Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Husband has depression and left home to get himself right

replies: 44

I don't know where to start with this all but 2 weeks ago my husband told me he needed a break from our marriage and originally moved into the spare room. It was so hard on me as we have a 2 year old and it was confusing for him why Dadda was sleeping in the spare room. He eventually told me that he as been suffering in a black fog for the past 3 months and that he doesn't know anything anymore, including us. He even told me he had dark thoughts while I was away but thankfully it scared him and he has since gone to the GP. He is on Anti depressants and booked into see a Pysch. In the meantime he is talking to a counsellor online I think. A little bit of background, my hubby was adopted and always held a hatred for his birth mother, he has had low self esteem and never feels good enough. We have been together 9 years and married for 6 years. His adoptive mother is interesting as well and never really handled things right with the adoption. Anyway, recently (October) she told my husband that she knows his birth name and has some documents from his adoption. This has sent him into a tale spin, I noticed him changing from there. He says he no longer knows who he is or what his life is. We recently sold a house and purchased Land to build. This has added to his stress....I told him that I would support him through this but he has decided that he needs to go and left, ironically to his mothers. I am heartbroken, I don't know what to do and how to support him. He sends me messages that he wants to build the house and that we are just taking a break while he sorts himself out. Then will say that he wants to build the house so I and my son have a roof over our head. I told him that I can't afford to live in it on my own. He came over on Saturday for 3 hours and when he left I was a mess. He was dark and moody but walked around the house like he still lived here, it was very weird. He says he doesn't know how he feels. I am confused as well, we ended up fighting and I feel he wants me to say its over. I have no idea if he will come back or not. I wanted to do this together but he has left. How do I deal with this? Do I disconnect and let him work it out, or try and support him?

How to guide a brother with serious mental health issues

replies: 11

I have a younger brother who is about 65 years old. He destroyed his marriage and relationships with his immediate family (children/grandchildren) some 5 or so years ago by gambling his and his wife's savings away. He is an habitual liar, telling all sorts of stories to make out he is doing well and very successful in life. Last Christmas he had a heart issue and was admitted to Intensive care for a few weeks. I was notified within minutes of flying overseas with my wife (He listed me as next of kin because no-one else in the family will have anything to do with him). He is now recovered and living in a men's refuge style of accommodation, although he tells me he has bought and living in his own unit. He had a relationship with a woman who has contacted me saying she has serious concerns about his deluded behaviour. She has sent deliveries of food and clothes to him as she visited him earlier in the year as a surprise, and was shocked at the poor quality of accommodation he is in. He arrived at my older brother's (Noel) home on Friday night for an overnight stay en-route to catching up with mates in Melbourne. My older brother rang me to say he was shocked and very concerned at Steve's mental and physical state. When Steve talks to me by sms or phone, he makes out he is working, earning a good income, has recovered and walks 3-5 kms per day. However Noel said he could not walk 100 metres without struggling due to swollen legs and ankles, and Steve bragged about how he is living with 3 mates, has ahuge superannuation savings, is well supported by Centrelink and some side hussle he has (we think he is gambling still). I have tried getting mental health support for him in NSW but he refuses, saying he is fine.I am concerned an not sure what I can do as I am in Brisbane caring for my very ill wife. I am fearing he will end up like his older brother who died 2 years ago after he suffered serious bi-polar and delusional behaviour, and ended up in an older men's care centre in Queensland. I would be open to any guidance or advice here

