My partner has anxiety

[Em888]

Hello, i am new here and looking for some others experiencing something similar. My partner, who has always been quite high energy and highly strung, had what I can only call a physical breakdown about 18 months ago. After numerous doctors/specialists together we have self diagnosed him as having nerve issues based on extreme stress over a number of years. He is in various amounts of pain about 50% of the time (unexplained) as well as having some minor anxiety reactions. After being together about 7 years and leading a relatively normal life together this episode and it's aftermath has efretted every aspect of our lives from leisure to intimacy and our ability to be spontaneous. I am struggling and have not reached out for help much amongst friends and family, mostly because i want to respect my partners privacy. It is really challenging and after 18 months I am starting to wonder if this is our new reality and if the way we led our lives in the past will never be again.

THanks for reading, also wondering if there are any support groups for partners of people experiencing anxiety in melbourne.

Em888

[Doolhof]

Hi Em888,

Thanks for sharing your story here. There is information available in The Facts section on this page of this forum. You could also phone Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636. Someone answering the phone may be able to help you with support groups in your region for anxiety issues.

Has your boyfriend been diagnosed by a psychiatrist? That might be helpful. Self diagnosis is helpful but not always correct.

Have you researched ways to beat anxiety on the internet? I look up information then take it to my Dr to confirm or deny if the information is relevant or helpful.

Therapist may be able to help you both.

You may find it beneficial to choose one family member or friend whom you can talk with. Maybe even if it is just about how you are feeling right now.

Hope you are able to find the help and support you need. The local library may also have books on anxiety.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[BballJ]

Hi Em888,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

Doolhof has given some great advice above, I just wanted to add my part in as someone who suffers from anxiety and have had my partner also have to adjust to my anxiety. Self diagnosis is very hard so I would recommend you both go and get it checked out by a professional, not only for an official diagnosis per say but so they can offer help and assistance to start the journey to recovery. I say journey because dealing with anxiety and learning to control it is not an overnight thing, it takes time hence the journey. You obviously really care for you partner and that is why you are here asking for advice. Counselling is in my opinion the way to go, perhaps for both of you as well, more for you to learn how to deal with it appropriately. My advice would be just support them as much as you can, especially when the symptoms flare up, and if they don't want to talk about it, try not to get angry as that is a big thing with my anxiety, I don't like talking about it and when my partner asks why I have anxiety, I just say I don't know because sometimes I really don't, she has learnt not to get angry now and just backs off if I say I don't know.

I am not sure about the support groups but these forums are great and I do hope others comment who are in your position to give better advice.

My best for you and your partner,

Jay

[Em888]

Thanks so much for your reply Jay. I should clarify, he has actually sought help from a psychiatrist for the anxiety and it is more the physical/pain aspect of his condition that we self diagnosed and are managing. He is in contact with some very trusted GPs who have been amazing. I will definitely take your advice about counselling.

All the best

Em888

[Em888]

Thanks for your suggestions. I should clarify that he has actually sought help from trusted GPs and a psychiatrist, it was more the physical and pain symptoms that we self diagnosed after months of tests and appointments.

I will try Google and reading up myself to better understand the condition.

All the best

Em888

[Doolhof]

Hi Em888,

It is wonderful you and your partner have the support of a Dr and a psychiatrist. I find that research can be very beneficial. I also know I have to be a little careful with Dr. Google though. I try and run ideas and information past my Dr to see what he thinks about the stuff I think may be beneficial or relevant.

Regarding the pain issues, has your partner found anything that will help to relieve it?

I'm wondering if he has tried gentle massage, meditation, water therapy perhaps where he can become almost weightless with the use of pool noodles in a warm pool for example.

Pools used for hydrotherapy are generally warmer than the regular pools so are great for just floating in and relaxing.

You also mention all of this is affecting your relationship. Could you write down a list of things you would like to do together and when your partner is having a better day you could try to do something on the list.

It may also be important for you to continue doing activities and attend events without your partner now and then. This does not mean that you care any less for him. It means you are looking after yourself and your needs, you will feel more fulfilled and maybe better able to help your partner.

Over the years, my husband and I have had to come up with different ideas and options due to various medical conditions. Sometimes you have to be creative, compromise, accept the things you can't change and try different options.

One day at a time works well for me.

Cheers for now from Dools