My partner says he doesn't love me anymore but I think it's his mental health doing the talking.

[Need_support]

My partner and I have been together for 7 years. We own a business that we built from nothing that we both love and are passionate about. My partner is not a talker, he doesn't express his emotions well and never has. Our relationship has always been pretty great, we are very close as a couple and neither of us ever saw a future without each other. Around 2 months ago he randomly came out and told me he wasn't happy. He explained that he wasn't enjoying the horses (our business is training horses) and that he was burnt out and felt lost. I supported him with this and he was down but we were okay. Then he started saying things such as 'I don't treat you very well' and was concerned after a particular argument we had, where we both said things we regretted, that he can't possibly love me if he speaks to me badly when we fight. He got really fixated on this and admitted it was all he thought about and felt extreme guilt. This has now snowballed to the point where he has told me he doesn't love me anymore and that we should part ways. It has gone from him feeling extremely guilty that he treats me badly (which he doesn't) to now saying his feelings are completely gone and he has checked out of our relationship mentally. He barely speaks to me now and is sometimes quite nasty towards me. I do not retaliate when he says these things I always remain calm and am careful with my words. Through all this, I have noticed signs of depression, he still goes to work but has expressed hes not enjoying it like he used to. He doesn't go to the races unless he has to which is very unusual for him. His personality has faded, the once happy, confident 'big kid' that loves to be silly has completely gone. He gets angry and agitated very easily which is not in his nature. He doesn't smile or laugh often and has said things to me like talking to people is a big effort and he can't be bothered. He is not the person he was. He has acknowledged that there is a problem with his mental health but refuses to go to a doctor. He is getting worse with these behaviors every day. I don't know if this is all to do with some form of depression and he isn't thinking clearly or has he really fallen out of love with me? My heart and my gut feeling tells me he does still love me but I am not sure and I am really struggling to cope with this. It's all getting too much.

[randomxx]

l'm sorry about that but mine basically did the same. Said she just can't be in a relationship anymore. She has extreme anxiety but to a lesser , depression too.

But it has also been a rocky road too l admit and l haven't been sure if they are the real reasons or she's just out of love bc of the rocky periods.

lt is done though unfortunately bc she hasn't changed her thoughts.

We have been in touch quite a bit since and she is certainly if anything worse than ever anxiety wise though.

lt could've been a bit of both.

Big hug.

rx

[Fen]

Actually they didn’t say they didn’t love me. They just left, but seemed to blame me for not being there for there and started becoming quite critical of me. At first I noticed them thinking that I didn’t want to be there for them, spend time with them because of the depression. It wasn’t the case. It was their perception. 

[randomxx]

Tbh Fen , l've read a lot of these and they often do say they still love you. Mine was one too, even on the phone just talking 6mths after we'd broken up, thku baby l love you- yep , right.

But there's an old hand at this stuff here , Tony WK, and he's been through a lot as well as this thing too, but he says , yeah they may well still love us, but there's a few kinds of love and the love they feel now if they do actually still feel it, is the wrong kind.

Wanting to stay in the relationship and make it work is it's own kind, a real love. The kind you both need and the only kind of real love we should both have in a real relationship. The kind where we are in love and want be together no matter what.

But then there's the other kind and yeah they might even be telling the truth they do still love us, but that is no longer the right kind of love, the relationship kind of real love , bc they don't want to stay, they don't want to make it work.

That all made perfect sense to me and fitted the way gf ex talked and was now acting, exactly.

rx