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Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

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Mountain12 Feeling trapped and unsure of what to do
  • replies: 1

Hi, everyone, reaching out as I'm feeling anxious and depressed from my current situation. I feel that my wife has emotionally and physically abandoned me as she never wants to do anything with me (even when I suggest doing things as a family), and d... View more

Hi, everyone, reaching out as I'm feeling anxious and depressed from my current situation. I feel that my wife has emotionally and physically abandoned me as she never wants to do anything with me (even when I suggest doing things as a family), and doesn't want any intimacy of any kind (including no sex for over a year). Despite this she spends her time volunteering and doing anything and everything for people outside of our household. When I suggest we do things together (going for a walk, watching TV together, etc.) she says she is too busy. We have 3 kids and the relationship between myself and my eldest son is strained as I try to set boundaries around screen usage which my wife undermines. I'm actively involved in kids sport and the local community when I can. We had marriage counselling which worked for about a week and then things fell by the wayside. Lately when I've suggested we have a follow up session she says she doesn't want to or avoids the conversation. When I try to have a conversation to let her know how I'm feeling and what I would like either gets angry or says she doesn't have time to discuss things. I have a job that involves a heavy mental load and involves lots of travel that I find contributes to stress and fatigue. On top of this I work remotely when I'm not travelling and the only family I have are located in a different state. I feel really isolated and I'm not sure of the next steps. I love my kids dearly and I'm concerned that if I leave the marriage they will blame me and won't want anything to do with me. However my self esteem and mental health are really suffering. Any thoughts or advice is appreciated. Thanks.

Guest_17311433 Depressed husband
  • replies: 2

I am struggling with my husbands depression. We have been together for 13 years and have a 3 and 5 year old and they are very headstrong and difficult but also polite, smart amazing kids.my husbands depression started when our first child was born 5 ... View more

I am struggling with my husbands depression. We have been together for 13 years and have a 3 and 5 year old and they are very headstrong and difficult but also polite, smart amazing kids.my husbands depression started when our first child was born 5 years ago and refuses to get any help, but I feel I can't cope with the burden of it anymore. I have tried alot to help him over the years like booking him a gp appointment, couples counselling, encouraging him to go on trips with his friends, doing things he enjoys and picking up the slack with the house work, sorting bills and responsibilities for the kids. Recently he has been getting really angry at me and the kids over small things he yells and slams or throws things. I don't think he would intentionally hurt me or the kids but his anger is explosive and random so I feel I'm walking on egg shells so I don't upset him. He has no intrest in his kids or anything and blames his mood on me and the kids all the time he rarely takes responsibility for his moods or actions. I haven't told his family as iv felt it's my fault or burden to carry. I'm really resentful as I'm drowning in all the house work, kids and stress of it all. What should I do? I don't think I can give him anymore support without sacrificing my own mental health but I care for him and want him to get better for himself and our kids.

Wambianna Depressed boyfriend suddenly like a different person
  • replies: 1

My BF of 3 years, (we are in our 60s) has had several boughts of depression, lasting usually about 36 hours, since Ive known him. He sleeps and goes into no communication mode.I am on a 4 day birdwatching trip, alone, and he was quite ok with me goin... View more

My BF of 3 years, (we are in our 60s) has had several boughts of depression, lasting usually about 36 hours, since Ive known him. He sleeps and goes into no communication mode.I am on a 4 day birdwatching trip, alone, and he was quite ok with me going. But on the morning I left he said not to drop in on him as he needed to be alone. I felt sick. But took him at his word. While Ive been away he has rung twice , sounding sleepy and hardly talking, but sort happy to be in contact.But between these calls Ive had 2 texts from him accusing me of talking about his "mental health problems" to everyone and asking me very angrily to stop.He says he doesnt have the energy to discuss it. Of course, I have spoken to my sister about my worries around him but he can't know that. He has never been like this...nasty, blunt and paranoid. I don't understand him attacking me...is he finished with me? Im so confused.

