Partner with PTSD need help

[Bethie]

Hi

My partner has PTSD and was ok in till a recent accident cause him to get amnesia. As his memory is starting to come back so has his PTSD. I didn' even know he saw active duty untill August this year. It seems that he kept being infantry in East Timour a secrect. I'e had to get the ambulance and police to take him to hospital a few times now dye to the fact that when he' been asleep he starts reliving everything he saw and did under orders and has grabbed ahold of me a few times thinking I was the enemy. On some level he still knows it' me and doesn' hurt me. I didn' know untill recently that for over 20 years he had used a very very small amount of marihuana a day to help. He told me he's tried everything else including hypmo theropy and acupuncture after he got out but nothing worked long term. He' now taking very small amounts of smoke again but is on anti anxiety/anti depressants meds. It' been a week today since his last attack but I'm really scared. I suffer chronic anxiety and depression myself and at times totally break down. We have a 14 year old son who thank God gets people to talk to about his Dad via Army Cadets which helps.

If anyone has been through anything like this please please I need advice. Most of the guys my partner served with have passed away now. The last one only a few months ago. My partner feels he should have been there for him. Reality is the guy suffered a brain tumour and died suddenly at 48. It was nothing to do with his military service but since he saved my partners life and vise versa my parter has taken it very hard. I' struggling. Part of me hates the Army so bad and seeing my son hell bent on going into infantry when he' 17 breaks my heart. I want to wrap my partner in cotton wool and never take my eyes of him. If I could I'd take his pain away and bear it myself. But I can't. We talked today and he wants me to get help but I'm scared. So much I learnt is highly classfied and I don't want to open things better left buried for good reason. How do people handle this sort of thing?

[Bethie]

Thank guys

I hope you don' mind me using this as a bit of a kinda journal most days but it helps reading back.

Day 2 since my partners last melt down.our son started his first job yesterday afternoon and has started ridding with his mates again after breaking his collar bone 4 months ago.

Even our 2 dogs are calming down. My Staffy still sleeps curled around my legs and our border collie wount leave my partners side when he' out in the garden.

Yesterday I went into the garden where my old dog is buried and even though it' been 13 years sat down next to his grave and talked to him and cried. I was given him as a pup when going through bad prenatal depression. It was really healing.

I know things take time and the anxiety attacks may come and go dispite meds but taking positive actions to reclaim me as a person not just a carer are helping us both.

Heco I even found a little boat hull for free on gumtree because I tend to run a bit ruff leading up to the anniversary of 2011 here in Brisbane. My neighbour said she gets the same fears and is happy we now have a way out instead of being trapped again.

My mantra for today....Good things happen when you admit your not infalable

[Croix]

Dear Bethie~

I really like the fact you went and found that boat hull. It is both a practical step to take if water ever comes back, but just as importantly is you taking charge and not being held hostage by that experience.

The love you have for that dog is a real blessing, even if sad. Talking does help. I'm glad you have another dog now, they make the world of difference, my partner says pets turn a house into a home.

Croix

[Bethie]

Today was a bit ruff. My son went back to the indoor skate park for his first ride since breaking his collar bone 3 months ago doing stunts with mates that take part in the X games. Went out and brought a generator because we've lost power a few time lately and i tend to freak out. Let my partner go to the servo just 2 blocks from home on his own since he had the accident where he hit his head and got amnesia 6 months ago. I thought I'd be ok but he found me on the front veranda only 10min after leaving home rocking, shaking and crying. He told me he saw one of our neighbours there and caught up for a few min.

I suppose it's 3 steps forward 2 back sometimes.

[Croix]

Dear Bethie~

I think it is more like 3 forward, only 1 back. You are writing about something that happens. I've been frozen with the mind exploring every possible bad alternative to the extent I've not known where I was and been brought out of it by my partner.

To start with I did not realize what was happening and simply lived the experience. As time went on I became more aware until I knew I was in a state, this was comforting and allowed me to work towards getting out of it (it helps to be a bit stubborn). I try to think of something not related.

A horrible experience for you, your husband does sound better now

Croix

[Bethie]

Maybe I should be on here tonight.I'm kinda running a bit ruff after being so positive for a few days.

