Partners shyness and severe social anxiety is killing our relationship.

[KrissyK]

Hi, I need some advice on how to cope with my partners severe shyness and social anxiety. We are both in our 30s and have known each other for 18 years, been in a relationship for a year, getting married next year. He is the most wonderful, caring, loving man ive ever met, I love him dearly but his anxiety issues are having an intense impact on our lives. He does not socialize in any situation, he sits and just listens, he has no friends except for me and panics if I want to leave the house to see friends or anything without him. He follows me around the house constantly and whenever I say I need some space for a few hours he refuses to listen and respect it. He does not like any time alone and I am at the end of my rope.

Help me:(

[Zeal]

Hi Krissy,

It's great you're getting married next year 🙂 It's pretty great that you two have also known each other for 18 years. It must be hard when the person you love so much is struggling with social anxiety. Has this been a long-term, or even life-long problem for him? Has your partner seen a counsellor or psychologist before? It would be a great idea for him to see a psychologist - you could go to the appointments with him so you can even better understand how he's feeling and what will help him.

It must be difficult for you to be independent in many aspects of your life if your partner is unable to cope with this. I crave alone time, so I can understand how not having this would be frustrating. Your partner's social anxiety sounds quite extensive, so seeing a counsellor or psychologist seems like the best option.

Good luck with getting help for your partner 🙂

Best wishes,

SM

[shyviolet79]

Hi Krissy 🙂 I am in my mid-thirties and have severe shyness and social anxiety. I've always had it, but it got worse once I had kids and got to the point where I could barely walk out the front door, and I became very dependant on my partner. This was very unhealthy and placed a huge burden on him and our relationship. We haven't been together for a very long time now, and I am a fair bit better ~ but it took many years of therapy and simply being forced to tackle my anxiety (as my partner left the kids and I)... I'm not suggesting that you leave your partner at all 🙂 You sound so understanding and supportive! But you do deserve to have your own space and to be able to go out without your fiancé sometimes.  I imagine he is probably reluctant to seek help, but in my experience, social anxiety will only get worse if it isn't confronted...My counsellor called me the 'queen of avoidance' as I got very clever at making excuses or finding any little reason to not attend social events (eg BBQ, playgroup). I am still not able to work and don't hardly socialize, but I can do so much more than I ever used to ~ I say this to you to give you a little hope that things can improve, but it can take a long time too... You obviously care so much about him, and I'm sure he loves you just as much, but it is important for you to be able to express to him that your needs are important too...He has intense anxiety, which I know is terrible and debilitating, and it sounds like you do a wonderful job supporting him! But for your own personal wellbeing, you have the right to take a little time out for yourself too...If your partner can step back a bit from his anxiety/fear, hopefully he would see this 🙂 If you can encourage him to see a counsellor/psychologist, I think that could be a huge help to him (and perhaps reduce some of the stress from your own shoulders) I have been seeing a psychologist for many years and can honestly say that this therapy is the one thing that has helped me the most!

Hang in there! Hopefully things will improve in time 🙂