Sometimes at a loss Is it a normal thing?
  • replies: 5

My 14yr old son suffers from severe anxiety and slight depression, this has been ongoing for years. Normally if he is struggling he will come to me for support. We have previously seen psychs, docs etc.He refuses to see someone again, and he just con... View more

My 14yr old son suffers from severe anxiety and slight depression, this has been ongoing for years. Normally if he is struggling he will come to me for support. We have previously seen psychs, docs etc.He refuses to see someone again, and he just confessed to me that he is having panic attacks daily, which I was unaware of. He also told me he doesn't wanna see anyone or talk to anyone but himself as no one knows how he feels and no one can help. He also told me that he doesnt want me to care about him, he doesn't want anyone to care.I'm guessing this is just a load of bs, but I assured him that no matter what he wants that my caring is not optional it will always be there regardless. I am wondering if this is a normal thing for teenage boys to go through or if anyone has experienced something similar as it has made me worried and upset and I'm not sure how to handle this. HELP please.

LFH123 Connecting with someone who’s in hospital
  • replies: 6

Hi everyone, does anyone have any tips for how to spend time with a loved one who’s severely depressed and in hospital? They have been in hospital for several months receiving treatment, but without improvement. When we visit they are very withdrawn ... View more

Hi everyone, does anyone have any tips for how to spend time with a loved one who’s severely depressed and in hospital? They have been in hospital for several months receiving treatment, but without improvement. When we visit they are very withdrawn and it’s clear they don’t really want to engage in conversation. They usually love reading, but aren’t feeling up to reading books at the moment. We’re trying to think of other ways to connect with them, or easy activities we can do in their room that don’t require too much cognitive load, so they don’t feel pressured to make small talk whenever we visit. Thanks in advance.

skye1 Bi-polar infidelity?? is this a real thing or just the person?
  • replies: 13

just recently i found out my partner of over a year has been cheating on me for over 5 months. he is in the process of getting diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I have never felt such betrayal in all my life, but i still don't hate him, and I'm still ... View more

just recently i found out my partner of over a year has been cheating on me for over 5 months. he is in the process of getting diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I have never felt such betrayal in all my life, but i still don't hate him, and I'm still so prepared to work things out with him. am i being stupid??? I have read so many webpages (specifically bi-polar based webpages) on bi-polar infidelity being related to the hypersexulaity that comes with the hypermania. Is this just myth or is my partner just a scum bag? not that cheating in any circumstance is excusable whether it be because of illness of just the person, it might give me more inside on how better to deal with the situation. ??

Widowedmumof3 Year 11 School Refusal & Mental Health
  • replies: 14

Hi there, Thank you for taking the time to read this. My 16 year old daughter is struggling with school attendance. Last term her attendance was under 50%. While she says she likes school, getting up and out the door in the morning is a real issue. S... View more

Hi there, Thank you for taking the time to read this. My 16 year old daughter is struggling with school attendance. Last term her attendance was under 50%. While she says she likes school, getting up and out the door in the morning is a real issue. She has great friends, although their attendance is not much better, and she will often not want to go as she doesn't want to be alone. I have been in contact with the school, who have been supportive, asking what she needs and what will help get her school. But thus far we have no answer. I have tried to be supportive, encouraging,as I would do anything for her. I drop her to school on my way to work, and my work has been really flexible in allowing me to do this. I would do anything to help her. I have suggested constantly if there is anyone she would like to speak with (other than me) a friend, family member, school, psychologist, but she has refused. I believe the period of schooling from home during Covid has not helped her in any way. Two weeks ago she came to me asking if she could go speak to a psychologist as she didn't want to feel this way anymore, and asked if she could get a mental health plan. From this the doctor suggested PTSD (her father passed away when she was 10), depression and anxiety. An appointment was made to see a psychologist for 2 weeks after (which was the earliest appointment we could get) receiving her mental health plan, but she decided the day of the appointment that she was "feeling better" and cancelled the appointment. I rang the psychologist, hoping for something I'm not sure what, but they said that as this was the first time they were seeing her they were sorry but there was nothing they could do. This occurred during school holidays, which I tried to explain to my daughter that this was why she was probably feeling better and that once school returned, there was a chance that those feelings of anxiousness would return; which has occurred previously. But she was insistent and refused, and the appointment cancelled. We are now week 1 of term 3 and she has not attended school for 3 days...her friends have not gone either - they seem to be having the same issues. I am at a loss. She asked if she could leave school, but then has stated that she knows she will regret leaving and she only has 1 year to go, so close yet it seems so far for her.I suggested homeschooling, but she doesn't want to miss her final year with her friends, formals and finalising her schooling.I don't know what to do. It breaks my heart to see her sitting in bed, I would do/try anything to help her, but I don't know what to do.Are there any words of wisdom out there?

