Hi, welcome
Serge, what you describe is empathy, maybe excessive empathy. Empathy is one of life's greatest gifts and those with it cannot conceive how people live a full life without it as without it seems to us as being a life of selfishness and non sympathy.
In reality those people dont have the level of empathy we have and a vast majority are good people that "appear" not to have empathy because they dont display it, it isnt obvious to us. Yet its there. I made that mistake with an ex partner, I didnt believe she had empathy yet 3 years into the relationship she saw a cryong young woman and soothed her- with empathy.
So, largely, excessive empathy is a problem for us because we live our lives like a first aid person ready to comfort those with an emotional need. Such souls are the type that, at a funeral of a family member, they go from person to person giving support yet, fall apart behind closed doors.
So what is the answer to this great personal quality? It's all in the ideal level of perspective. Once you achieve that point you can call on your empathy at any time but you wont be obsessively waiting for the opportunity to give your love to people.
Asking questions is a classic example of "effective empathy" meaning applying the right amount of empathy for any individual. Eg some people might be emotional say over a argument with their partner. Being upset doesnt mean they want to talk about it. So if I see that emotion I'll ask "do you want to discuss it confidentially"? If the answer is in the negative then leave it go. You might find they will open up when ready. But before me regulating my empathy I might have rang them and asked them if they are ok... thats not ideal as I was putting pressure on.
There's been a strong mention in this forum for taking care of ourselves. In your case your family and friends know you love and care for them, they have you as a valued person in their lives, you have no need to prove yourself, but channelling your empathy (as I'm doing here as a community champion) is a means to be yourself and make good of that quality.
Channelling can also be done by referring those people to other sources like GP, therapy, etc. I had a partner that had big issues with a lady at work, in the end I "couldnt save her world" so suggested she talk to other female friends with a female perspective- it worked. We have limitations, all of us and limits that we need to acknowledge for our safety. Put the boundaries in, refer, deflect, recommend but above all keep that wonderful quality of empathy close to your heart because its priceless.
https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/meditation-words-of-wisdom-it-helped-me-for-25-year...
TonyWK
