I'm very depressed and constantly anxious alcoholic brother.

Sal

Every afternoon my middle-aged brother starts drinking and doesn't stop until he is so drunk he can barely walk. He gets very verbally abusive. He also tries to be physically intimidating. We have both been raised by a narcistic mother. He too is very narcistic. I live with my mother and brother on the same property. Every day I live in fear of what's going to happen. Im 50 years of and live with them because my my mother needs me to pay her part of her mortgage or she looses the house. She calls this rent. I'm so anxious and depressed. I feel emotionally exhausted after having to live like this for the last 15 years. I can't afford to rent anywhere else and have been made to feel guilty if I mention I'm upset about my situation to my mother and brother. I don't know what to do. Frightened I'm going to have a mental breakdown.

indigo22

Hi Sal,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for reaching out to us.

That is a big load you are carrying and I am sorry to hear how it is affecting you. I am not surprised you are feeling like you are at the end of your tether. Are you getting any support from counselling? Do you have someone you can talk to, a good friend perhaps?

I can relate to some of what you have written. My mother was somewhat narcissistic and I have a sister who has always been a narcissist. They are near impossible to live with so I understand your predicament. Not having the finances to have other choices is depressing in itself, without having to live with the unknown on a daily basis. It is really important that you get some help and start putting yourself first.

I have a few suggestions to begin with (sorry if you have already tried some of this):

A visit to your GP would be a good start with a long appointment so you have time to talk about what you are dealing with and how it is affecting you. Your GP can set up a mental health plan to access counselling and may consider medication to help you.

When you are feeling the need, I would like you to consider reaching out to the helpline below. They are professionals who are there to help so please take advantage of their help. They may also be able to point you to additional support services in your area.

1800Respect - available 24/7 - 1800 737 732

On a more personal note, you were not born to solve everyone else's problems. You don't deserve to have to deal with an alcoholic sibling every day or a mother who considers you as her financial solution. This is your life and you deserve to be happy. I wrote the below post recently and I think it would help you to read it.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/the-true-meaning-of-self-love/td-p/613554

It is really important that you keep reaching out while you are dealing with your current situation, you don't have to deal with it alone. Make use of the helplines and keep talking to us, we are here to support you.

Take care of yourself first,

indigo

Sal

Thank you so much for your reply indigo I really appreciate it.

therising

Hi Sal

What you speak of sounds incredibly stressful. It conjures up so many different feelings along with stress, such as the feeling of dread, the feeling of not being heard and respected, the feeling of nothing changing for the better and so many more feelings to be felt. On their own, each feeling is challenging. Collectively, they would feel overwhelming and unbearable and too much to manage alone.

Indigo offers sage advice when it comes to finding guides. A GP who can guide you toward a counselor who could help you make greater sense of everything and the best way forward sounds like a solid plan. Returning here could also be a part of your plan, if that's what you feel serves you. Personally, I've found that with a breakdown there's always a lead up. When the lead up reaches its peak and we're forced to break everything down (in order to acknowledge all that's involved), there can be a collapse under mental pressure, physical pressure throughout our physical body and even a soulful sense of pressure. There's nothing quite like the feeling of being forced to consciously search for what feels like heaven on earth, as opposed to continuing to face what feels like hell on earth.

One of my key findings in regard to narcissists and heavy drinkers is...you can't reason with them, so don't. You could offer a self righteous person every valid reason under the sun for your sense of suffering or their need to open their mind more and they'll typically not listen to what's perfectly reasonable. This is based on their fact that they're right and you're wrong and there's something wrong with you. You can give a semi conscious person every valid reason in existence as to how incredibly damaging their Jekyll and Hyde (sober and drunk) existence is and most often they will not listen to reason. They will find all the reasons to keep drinking until something mind altering or catastrophic wakes them up. Some never wake up. You could say you're the only one in the house that's largely conscious and largely reason able and open minded. Frustrating to say the least and at the most depressing and stressful. You've opened your mind to possible answers or solutions, which has led you here. Knowing when to open our mind and when to close it can be a massive challenge. Open it to possibilities and close it to abuse from narcissists and alcoholics. The mind will breathe in what is toxic if we're not careful. You already have an incredible mind. Don't believe what anyone (you live with) tells you.

Sal

Thank you for your response what you have written is very true. I really appreciate the support. I am trying to go grey rock a little and trying to keep some boundaries and spend more time out of the house with friends but unfortunately This has caused my Narcistic mother to become absolutely crazy. Silent treatment throwing things constant passive aggressive remarks. All because I won't do things with her every day. I will definitely be seeking more help to get threw this.