Supporting sibling with depression who lives overseas.

[Penny82]

Hi everyone. I’m new here. I’m really just wanting to talk about my sister who has been diagnosed with moderate to severe depression. I’ve known she’s had this for years but it’s only just being diagnosed. She’s never sought help before. She can be difficult to get along with But I am one of her only support people.

We came from a very religious family so our parents didn’t seek help during her teenage years when I really wish they would have.

Shes suffered terribly with her mental mental state and self medicates with alcohol. I worry for her but she hates it when I worry. I try to talk to her about going on some medication to even-out her moods at least but she constantly makes excuses. Depression and other mental health disorders are very much in the family so I think medication might really help her if it’s a genetic imbalance.

I guess im wondering if anyone can relate and for any advice?? She lives out of the country so spending time with her doesn’t happen other than on the phone.

I get so frustrated by her behaviour. She can be so rude and difficult and easily-offended. It’s tiring yet I know it’s due to her mental state. I try not to feel hurt when she speaks bluntly but it can be hard. She doesn’t share any of this with our parents but I know she’s had suicidal thoughts. I just don’t really know how to help her. Nothing I do seems to be quite right. I worry when she doesn’t respond to my messaging or calls for a day or so as I think she might’ve harmed herself.

Thanks for reading my long, rambling message.

[smallwolf]

Hi Penny,

Welcome to beyond blue.

I understand that it can be frustrating for you when you know that help is available for a person, and that person you are trying help does not appear to want it for whatever reason.

(I also saw that you mentioned your parents not doing anything earlier. While I am unsure why they did not seek help for your sister, there are people who are non-religious that don't believe in mental illness either. As far as supporting your sister.)

Unfortunately there is only so much you can do regardless of whether they are overseas or not. The person has the want to get help themselves. With that said, and I don't know how you talk with your sister, but rather than saying "you need to..." perhaps use "I" words. For example, "I feed sad when ....". And ask questions to that might make her consider/reflect on her position.

A good starting point would be...

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/supporting-someone

There are other stories on beyond blue similar to yours as well...

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/supporting-family-and-friends-with-a-mental-health-condition-(carers)/partner-with-depression-is-in-denial-and-won%27t-agree-to-help

I hope some of this helps you with your sister.

Tim

[Penny82]

Thankyou Tim for replying. I appreciate it very much. I will follow the links you’ve posted.