Very close friend attempted

replies: 2

I think it feels right to post this here. Yesterday (9th May 2025, Friday), at school, one of my closest friends tried to commit suicide. Keep in mind that he opens up to me and I open up to him, neither of us open up to anyone else. Since Wednesday, he had been cold to us, then on Thursday, texting in the group chat during period 4, he was being quite rude as well. I had told the rest of my friends that last time he had stopped responding to messages, afterwards he had told me he was trying to ruin his life so he could die in peace. We were worried this was what this time was. Friday, start of period 2, he messaged the group chat and simply said “I’m sorry…”. We didn’t connect the dots until later. We had thought it was just an apology for how he acted. Halfway through period 2 my friend turned to me and was like “wait… he has PE. This would be a good time to go to the bathroom and just…”. We looked at each other for a few moments, both of us connecting everything. Then she said “I’m gonna ask to go to the bathroom.” When she came back, she asked me if anyone had told me, because another friend had walked in who knew. I shook my head. “(Friend) tried to kill himself.” We couldn’t focus for the rest of the lesson. After the period ended we went up to the quiet room. We were in there all day. One of us, there were 4 altogether, had a partner assessment and couldn’t leave their partner, so she went to class. One of us left during period 5. My last friend, the one who had connected the dots, left during period 6, and I went back to class for the last 15 minutes. We had spent the time during the day chatting, about the incident and other things, trying to distract each other and ourselves, and talking to one of the counsellors a few times, as well as me calling my auntie for some advice and just because I needed to tell someone aside from my friends. It hadn’t felt real. Like this should only happen in movies. “It feels like somebody is going to pop out of nowhere with a camera and say ‘scene’”, one of my friends said, “and then we have to move on with our lives like this never happened”. Keep in mind we’re only in year 8 right now. It was a lot. We got a message at around lunchtime from the friend who had attempted, saying he was safe and in the hospital and he just wanted to let us know. Later, around 4pm, he said he was discharged but didn’t know when he’d be back at school. I don’t know what to do with myself now. What are you supposed to do when this happens?

My husband is addicted to online tarot sites

replies: 6

Does anyone have any experience of addiction to online tatrot sites. My husband was daignosed with PTSD in 2014. He wont make a decsion until he consults one of these oneline tarot sites and uses what it says to guide his actions. He is using up the ... View more

My sister is 26 but acts 12

replies: 2

My 26 yo sister still lives at home, has had 3 jobs total, all that have lasted only a month each before being let go due to lack of interest, and is extremely rude. She doesn’t do any house work or chores. If you speak to her, she is quick to snap and blame. For our whole lives, we have never been close despite being only 19 months apart and this didn’t bother me because she’s into different things and, well, she’s rude but recently she has started to display behaviour that makes me think she’s actually unwell and maybe even didn’t develop Cognitively. She has started to refuse to talk to any family besides my mum and myself (and barely even us) and she pulled out most of her eyebrows. She’s also skin and bone (I think 45kg and 5’3) and is on a diet which is crazy that she thinks she needs to be. When I saw her eyebrows, it’s like something clicked and I realised she is crying for help and has no way of getting it. I don’t live there but I’ve tried to message and she blows me off, even just to hang out. If I do go there, she won’t come out from her room and say hello. When I gave her her birthday gift last month, I went into her room with my partner and she took the gift, said “okay” and showed us the door. She has no manners but she did when we was a kid. She’s actually getting more child like as she gets older. My family have no money to get her help and she doesn’t work. My dad is worried she’s depressed and suicidal. How do you help someone who doesn’t want to have a real conversation with anyone and with no money. I feel trapped and I can’t imagine how she feels.

Daughter on drugs 3 kids can't cope do the kids get taken away

replies: 1

I need to know if kids are taken away everytime a single mum can't cope due to drug addiction

I miss my family but I don't know what do to.

replies: 1

Hello Beyond Blue, I am a 19-year-old female and I'm feeling really homesick at the moment. I moved a year ago from my childhood home which I had grown up in my whole life to where I work which is a university campus. I am an assistant to a researcher at the academy and he is a very friendly and intelligent man. At first, I didn't experience too much homesickness but that was probably because I got so wrapped up my excitement that I temporarily forgot about the needs of my family. Ever since I was a kid, I've had to look after my younger siblings with my older brother. Our family has been through the wringer at times with money and my mum travels a lot for work so is rarely home. I feel like I've left them all behind in a rush to pursue my career and now I deeply regret it. I wish I had spent more quality time with my siblings before I left home but now it's a little too late because now two of them are working and our family is busier than ever. I don't know what to do but I feel so much guilt over the situation. To be CLEAR, I do not want to leave my job. Even though it can be demanding, I really do love it and aspire to study or do research at this academy. I just wish that I hadn't made myself so available to my boss sometimes because I rarely get to see my family now. I know he understands but I feel so bad telling him to reduce my hours because I can see he really values my assistence. I also shouldn't complain because he also lives with a disability and ins't in great health so I don't want to put that extra burden on his shoulders. Depression has gotten to me honestly and I don't know who to open up to about it. I don't want anyone to feel bad because of me. That's all though. Thanks for listening to my rant

How can I help my 20yo son?

