Some help on what to do

[Doing-mybest]

Hi, where to start-been with my partner 6 years. He was a different person when we met and his demons have taken over and he is a shell of himself. Few very quick things: we haven’t been intimate in 5.5 years-no kissing, touching anything; he wanted to move away from where I had everything to a new town where I am so alone my own mental health is struggling, I am basically parenting our two very young (3 and 8month old) children-because he can’t help-he hasn’t once changed a nappy of our 8 month old; he doesn’t work-is on leave due to his illness, I’m  back full time but do everything-I mean everything-he sits home all; he doesn’t like when I have to stay at work to do my job-yet he does anything he wants; he tells me constantly I’m scary, I look funny, I say things in the wrong way (tone); he says I forget everything-funnily it’s just the conversations with him; our children are ivf and he tells me now he doesn’t want them-never did; I am paying all the bills basically off credit and getting more and more in trouble and he doesn’t care not help and says I’m rubbish at being a mum and my job-there and lots more but just get too sad thinking about it. Every few days is just another blow up at me about something I don’t even understand. 

The worst thing he tells me I don’t understand, I don’t get it and I don’t care. I reply with I don’t understand I’m sorry, I am have empathy for your situation and I care very much. 

I feel like he lies about getting help, our gp suggested a session with ‘his’ psyc together-he refuses to tell me who they are or when he goes. Not that I care, but just want him to talk to someone. 

I am so lost, I am tired and exhausted and don’t know what to do. I know he is there somewhere, but I can’t keep doing this. 

Please someone, anyone help with some advice, direction or anything. 

just a mum trying to do her best and survive. 

[Croix]

Dear Doing-mybest~

Welcome here to the Forum. Sadly if you look around you will see others in a similar position, bearing all the load of the family wiht no support from their partner. In fact of the 6 years you have been together only the first 6 months sounds better.

I'm sure the name you chose is true, you are certainly doing your best, and as credit builds up cannot last. It is also harmful to you - nobody is an infinite well of strenght. If it was me  I'd feel I was worth little, angry, frustrated and lonely as well as overwhelmed by the financial situation plus always exhausted.

I'm guessing you must have wanted children to use IVF and am glad it worked for you.

Being criticized for being a bad mother is rubbish, and so are the other cruel remarks he makes plus it is obvious he has no love for the children.

I am not sure that his seeing a GP or even a psych would be that helpful. After all they will only know what he tells them, not the facts.

He has put you in the position of being an ill-treated servant - and that sort of behavior is abuse. May I suggest the first thing to do would be to contact 1800RESPECT who are the experts in this field and talk with  them abut your situation. If it is not something you have experienced before you met him it may come as a surprise how bad it is.

They should be able to give you useful advice. On a personal level may I ask if you have a family member or friend to lean on? They only have to listen and care. Facing all this alone is very hard.

You know you are welcome here anytime

Croix