession... Elon Musk? He is autistic. Tap into that. I took great interest in building things at 8yo and I'm 70yo now and still building stuff. A passion is a direction.

Reply anytime. I hope it helps.

TonyWK