My Husband suffers from depression and anxiety. How can i help him?

[krooz]

First of all please forgive the long post. My Husband has suffered from depression and anxiety prior to being together. I don't know the full story about what happened beforehand by choice but i understand that it was very bad and he had attempted suicide twice.

He is on anti-depressants and sees a psychiatrist when he feels he needs too. We have been together now for 5 years and although i have been told by my in laws that i was the best thing that happened to him and that he is so much better off, i have also seen how this depression takes him over when he has and forgive my ignorance "episodes". It breaks my heart to see him like this.

I love him very much and i hate watching him go through this. It can be very hard at at times as i have no clue as to whats going on in his mind or what i can do to help and even though there are times where i'm at my wits end, i have never considered leaving him.

I feel like we were meant to be for a reason. I have come to pick up on the signs of when he starts to feel down and even though i ask him if he is OK and he says yes there is always that feeling that its not and then the time comes when he tells me that he isn't feeling right.

He doesn't tell me straight away cause he doesn't want me to worry and i can understand that cause i do tend to worry but at the same time the irrational side of me feels he is shutting me out. During his episodes i am always by his side and i try to get him to talk and tell me what brought them on and sometimes he will say stress at work or financial problems. Other times its just i don't know.

He doesn't have suicidal thoughts anymore (thank god) as he wants to live for myself, him, our son and our unborn baby girl. I have tried talking to family and friends for advice, but they just don't seem to understand.

he has started a new job recently and i cant not help but feel that this job is doing more harm than good mentally as he seems to be emerged in it. I never asked him to take the job as i dont care bout anything else but us being together as a family and i have told him this, but i think he has a need to provide for his family.

He is a fantastic husband, father and provider and he does not deserve to go through this. I'm coming here hoping that someone will be able to give me some advice as to what to do. I have tried everything i can to help him and i think that at the moment because i am pregnant my hormones are a bit more wired than usual which is why im struggling a bit more.

RELATED THREADS

Upset and distressed about my husband

Feel desperate about my husband with double depression and avoidant personality traits

I don't know what to do - partner's anxiety

Worried sick about my partner

Struggling to cope with my husband's depression

[Chris_B]

Hi krooz,

Welcome to the forums. Congratulations on your forthcoming new arrival to the family! Hopefully the related threads listed above might give you some insights as to how other members have coped in similar situations, you are not alone in struggling with how to best support a spouse with ongoing depression. Please feel free to revive them.

Below are links to a couple of beyondblue resources you might find helpful as well:

[HA1]

Hello Krooz!

Sorry to hear about your husband and the helpless you are feeling.  I guess you will have discovered that there are a large number of threads on this topic.

Although I am a sufferer rather than a carer, I hope I can help in some little way.

Firstly, your husband is not shutting you out as such.  If he is like me, he may need a little space every now and again - including headspace.  I often need to be alone with my thoughts - and then I am ready again. Physical space is also nice to have if it is available.  I have a (very) small room that I can 'escape' to just to read do my paperwork, etc. Is that an option?

It is good that you have learnt to pick up on the signs.  The roller coaster can be unpredictable.  You are doing good in that you are able to be there for him when he needs support.  

Unfortunately, and speaking from personal experience, I don't think that a new high pressure job is doing him much good.  Is he aware that it may be having a detrimental effect on his illness?  Your reflect (in my opinion) the right positive attitude in that money, position and status is unimportant when it come to mental health.  I have arrived at the point where I am planning on a lifestyle change to ensure that I continue to get better.

I also note that your husband visits a psychiatrist when he feels he needs to.  Does he also see a psychologist? 

If you would like to, I would be happy to chat further.

Take care

K