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Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

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QldMum Need Support from my Husband
  • replies: 3

Hi, this is my first post. I'd like to know how others deal with their emotional problems without the support of their partner. I know partners must get tired of their partner's problems but mostly I would just like a hug and a bit of love if I have ... View more

Hi, this is my first post. I'd like to know how others deal with their emotional problems without the support of their partner. I know partners must get tired of their partner's problems but mostly I would just like a hug and a bit of love if I have a bad experience. I don't have close friends or other family who can do this either.

Simona My son has ODD - anyone else relate? how do you manage?
  • replies: 11

As I have previously posted before; I have 3 children (8,10,16) . My 10 year old has been diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder although I can't help but suspect that he has some other mood disorder going on because of his sudden mood swings. ... View more

As I have previously posted before; I have 3 children (8,10,16) . My 10 year old has been diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder although I can't help but suspect that he has some other mood disorder going on because of his sudden mood swings. Currently we are in the process of organizing another psychologist and it has been a frustratingly slow process hampered by the fact we reside in a very rural region. I just need to know if there is anyone out there who can relate to my disposition. Dealing with my son has taken an epic toll on us as a family unit. My partner has more or less bailed out of any family activities because he can't handle the stress. My 8 year old is often the forgotten one in all of this because she is such a quiet polite little girl and hence very independent. My 16 year old shuts his door and puts on his headphones. Master 10 is a force to be reckoned with and he is almost tall as me. God knows I love him so but I sometimes feel like I don't even know this person. One minute he is polite and loving and the next BAM - the polar opposite. Sadistic - to his little sister. Manipulative/lying. Aggressive. At times shows no remorse or empathy. Or he will say sorry but he will smirk at the same time like he's just toying with you. Challenges everyone and has very poor impulse control. Enjoys intimidating the family dog so that she virtually crawls very low to the ground when he calls her. Poor Miss Bandicoot Paws - she really is a living breathing barometer of his mood swings and hides under my desk here. I feel like such a bad mother sometimes but I'm trying my best. I don't have any vices. I don't drink, smoke, take drugs - not even panadol. I have no crutches. I'm more or less scrapping by. I don't know what else to do. Yes i could get on some anti anxiety meds but i need to be 100% on the ball to be an effective parent. And i don't understand him at all. Lately he is obsessed with pranking everyone so we are all on edge. His pranks are not funny. He doesn't see this and laughs like a maniac. And seriously - he has this laugh that sounds totally unhinged. When we hear it - partner and I brace ourselves because we know "he's 'lost' it again.

Mas123567 Paranoid Schizophrenia
  • replies: 7

Hey Everyone, looking for someone to talk to. I believe my partner is struggling with paranoid schizophrenia ... he has been hearing things for a number of months now and believes we are being secretly recorded in our home by our family (whom he is e... View more

Hey Everyone, looking for someone to talk to. I believe my partner is struggling with paranoid schizophrenia ... he has been hearing things for a number of months now and believes we are being secretly recorded in our home by our family (whom he is estranged from now). I love him dearly but I am at a point where it is really impacting on my own mental health and I do not know how to deal with him as I am constantly afraid of saying the wrong thing as I know it’s not his fault and he is unwell. He has started to have angry outbursts that can sometimes last for hours (I’m not afraid and I know he won’t harm me, but hearing him shout distresses me). He went to a psychiatrist today and he told me he said he has psychosis ... but I think it is something other than this because surely if it is psychosis it wouldn’t have gone on for so long. For some background he is a recovering heroin addict (clean for 2 years), but he does take stimulants about once a month. I’m really struggling, I love him but I need someone to look after me too.. all my family live in the UK and I relocated to a regional area to be able to be closer to him.

witsend does anyone else get anxious/angry/depressed after dark
  • replies: 1

My partner goes into a downward spiral as soon as the sun goes down. He gets anxious, then angry, and suddenly has to go to bed, usually before we eat. This might be at 6.30 or 7 at night, then he sleeps fitfully and is never wide awake till after 8 ... View more

My partner goes into a downward spiral as soon as the sun goes down. He gets anxious, then angry, and suddenly has to go to bed, usually before we eat. This might be at 6.30 or 7 at night, then he sleeps fitfully and is never wide awake till after 8 or 9am. I have to creep around like a mouse or I get shouted at. This has been going on for over a year. During this time I persuaded him to cut down severely on alcohol as it had been affecting his mood at night for several decades, but the anxiety and the need to go to bed is a new thing.During the day he's fine, and he's also ok when we go out or have friends around - but I have stopped inviting people round after 6pm to avoid unpleasant scenes.Is this common? He often completely forgets what happened the night before, especially our conversations. Also, when he's alone, he sometimes gets hallucinations - hears noises or voices in the house. When he tells me about them I don't make a big deal out of it - but I'm sure this is a serious problem that needs to be diagnosed. I just know I'm not the person who can tell him what's happening. If I can read about parallel experiences I might get a better understanding of what's going on.