Beaser What do you tell people.
  • replies: 1

Hi i hope anyone reading this is going ok. I was just wondering how different people go about explaining things to people particularly answering questions. Whenever i meet someone i always wait for that question. What do you do for work ? I am volunt... View more

Hi i hope anyone reading this is going ok. I was just wondering how different people go about explaining things to people particularly answering questions. Whenever i meet someone i always wait for that question. What do you do for work ? I am volunteering at a hospital ,so sometimes i just say hospital work. I try to steer the conversation away . How much do we have to tell people who ask different questions. I dont like l lying about things . I also feel that some people who ask arent asking with best motivation. Sometimes i get a bit niggly and think , Why do you need to know. Hope everyone has a good day.

Skitzeejulz Who’s looking after me
  • replies: 2

Hi I am a grandmother with full time care of 3 of my grandchildren until they all reach 18.I also have a partner that has been diagnosed with being on the spectrum, my girls all have ptsd, 2 have adhd, 1 on the spectrum as well. My husband is struggl... View more

Hi I am a grandmother with full time care of 3 of my grandchildren until they all reach 18.I also have a partner that has been diagnosed with being on the spectrum, my girls all have ptsd, 2 have adhd, 1 on the spectrum as well. My husband is struggling with the fact he has no idea who he is now and questions everything he says and does . so I am trying hard to support him everyday. I go to his therapy sessions and try hard not to confuse him or trigger his many traits. my eldest has ADHD and autism it is very hard to keep her from loosing it she is up and down from one hour to the next everything reminds her of the trauma she has experienced and she blames me for everything that doesn’t go right for her or if I don’t fix it straightaway . The middle one ADHD can’t have anything change or deviate from the plan or she goes nuts she also has trauma from not being fed so she has severe eating disorders. The youngest one 6 constantly lies snd causes trouble for all of us and well actually she enjoys it.Every week there is doctors , therapy or activities for them all.I have not even 5 minutes to myself and no where to turn. A friend who I confided in shook me by asking me who was looking after me in which I replied no one ?? I am invisible

Ranga-1 Worried About My Son
  • replies: 2

Hello. I have anxiety, but I'm doing this post about my son. He turns 20 in a few weeks. He's showing signs of depression. I have asked him if he's okay, but he says he is. He's withdrawn from study, and although he has a casual job, he doesn't get m... View more

Hello. I have anxiety, but I'm doing this post about my son. He turns 20 in a few weeks. He's showing signs of depression. I have asked him if he's okay, but he says he is. He's withdrawn from study, and although he has a casual job, he doesn't get many shifts. Therefore, he is at home a lot and on his new computer. The good thing is that some of his habits have changed - he hasn't touched weed for ages and he drinks very little, if at all. I know he's interacting and chatting with people when he's on the computer - I hear him talking, so I'm relieved he's not isolated. I'm concerned because some of his routine has changed - he hasn't been practising his drumming, and he is a keen drummer (this could be because of the novelty of his new computer). Also, he rarely showers. He will shower if he's got work etc, but he gets bogged into his computer and forgets to shower. It's not too bad because it's winter, although I'm sure if it were summer, he'd get into the shower! I'm concerned about his neglect of everyday hygiene and loss of interesting in his music. How can I help him?