replies: 4

Hi. My 20yo son is showing signs of depression. He is not working at the moment and not doing much by way of job hunting. He has expressed interest in doing online TAFE study, but his dad and I are encouraging him to find some part-time work. I asked him last night if he was losing confidence in himself and he said he was. How can I support him and assist him? I am thinking of suggesting some volunteer work - this will help him see his worth and it can be rewarding, as well as giving him some transferrable workplace skills. He does not drive because of a medical condition. However, he is considering speaking to his neurologist for a certificate declaring him as having been seizure-free for a certain time, and then going for his learner's permit. We are in a rural area with limited public transport options I spoke with my own psychologist yesterday and she advised me to continue to be supportive, which I am doing, notwithstanding it gets so frustrating that I want to scream GET A JOB at him. This can be counterproductive because if he CAN'T get work, that's extra pressure. I would like to see him applying at least. Any suggestions and stories would be so appreciated for this very worried mum.

My partner says he doesn't love me anymore but I think it's his mental health doing the talking.

replies: 12

My partner and I have been together for 7 years. We own a business that we built from nothing that we both love and are passionate about. My partner is not a talker, he doesn't express his emotions well and never has. Our relationship has always been pretty great, we are very close as a couple and neither of us ever saw a future without each other. Around 2 months ago he randomly came out and told me he wasn't happy. He explained that he wasn't enjoying the horses (our business is training horses) and that he was burnt out and felt lost. I supported him with this and he was down but we were okay. Then he started saying things such as 'I don't treat you very well' and was concerned after a particular argument we had, where we both said things we regretted, that he can't possibly love me if he speaks to me badly when we fight. He got really fixated on this and admitted it was all he thought about and felt extreme guilt. This has now snowballed to the point where he has told me he doesn't love me anymore and that we should part ways. It has gone from him feeling extremely guilty that he treats me badly (which he doesn't) to now saying his feelings are completely gone and he has checked out of our relationship mentally. He barely speaks to me now and is sometimes quite nasty towards me. I do not retaliate when he says these things I always remain calm and am careful with my words. Through all this, I have noticed signs of depression, he still goes to work but has expressed hes not enjoying it like he used to. He doesn't go to the races unless he has to which is very unusual for him. His personality has faded, the once happy, confident 'big kid' that loves to be silly has completely gone. He gets angry and agitated very easily which is not in his nature. He doesn't smile or laugh often and has said things to me like talking to people is a big effort and he can't be bothered. He is not the person he was. He has acknowledged that there is a problem with his mental health but refuses to go to a doctor. He is getting worse with these behaviors every day. I don't know if this is all to do with some form of depression and he isn't thinking clearly or has he really fallen out of love with me? My heart and my gut feeling tells me he does still love me but I am not sure and I am really struggling to cope with this. It's all getting too much.

Looking for Mental Health and rehab recommendations Qld

replies: 4

I have been drinking 1.5 bottles a night for the past 20+ years I am now in my early 50s. I've managed to hold down a full time job and I'm married with 3 amazing kids. Who get to see their mother passed out on the couch almost every night. Every morning I wake and wonder when I moved from the couch to bed, hating myself and progressively through the day move from hate to it's ok, it's only a glass of wine. I have been to Belmont in the past due to depression. I know that my drinking is linked to my childhood. I just can't seem to lift the cloud I live under and seek the warmth of alcohol. I'm now on a fine line where i can't continue like this anymore. I know I have to address it and try and unravel it all to give me some peace and not depend on the bottle. I have top level health insurance and have been trying to find a rehab that feels right for me. I don't want to be feeling like a number and inconveniencing everyone. I want to be heard and helped. I don't want endless group therapy. I don't want to share a room with someone else who is experiencing life challenging lows. I don't want AA but an alternative to it. I don't want to go to a rehab that feels like detention or Cell Block H. I want somewhere that can help life my mind, body and soul without beeing too woo-woo. Ideally somewhere that is covered by private health or is affordable and won't take $100k from my super. Does such a place exist or am I wishing for unicorns and flying pigs? Can someone help me please? Before I loose it all. Thank you x

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Husband has depression and left home to get himself right replies: 44

How to guide a brother with serious mental health issues replies: 11

Very close friend attempted replies: 2

My husband is addicted to online tarot sites replies: 6

My sister is 26 but acts 12 replies: 2

Daughter on drugs 3 kids can't cope do the kids get taken away replies: 1

I miss my family but I don't know what do to. replies: 1

How can I help my 20yo son? replies: 4

My partner says he doesn't love me anymore but I think it's his mental health doing the talking. replies: 12

Looking for Mental Health and rehab recommendations Qld replies: 4