WilsonNolan Supporting My Wife With Hyperemesis
  • replies: 1

This will be my third child. This was an unplanned pregnancy. My wife has severe Hyperemesis. She has suffered significantly with each pregnancy. She was suicidal during her first pregnancy and only after proper diagnosis and treatment did she cope. ... View more

This will be my third child. This was an unplanned pregnancy. My wife has severe Hyperemesis. She has suffered significantly with each pregnancy. She was suicidal during her first pregnancy and only after proper diagnosis and treatment did she cope. She now suffers extreme depression and anxiety related to it however we are trying to to be especially on top of things this time around. She's being treated psychologically and she is on regular fluids and medication. I am supporting her through it by driving her to appointments, doing all the cooking, housework and kid related stuff like school while still trying to balance my full time work to cover the growing medical expenses. My issue is that I also feel severely depressed and lost. Both previous pregnancies were really hard on me too. But noone seems to understand (or care) how I might be struggling. I have no support network, no close friends, a family that never checks in and no remaining funds to get any sort of mental health care for me. I've gotten by in previous pregnancies by drinking (which I've quit as of 2 years ago), or burying myself in work. Now I'm trying to go for walks and get more sunshine. I take more multivitamins and try to stay organised. I fear it's barely helping though. With my growing anxiety and the stress of watching her suffer, managing the other kids and watching all of our finances disappear, I am really feeling lost. Has any other person out there felt this way and if so, how did you cope?

Matchy69 struggling with special needs children
  • replies: 1006

Does anyone else have children with special needs.I am struggling with mine.My youngest cant use a toilet when their at the age they should be.I am getting tired of changing them,does that make me a bad parent?The constant hyperepisodes are taking th... View more

Does anyone else have children with special needs.I am struggling with mine.My youngest cant use a toilet when their at the age they should be.I am getting tired of changing them,does that make me a bad parent?The constant hyperepisodes are taking their strain especially that i am going through other personal stuff in my life

EllaBean My husband tried to end it, I'm not sure what to do now
  • replies: 3

My husband recently had a medical event which on its face liked unfortunate or to have a random cause. I found him, called an ambulance and he was treated and all was ok. I thought, though I did have my suspicions. After the event I gently brought up... View more

My husband recently had a medical event which on its face liked unfortunate or to have a random cause. I found him, called an ambulance and he was treated and all was ok. I thought, though I did have my suspicions. After the event I gently brought up my suspicions and he assured me it wasn't the case. Now, a few weeks later, he's admitted it was intentional. I'm so lost with what to do. Because the hospital believed him, he didn't get an MH support or referrals. We're in a new city and he doesn't have a GP yet. We've called around a few psychs, and they have epic waiting lists. He's reluctant to speak to someone, he has trouble opening up. As for me, I'm terrified to leave him alone. He's promised it will never happen again, but he swore it didn't happen in the first place, and that wasn't true. I've never been so scared in my life. And I know it's selfish, but I'm trying really really hard not to think about the fact that he tried to leave like that. That he did it in a way that meant I'd find him. I also think he's sorry I found him in time. I'm so scared that the guilt of what that did to me is a new burden on top of the already crushing ones he's under. I'm looking into a therapist for me. God knows I'm looking into help for him. But this whole situation just seems so unfathomable.

Guest_41458433 Digital & Gambling Addiction Self-Exclusion
  • replies: 1

Yes digital and gambling addiction are real but none of the big tech companies are doing anything about it. I asked a fried to please put PARENTAL CONTROLS on all of my devices and it worked. 90 days ago I made a commitment on New Years and the paren... View more

Yes digital and gambling addiction are real but none of the big tech companies are doing anything about it. I asked a fried to please put PARENTAL CONTROLS on all of my devices and it worked. 90 days ago I made a commitment on New Years and the parental controls was the only thing that helped me change my habits. Then I was beginning to wonder why it’s so hard, it’s because big tech companies don’t want us to self-exclude, they rely on our addictions to make profit. It’s too easy to bypass and we need a digital self-exclusion mechanism built into Apple/Microsoft/Google accounts. The App Stores keep making money, so of course they don’t want to implement this. But we need this. Self exclusion from institutions is easy to regulate, but not easy from a digital perspective. Let’s be the people who change this, and get regulators to enforce this with big tech. Are there any politicians who can help us extend self-exclusion into iPhones/Samsung/Tablets in the design of the products??

Hailey Relapsed and isolated alcoholic dad don’t know how to get him to get help
  • replies: 1

My father has been an alcoholic my whole entire life. He has caused my family and myself a lot of trauma, despite this my heart breaks for him because it all stems from his own issues he never got help for. He went to rehab and came out early claimin... View more

My father has been an alcoholic my whole entire life. He has caused my family and myself a lot of trauma, despite this my heart breaks for him because it all stems from his own issues he never got help for. He went to rehab and came out early claiming to be capable. He unfortunately released and I have put on a brave face and do the best I can to be there without triggering my own mental health struggles. He doesn’t eat, he doesn’t shower or take care of himself, he locks himself in his room, his health is fine but he makes excuses that his health is bad and he is too unwell to do anything. Which, yes mentally he is unwell but won’t get help. He attempted to come off his medication alone and I believe that to be the reason for why he is starting to believe things that he has made up in his own mind thinking everyone is against him. He claims he wants to move away and start another life but he has nothing to his name and he will go and just blow all his last remaining money to end up with absolutely nothing. It breaks my heart and I just don’t know what to do. I can’t personally help him because it’s too painful, as well as the fact it’s professional help he desperately needs that we can’t provide ourselves. We have tried to get him to get help but he doesn’t want to go help and his narcissistic tendencies due to the alcohol causes a lot of distress to the family that we are at a loss of what to do. His behaviours tigger my ptsd that I have worked on and am still working on. It makes me feel so guilty that I can’t do more because when I do it takes a massive toll on my own mental health. I want him to get the help he needs and be better for his own health and for my family and myself to be able to build our relationships back up with him.