Supporting a depressed husband - seeking hope

[815]

I am married to an amazing man. We have been together 20 years, married for 15 and have 2 amazing daughters. We have always stood by each other, and he has always been loving and supportive.

Towards the end of last year, my husband told me he was depressed. At that time, I asked him to get help. He said he didn't want to and we left it at that and things got better for a few months. But for the most part of this year things have been very up and down,. A couple of weeks ago he admitted that he wanted to die.

I know nothing about depression so every time we talk about it, I ask him to get help. However over the last few weeks he has stopped talking to me, and started sleeping in our spare room. He has told me that I can't help him, he wants to go it alone, I haven't been there for him, and may other hurtful things. I keep telling myself that it is the depression, but it causes me great pain and sadness.

Last week one of his oldest friends contacted me to tell me that my husband had been to see him. He told him he's lost and disconnected, doesn't know where he is, and how or where I stand with him. But his friend told me that he loves me, and that I can't give up, even when/if my husband says he has. He hasn't given up. But I need to be patient and try to find a way to reconnect. I cry every time I think of this.

I do believe there is still love there. But I can also appreciate that the depression probably leave very little room for him to feel/see anything else right now.

I know the priority is to get him help. However as he keeps refusing, I feel there is little more that I can do.

I know he needs professional help and as long as I still have the strength to, I will keep trying to convince him to get help.

I am writing this post basically because I need hope. I need to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I need to know that loving him and simply being there for him (even though he says it's not enough) can get us through this. So if anyone has any experience, stories to share, tips and suggestions on how to reconnect, I would be very grateful.

I know that it sounds highly idealistic, and we don't live in fairy tales. But I have to keep believing that we will get through this somehow.

[TrueSeeker]

I can see how exhausting all this is for you. It seems that your husband is processing something and it could take some time for him to make peace with things. Maybe trying to put some enjoy into your lives could help. Something that you both enjoyed doing together might work as you both deserve a bit of break.

[815]

Hi Trueseeker and everyone,

I know it's been some time since I posted on here. It has definitely been a bit of a whirlwind of a month or so since posting.

To be honest, I'm still not completely clear on what happened. But not longer after I wrote on here, he told me he wasn't mad anymore, and since then our life has sort of just resumed from where we left off. I did try to talk to him to get more answers but I think I caught him at a bad time. I haven't tried to bring up the subject again although I know that it is something that we probably do need to talk about. But I just wonder if it's even worth stirring the pot again.

Having said that, he still talks to me about how he's feeling about the issues he was dealing with at the time everything turned bad and we have been spending a lot of time together. He did apologise to me for some things that happend. And he has been super sweet and helpful around the house and with the kids, and I know that is his way of showing that he cares.

I have also started seeing my psychologist again, for additional support.

I really just wanted to post an update, to remind everyone that there is always hope 😊

[TrueSeeker]

Hello 815

I'm really glad that things are getting better. I think it's really good that you're seeing a psychologist too as it can make everything clearer and easier.

All the best and please let us know how things are going whenever you feel like it