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Supporting a partner depression and possible BPD

Community Member


i have been supporting (trying) my wife through depression and anxiety for over 6 years now. To be honest I think I have been a very bad carer not knowing much about her mental health issues and not understanding what my role is . I am trying to learn more and more by the day so I can get better. Recently I have strongly started to suspect that her illness maybe depression anxiety and possible bpd. I have read number Of articles And believe I can very much relate to the symptoms and feelings of bpd carers. My wife sometimes does mention self harm even though I think she uses it as a threat I am not sure if I should be taking it seriously or not. We have recently started to see a family councellor and I am not sure if I should tell the councellor about these threats. I am a bit nervous that if my partner finds out about it how she will react to me disclosing this and also her trust would be broken. Any help would be greatly appreciated . Also I feel like I am being blamed for everything in these sessions like any carer would be able to relate to. Are counselling sessions of any help at all or will have have to just accept all blame. I feel like if I tell my side of the story it always turns into an argument . I feel like my partner is so convincing That I end up looking like the partner who is solely at fault. I even find more of her facts highly exaggerated .Look forward to any advice . Thank you

1 Reply 1

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion


Counseling imo only works with full effectiveness with full honesty. Living in a world of secrets isn't a world that's relaxed, walking on egg shells comes to mind.

I have a mother that I highly suspect has BPD and is in full denial. It's hard for us as we cannot get confirmation to satisfy us and help her.

Self harm or threats of same is to be taken very seriously however, it isn't for you to carry the full burden- she needs professional assistance whether she agrees with it or not. I'd be very direct with her on this e.g. if she self harms call an ambulance, if she threatens to but doesn't go ahead, attend your GP the following day...with her or without her on the basis that your mental well being is as important as hers.

Being a carer is a great role to help and support someone but you are not a miracle worker.

As for taking blame... take it only when you know you are in error, until then if you have doubts then It's ok to say "I don't know" or "I don't think so". It's ok not to know all the answers or have doubts or disagree, it's the other person's problem if such freedoms is not tolerated.

I hope that helps. Repost anytime.