My wife has depression and PTSD

DonPiano · ‎25-09-2017

Hello all.

I'm not sure where to start. My wife who I love more than anything lives with depression and PTSD. She gets help from her doctor and is on medication. The only support we both have is each other as we have no close friends and whenever we've tried to lean on my family for support they've never been there for us.

we are in financial difficulty and work and daily stress doesn't get any easier. I try and support my wife as best as I can, but I always feel like I'm failing. How do I try and help make her feel as if things will get better? Each time I suggest something, it's shot down. I feel at a loss at times and just want a light to appear so she can see that things will get better.

I'm not perfect and often say or do the wrong thing which causes more problems. I wish I knew how to get things on the right path but without support it's so hard.

BballJ · ‎25-09-2017

Hi DonPiano,

I am sorry to read what you are your wife are going through. You sounds like a great husband who cares about his wife and that is paramount to have that support when someone is dealing with a mental illness. It is very hard however to make someone see the light that things will get better, all you can do is keep gently letting them know you are there for them and will keep supporting them through this. I understand the financial stress you are under but is your wife currently speaking with a GP about how she is feeling? Maybe she will find some benefit by joining these forums herself and speaking to people with similar mental health concerns?

One part of these forums I would advise you to read is the supporting someone section about supporting someone with a mental illness, simply go the top of the page where it says "The facts" and scroll to the supporting someone tab and have a read through that, you may find some useful information.

My best for you and your wife,

Jay

DonPiano · ‎26-09-2017

Thank you Jay.

she does talk to her GP and doctor about how she's going, but often the costs of the visits dissuades her. I tell her it's not a problem.

I know she has used the forums here before and does have an online support group that she talks to. Which I hope helps. Whenever I try talk about how she's going I get shut off.

I'll have a read through the other threads. Thank you for responding.

geoff · ‎26-09-2017

hello DonPiano, it is very difficult trying to talk with a spouse or long term partner suggesting ways which maybe of any help, simply because they are going to ignore what you've said or refuse to listen, so nothing happens.
What I would be doing is ask her when she speaks to her doctor about the 'mental health plan', this will entitle her to 10 free visits to see a psychologist per year, however if necessary her doctor could extend these sessions if needed.
No one is perfect and there isn't a word that can possibly to describe a person, we all make mistakes and even the information you try and say to your wife, maybe spot on, but to her it's not, that's because of her depression.
It does make your marriage feel awkward, so perhaps if click onto 'Get Support' and scroll down until you see 'Publications to download' or order from BB may help you when you read through the booklet, but it won't automatically make your wife change completely all at once. Geoff.

DonPiano · ‎29-09-2017

Thanks Geoff. I try and say the things that she tells me to say, and that the literature says to say, and it does nothing. It's so hard to try and encourage someone who sees no light of hope in the future to try and do small things like come for a walk. I won't give up hope.

geoff · ‎30-09-2017

hi DonPiano, believe me Don I know exactly what you are saying, we can never be sure that what we say especially to a spouse or a long term partner is going to help them, and I say this because it will just be like when the two of you have an argument about something either you want or she wants, but the other disagrees, so this is like the same situation.
If someone else has said it to her then she may accept it, however the other point is that it will hopefully teach you what you didn't know about depression, there will be points that highlight an issue unknown to you, so this can make you feel stronger.
Don't give up, keep asking her to come with you around the block on a beautiful day, or go and sit in the sun on the porch, I know it's so tiring for you, and I did the same to my wife when I was depressed, so I know what you are facing.
It's not going to happen overnight, hell I wish it could, and one day it will happen, but in our time we have to struggle to overcome it.
Thanks by the way for getting back to me. Geoff.

BballJ · ‎01-10-2017

Hi DonPiano,

I like that, you won't give up hope. That is amazing. I have a feeling deep down you wife knows how much you are supporting and caring for her but as a fellow mental heath sufferer, it can be quite a feeling when you feel you are a burden on others. Keep supporting her as much as possible.

My best,

Jay