I decided to sell my car and get 1 with more room since well teenage boys grow super fast and my son needs extra leg room in the back now. Anyway I put it on gumtree at a well below list price and 1 guy came around to buy it. I don' handle that type of thing very well so because my partner was having a good day decided to let him handle the sale.

The guy wanted to take it on a long test drive through peak hour traffic on his own. I can see a major freeway from my house that's a parking lot Friday afternoons with more nose to tail accidents than dogs at the dog park so my partner said no sorry but I can come with you to drive around the block. The guy abused my partner calling him extremely rude. Like hello my partner had just taken his meds and was in a totally relaxed frame of mind.

Then while I was typing this my best friend and neighbour came over to ask for help because her cat had passed away and she couldn't bring herself to look at him or move him from her lounge room tiles. Poor thing. He was sick last night and we tried everything to get fluids into him.

So basically I'm ranting and letting out emotions atm sorry guys to just dump everything here.

[Croix]

Dear Bethie~

I think your partner was spot-on, even if you are insured the hassles and out of pocket expenses if he has an accident would be a real hassle. I hope your partner was not too affected by this rudeness. Let's hope you get someone else interested.

Losing a pet is a terrible thing, so I can quite understand your friend needed help - it was lucky you were there for her.

So telling it all here is good. You have to be able to talk.

Croix

[Bethie]

Today I'm just flat. 7 months of battling and everything has finally finished. The new cars sitting in the drive and getting a RWC and rego tomorrow. The old ones gone. Christmas is all ready. Still got a little bit in the bank. Not much but a few hundred in case more drama happens. My husband I'm finally able to not worry so much about. He suffers retrograde amnesia atm as well as PTSD so best anyone can say is now he's less stressed his memory will return more as his mind can cope.

It feels strange to not have any dramas going on. It' just not me.

Picked up alcohol at 12 to stop the pain because of my parents breaking up. Got married at 19 to a guy I just met to get away from a violent step Dad but ended up involved with really bad people for a very long time. Left that marrige to get sober. Met my partner. Had a baby. Died for close to a minute in child birth. Then between my family being in bushfires and floods it' never really stopped.

Seems like finally I'm getting a break and it' the strangest feeling to not have to look after anything or anyone.

Its just not the me I know.

My oldest sister allways says she does not have control issues. She doesn't have issues with her control. Maybe that's me.

[Croix]

Dear Bethie~

"now he's less stressed his memory will return more as his mind can cope."

That is exactly what my psych says and it is - at least in my case - correct. Memories I'd either put to one side or else were 'intellectual knowledge only' wiht no emotion have been coming back over (a very long) time. Frankly it has been a good way to do things -if one can say that:). The reactions have been much less and a lot easier to deal with.

As for no dramas - great! Maybe you will have a decent Christmas. You certainly deserve it, as does your partner.

Croix

[Bethie]

Thank Croix

At first I did everything including peppermint oil to open his nural pathways and sure it worked but as my husband described it one day the memoris came back so fast it felt like he was being hit in the head by a freight train. The migrane would leave him screaming in pain.

Thats how his PTSD was triggered again. I found old platoon photos and details of a investigation into what had happened. Without meaning to I reversed memory replacement theropy.

Kinda suxs here I am with a mum who was one of the top psychiatric sisters in the country before retiring and pioneerd mind management/ meditation for drug and alcohl treatment. A sister who worked for a neurologist for over a decade and heck even Dad sat on the board for relationships Australia and I go and do something stupid like reversing my partners work because he was never able to tell me truth.

Luckly it's been 2 weeks now and he thinks once again he learnt to cook in the Army and did martial arts as a kid to explain how much he can do.

He's started training again just mild on the punching bag and doing Kata a few times a day. It clears his mind he tells me.

I suppose that's good. With everything I don't know if I'll ever drop my guard for warning signs but because of how much I love him I can live with that.

[Croix]

Dear Bethie~

You are not floundering in the dark, your background gives you insight into how PTSD works and helps you get things right. So there are mistakes, they are allowed. If your husband had been able to confide in you it would have been different, but he could not, so this was an unfortunate by-product.

It gives you more understanding and I would expect brings the two of you closer together -not all bad.

Does not matter if you keep your guard up, from my experience triggers will pop up unanticipated, coping is the best one can plan and hope for, and as I said before it gets a lot better as time goes on.

Croix