How should I respond to being pushed away by someone with depression?

[turtledove]

I've just recently discovered that a guy I've been dating has suffered from major depression for many years.  We were developing what I thought was a great relationship when he began to be quite distant, not initiating contact with me and alternating between being enthusiastic or slow to respond when I contacted him.  Eventually after me asking several times where things were at he opened up about his depression including that this time last year he had attempted to end his life.  He was already receiving help at that time but since has been more closely managed and he is very aware of his situation.  He has described the past year as him really just focussing on surviving, and has realised that he's not yet ready to get involved with anyone.  He described having lost self esteem and confidence and not wanting to hurt me.

My question is - as the person who he has been cut loose from a developing relationship, do I still try and keep in touch?  I feel that we had begun to get quite close, and knowing that only a few people are aware of what he went though it makes me feel a sense of responsibility now that he has shared something so personal with me.  I'm more than happy to be there in anyway that he needs, but I'm conscious of not wanting to make him feel pressured if really he would rather not have me around.  I would like to hear based on other people experiences - how do you generally hope people you care about will respond when you push them away?

Thanks

[HA1]

Firstly, you are not responsible for what has been.But I know that it would be important for him to know that you care, and therefore, keeping in touch.  That he shared it with you shows how much he values you as a friend/lover.  You need to understand that us who suffer from this illness, sometimes need time alone.  This is no reflection of how we feel about our partner, it is just what we need.  If I wanted space alone, which is what I am looking for, I can only hope that my partner will understand that I need this for myself, for my recovery.  It is not because I want to cut them away.  It is a very confusing sense of feelings and even harder to try and explain.

But that you already appear to understand this, puts you miles ahead of others.

[turtledove]

Thank you for this reply - it makes sense to me.  It sounds like I should be there in the background with him knowing that I'm willing to receive contact if or when he's ready.  I think knowing what to do would be less difficult if we had only been friends, as then I wouldn't also be dealing with my hurt feelings regarding the relationship.  I've been in this situation before where I put a lot of time and energy into waiting/being there for someone and in the end when they wanted a clean start I was completely cut off.  However the past is not the present and I don't want to prejudge this situation.