Supporting a boyfriend suffering depression long distance

[BELLE11]

Hi Everyone I have just joined and am hoping you can all help me.  My boyfriend and I live 1000km apart.  We see each other monthly but may only be for a couple of days or a week at the most.  We have only been dating for 5 months.  We spent an amazing Christmas together and then bang the day after I left he went off the radar for four days.  When he eventually returned my calls and texts he said he was depressed and that he is getting help.  I am very pleased as I had picked up on some signs and we had spoken about him needing to see a dr.  My problem is because we are so far apart it is difficult to gauge how he is feeling.  I'm uncertain as to when I should message or call.  I have grown up with a mother that suffers from depression and she knows her signals as I do but as he has just been diagnosed and I can't physically see him it makes it so much more difficult.  I know sometimes space is needed, I just need to know what I do from so far away.

[mum_whohasfinallygrownup]

Hi BELLE,

Sorry other about your boyfriend's depression. How about you send him a text every now and then and a cheery email in the morning just to say, hi how are you doing?

Often enough just knowing that someone thinks about you and cares can make a huge difference for people with depression.

Don't let it get you down, just encourage him to get help.

I hope that helps a little bit.

[Indescribable]

Hi Belle11,

 I think its a great start that he is replying and that he himself has noticed that he has an issue. From your end I think just be as supportive and as loving as you can. Depression is quite a hard mental illness especially when you live so far apart. I say this from personal experience that you must mean a great deal to him if he is still including you in his life by replying. It's important to remember that you also need to take care of yourself as well! I hope this helps! 

[BELLE11]

Hi thank you so much for replying. That's exactjy what I have been doing - sending the cheery good morning message without any expectations. I'm struggling some days not being  able to talk to anyone as I don't want them worrying about me or thinking bad of him because he truly is a wonderful man. It's nice to have the reassurance that what I'm doing is ok

[BELLE11]

Hello 🙂 thank you so much for your kind words and for saying I must mean a lot to him as that really does concern me that he may think I'm just another complication he doesn't need right now. It's scary being on this side. I adore him and always make sure I'm positive and supportive of his decisions. I get to see him next week and I'm so excited but nervous at the same time as I'm not sure what to expect. 

[geoff]

dear Belle, I'm pleased that you're had a couple of encouraging replies, and by someone you love having depression there's nothing worse, especially when they live so far away from you, because you're not too sure how he is actually feeling, so what happens is that you tend to worry, day in and day out, and always thinking 'what if'.

This will happen if for some chance he doesn't reply back to you, so your stomach turns over, churning away, but there could be a reason why he hasn't answered your message, but you always think the worse, and so you desperately want to talk to him.

What you are doing at the moment is the way to go, but please just be prepared if what I have said starts to happen, I hope not. L Geoff. x

[BELLE11]

Hi Geoff. You must have known something I didn't.....I sent the usual cheery message today and heard nothing back. And you're right it does hurt and get my mind racing. Especially when yesterday he was saying how fantastic he felt. I'm meant to be seeing him Monday night....and staying for the week. I have made other accommodation arrangements in case I need them.  This will be the first time we have spent together since he's told me about his depression. I'm really not sure what to expect. 

[Elbelshel]

Hi Belle, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I am in a pretty similar situation with my boyfriend. He lives in the USA and I live in Sydney. He is pretty depressed and I don't know how to care for him with the distance. The stomach churning waiting for responses is the worst!

How did it go when you went back to see him?