Looking for support

[Guest_6510]

Hi everyone, I’m new here! I think I’m looking for support. Some kind stranger who will listen to me and tell me things will be ok and it will get better.

I moved to Australia to married the love of my life. We don’t have any kid just me and him for the last 10 years. We have small circle of friends and to me, my husband is my only family. He’s always been struggling with mild depression but I don’t know that it’s going to be this serious.

Over the year, life is getting harder and harder for him. He will be the light of the party, but in private, he’s sad and depress. Sometimes he’ll tell me that something like he wanted to kill himself but because of me, he didn’t.

He’s been seeing psychiatrist but he’s not getting better, I feel that he’s getting worst with his meds. A few days ago, he decided to check himself into mental health ward. I’m so proud of his decision and I hope this will help him.

I really want to understand him and help him get better but deep down, I know that I won’t understand or know how deep his pain is. And this is the worst part, someone I love is right in front of me but he’s so far away, I want him to know that I’m right here.

I work 9 to 5 then visit him everyday after work. It’s hard going through this alone but I need to be strong for both of us. I cried when the nurse asked if I’m ok or when an Ola driver asked me. But whenever I walked in those double doors I need to be a strong person, be his rock. I want to know how long it will take, will he ever be the same person again or what else can I do...

[geoff]

Hello Hope and a warm welcome to the site.

Sometimes we aren't sure whether someone is suffering from mild depression or pretending to hide their true feelings and deeply depressed and this isn't easy to know unless they tell you or you notice how they are behaving, only because of humour, no wanting to communicate or not wanting to do activities together with a show of avoidance, anger, blame and/or isolation.

This can happen because of your circumstances and not being able to join in and may only happen in the occasional situation, that's something you may already notice.

There are different sides to being depressed, and I'm not a doctor, nor qualified to say, however, experience has shown me this, not necessarily with me but other people I have known.

There is a possibility that they blame others for how they're feeling or alternatively, their abuse is self-absorbed to the point of losing the ability to relate to others and focus on their own worthlessness, which isn't fair at all or perhaps both can be combined.

Many people do say that they don't want to talk with their closest friend/partner/spouse, simply because they don't want them to worry, unfortunately, this doesn't happen, especially when you are living with them.

Has he considered seeing a psychologist and maybe his psychiatrist could suggest one for him, that's an option to consider, not that I can tell you what to do, it's only a suggestion.

This seems to be affecting you, which I'm so sorry to you, so maybe you need to consult with your doctor and ask about the mental health plan, this entitles you to 10 Medicare paid sessions per year.

From my own experience, it does get better and then develop another strength, one which you may not have seen before, I hope you are able to understand this and please ask any questions you ike.

Take care.

Geoff.

[Guest_6510]

Hi Geoff, thank you so much for your time replying to me. I really appreciate it.

[geoff]

Hello Hope, please stay in touch with us.

Best wishs.

Geoff.

[815]

Hi Hope270,

I hope that you can find some support, and some sort of comfort in these forums.

I wish I could provide some definite answers for some of your questions. I was you, not so long ago. I came on here, seeking hope, wanting to know that things would get better, trying to find something to hold onto.

Mid last year, my husband was diagnosed with severe depression, he was put on medication and started seeing a psychologist. I wanted to support him through this. But he pushed me away. We went for months with him pulling further and further away from me. He told me I'd never understand so he didn't bother trying to tell me what was going on. He wanted more from me that I knew how to give. And that made him angry. And it took a terrible toll on our family.

After many months, after three different medications, after countless counselling sessions, we are slowly working through life together.

I want to tell you, there is hope, things can get better. It won't be easy, and it will be a long journey. My husband insisted that things would never be the same again. And I believe him. But what I see now, is a man stronger than the one I knew before. Because in a way I have seen his vulnerability, but he rises above that.

For a long time my husband did not allow me to support him. So all I could do was try to stay strong for him, and the kids, and look after them in ways that they would allow. Cook, clean, pay bills. Spend time with my kids.

Your husband seems to have an acceptance of his condition and has sought help. He allows you to support him, and I think that in itself is a huge thing. Just keep doing what you are doing. Being there for him. It is a lonely journey, so please, if you can, as Geoff suggested, seek some support for yourself. I went initially to speak to my GP and have since been referred to a psychologist myself which I have found invaluable.

If there is one thing I've learned, is to never give up. There is always hope for better days.

[Guest_6510]

Thanks 815, your story gave me some kind of hope. I wish that day will come for us.

After so many years together, I thought I knew everything about my husband, reason for his sadness, anxiety and everything. I had plan to fix all of his problems. But this week I've just leant that there's was more to the story. Something that happened to him when he was young. It was so bad. I don't know how he could get through this, I’m devastated.

[Guest_6510]

Hi Geoff, I read your replies in several posts and I really want to thank you, you’re a great person, I’m sure your answer have helped so many people including me.

But please know that I’m ok and I can do this.

[815]

Hi,

I understand it is probably devastating to find out things that your husband has suffered through in childhood. Through this I have also found out a bit more about my husband's childhood and just how traumatic it was, some sort of explanation maybe as to what has brought us here.

I thought I could fix things too. Through love and care alone. But it is something I have come to accept, that unfortunately that isn't enough, and they need proper professional support, as do we as carers.

But you are right, you will get through this. You can do it.

I do hope you come back some time and read this and let us know how things are. Take care.