Partner with PTSD need help

[Bethie]

Hi

My partner has PTSD and was ok in till a recent accident cause him to get amnesia. As his memory is starting to come back so has his PTSD. I didn' even know he saw active duty untill August this year. It seems that he kept being infantry in East Timour a secrect. I'e had to get the ambulance and police to take him to hospital a few times now dye to the fact that when he' been asleep he starts reliving everything he saw and did under orders and has grabbed ahold of me a few times thinking I was the enemy. On some level he still knows it' me and doesn' hurt me. I didn' know untill recently that for over 20 years he had used a very very small amount of marihuana a day to help. He told me he's tried everything else including hypmo theropy and acupuncture after he got out but nothing worked long term. He' now taking very small amounts of smoke again but is on anti anxiety/anti depressants meds. It' been a week today since his last attack but I'm really scared. I suffer chronic anxiety and depression myself and at times totally break down. We have a 14 year old son who thank God gets people to talk to about his Dad via Army Cadets which helps.

If anyone has been through anything like this please please I need advice. Most of the guys my partner served with have passed away now. The last one only a few months ago. My partner feels he should have been there for him. Reality is the guy suffered a brain tumour and died suddenly at 48. It was nothing to do with his military service but since he saved my partners life and vise versa my parter has taken it very hard. I' struggling. Part of me hates the Army so bad and seeing my son hell bent on going into infantry when he' 17 breaks my heart. I want to wrap my partner in cotton wool and never take my eyes of him. If I could I'd take his pain away and bear it myself. But I can't. We talked today and he wants me to get help but I'm scared. So much I learnt is highly classfied and I don't want to open things better left buried for good reason. How do people handle this sort of thing?

[Bethie]

Hi

Well all told things are starting to get back to normal at last. We have both started helping at the local neighbour hood centre so are talking to new people and making friends.

Today our son found a crack in the frame of his BMX. I freaked. A $700 bike less than 12 months old was nolonger say.

My partner calmed me down for once. He told me to take my own medicine and look at solutions not the problem.

Llke most money's a bit tight atm but one of the guys where our son rides is sponsored by some big name brands and was able to get him a better frame than his original for $250 and we can pay it off to him.

As I get calmer inside myself my partner is less stressed. He still has along way to go but has accepted that it's ok. It's almost like his memories of good things are shutting out his PTSD once more.

Between his meds and his natural medication I'm finally able to start truly relaxing.

[Bethie]

Sorry everyone but I need a break from BB.I've been trying so hard to look after my partner and son and help on here it's drained me.

IT feels like I get empty. Financially atm I'd rather see money go to making my son be able to do things like his friends and be able to go grab a coffee with my partner and spend quality time together we both need so donating monthly here with only being on carers would mean that they would have to miss out.

I can't do that to them.

So thanks to everyone for all the help but sorry I'm on empty atm with nothing left to give

[Croix]

Dear Bethie~

I't's a stroke of luck that crack was fond before it failed, perhaps on the road.

I must say your husband sounds better and supportive and you realizing the fact you need a break is sensible too. You have supported others here and given quite enough.

I'd like to wish you the best for the holiday season and hope to hear how you are getting on at some later time.

Croix

[Bethie]

Hi

It's been awhile since I posted here. Still trying to get my head around life. I've started letting my partner go a few doors up our street for coffee with a mate and my abandonmnt issues are acting up really bad. Only way I can explain is point form what has happened in my life. I've been on BB a while now so it probably about time everything came out.

Mum walked out constantly untill I was 5. My eldest sister told me she would pack her bag and walk up the street with her passport away from Dad and 4 kids but Dad would drag her back.

6 jumped of the monkey bars in prep broke my tail bone. It took 2 hours for mum to answer at work dispite being a nurse then I remember crawling to the car on my hands and knees. She didn't take me to hospital or doctor. My parents are both professionals so money was not a issue.

6 turning 7...went to the UK and my parents told me that they wanted me to stay there with my grand dad. 3 other siblings where home in Australia because they where all at high school. I fought till Dad made mum agree I could return with them.

13...appendix ready to burst. Rushed in for emergency surgery. By that time my parents where separated and Dad' gf refused to pass the message to him.

14. Mum married a patient who was violent and a alcholic. In and out of ICU with being beaten up. I'd run to friends houses to escape seeing mum being bashed.

15...started drinking to blackout to escape feeling.

16 left home after stepdad nearly broke my knack. Got a good job and was doing ok untill mum begged me to come home.

17 got involved with really bad people and spent 2 years between houses with guys with guns around me because my then bf was pretty high up and wanted me safe.

19 met a gut higher up than the bf. Got engaged within a week and married within a year. Alot of high flyers and drug money around. Went through alot of meetings to be able to move states safely.

29.. had 2 houses..yaught...everything on the outside but nothing inside left of me. Got out by signing everything over to the husband..

30 got sober. Met my partner. 32 had our son.

7 months ago. Partner had full breakdown. Went for walk.hit head.bye bye memory didn't even recognise me on the street.

Current. His meds are working. No more PTSD symptom. Memory returning more everyday.

My problem now...me.

[Croix]

Dear Bethie~

A life that casts a long shadow, you have my earnest sympathy - but

You are less of a problem than you think. You have intelligence, and see things as they are and have handled the current crisis. You know what is important. Fear lessens your perception of your qualities.

In my past at times my anxiety, depression and PSTD have ruled, my perception distorted and my consequent decisions not good. You have passed all that. You are letting your husband go up the street for example, even though you know what your reaction will be. That's brave - and considerate.

Of course it will take time to minimize your symptoms, but I'm confident you will get there - you are a strong person and are taking steps, the psychologist being one.

While I have to say you might expect ups and down both with your husband and yourself I'm an example of a happy ending, and I'm not unique.

Croix