Need help helping my boyfriend through depression and anxiety

[ZoeS123]

My boyfriend of 2 years (who I live with, he's 24) suffers from depression, as well as anxiety attacks which triggers days of depressive episodes. Most recently, he suffered an anxiety attack at work (pressure and responsibility getting to him) and was crying all night that night, the following day, and I believe he is still affected by it a few days later. We have a very (otherwise happy) and loving relationship - I made sure I was there for him 100% those few days, we hung out together, went to the park, went out for dinner. We talked about it, but I just don't know what I can do now... Do I bring it up and ask if he's ok? Do I not mention it again because I don't want to make him upset? I want to understand his state of mind and if he would ever consider something drastic like take his own life, because then I will push him to see a professional.

Any advice and suggestions on dealing with this welcome!

[Greyhound123]

Getting him to see a professional is the best thing, but sometimes it is hard to push someone who will not go. I have a simialar thing with my wife. They have to see the value in it. Which can take some convincing.

[Carmela]

Hi Zoe and welcome to Beyondblue. You sound like a very caring and loving partner. It is great to hear that you care and want to help.

I would speak to him about his depression/anxiety and gently encourage him to visit his GP. If the pressure at work is a trigger, he has many years left of his work life. Therefore, it would be advisable to seek help to manage the episodes. Don't be afraid to speak up and talk openly about depression. There is enough stigma out in the world, and l would think you want your home to be a place where you can discuss any issue with an open heart and with compassion. You might like to support him if he is open to it, to attend the GP visit. I go with my husband and find that l can obtain some knowledge from the visit as well as ask questions. Of course, all of this is on the proviso that he is comfortable with visiting a GP.

I would also recommend that you educate yourself about depression and anxiety. By understanding depression/anxiety will allow you to make informed decisions on how to care for him. It will also provide you with the knowledge to initiate the necessary conversations if you are concerned about his wellbeing. Beyondblue has some wonderful resources online to get your going. You may wish
to start looking at the 'Supporting Someone' menu option https://www.beyondblue.org.au/supporting-someone.

Let us know how things are going Zoe. We are here for you.

Carmela

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi ZoeS123,

There's been some great advice already but I just want to chip in - lots of personal experience here 🙂

It can be extremely hard to know what to do in these situations. Often the best thing to do is to encourage people to seek help, but often people (especially men) can be reluctant. Knowing when to push and when to provide space is such a delicate balance, and truth be told there are no two paths the same. With my own experience, I've found sometimes things will help and other times I'll be unhelpful. The biggest key here is communication. If you can and feel comfortable about it, ask him what he needs, or how you can be helpful? Some may find that they need space to process it, or need to be distracted, or want to talk and vent. There is no 'wrong answer'. Often even just being with him can be incredibly helpful. Often just having company when you're feeling miserable can mean more than any words can say.

Also, if you bring it up and this 'makes him upset' please try to remember that he was upset in the first place. Often bringing up uncomfortable things can actually help because then he can be best equipped to try and manage the anxiety and depression.

Hope this helps