I know my husband is suffering depression- I just need to help him

[Rosethorn]

I have just started researching, started reading another husband leaving post. My Husband just moved & rented a place 4 weeks ago. Out of the blue, left me and our baby. I know he has depression, some days he admits it when he is crying that there is no point living as there is no light at tunnel, that there is no point to any of this. I managed to get him to see a Dr a few weeks ago but that day when Dr asked him if he was depressed my husband said No. He is trying to make himself believe we fought all the time ( we did not), he telling me to move on. He loves our baby, the only thing he is happy about. He is more depressed now moving out, he can't afford 2 mortgages,plus rent. His work is really stressful, he is career driven had way too much on his plate this year. He is 32, & thinks he should own/ have more because he is on high income. I always say slow down, it will come relax but he just thinks I don't care about getting ahead. I sent him the black Dog video, he agreed he has similarities ( most/all I think). which is a positive, that he admitted but can I can do now?. I know I cant make him get help- what' his options?- counselling or medication. Is there anything I can do? I have not helped that much in the last few weeks as I've been distraught with him leaving me.

[white knight]

Hi rosethorn, welcome

My view are,

High mortgage, stressful job, new dad and any other factors equals "I want to get out if here"

I'd like to help you look at other ways to the possibilities.

Google Topic: be radical- beyondblue

I'd try relationship Australia. Good luck

Tony WK

[blondguy]

Hi Rosethorn

Thankyou for taking the time and effort to post Rose. There is a lot in your post but something really stood out for me as a volunteer and if I may quote you...."He is 32, & thinks he should own/ have more because he is on high income. I always say slow down"

You have a sense of clarity where your husband is concerned. You are spot on...he is only 32. I am sorry that he has moved out and left you and your new baby...I really have no words on that...

First things first.....you have mentioned that he has a couple of symptoms of depression...you also mentioned that he told his GP that 'he doesnt have it'. You have done really well by getting your husband to a doctor and good on you!

If you scroll to the bottom of this page you will see 'The Facts'....under that header you will see the 'anxiety & depression checklist' You are a pro-active and caring person.....you will be able to find other symptoms that might may give you a better idea of your husbands symptoms and what they represent.

Just so we can help you a bit more....can I ask what your husbands reasons were for leaving? (if thats okay of course)

My kindest thoughts to you and your baby right now 🙂

Paulx

[geoff]

hi Rosethorn, depression does become so confusing for that particular person who has it, but also to those that are closely linked by marriage or relationship, because questions asked their answers can often change which makes it unknown as to what to do.
By not telling his doctor that he has depression is actually denying that he has this illness, even though he has said to you that he has it, but he's not accepting the point that he needs help, this may sound to be rather strange by me saying this, but that's exactly how I was.
Now that he has moved out could then make him realise that help is needed, that's all it takes is for one little problem to happen plus the fact that he is going to miss the baby.
How can you tell a person that they have too much on their plate, would that mean that they feel inadequate or take it as being a failure, maybe or maybe not, but for him to watch the Black Dog video is a good way for him to think about his condition and that perhaps he needs help.
This can be a slow process and as what Paul has said for him to look at 'The Facts' plus if you click on Get Support' at the top of the page and scroll down to 'information resources' and order all the printed material from BB, it's all free, but if he can read some of this may also make him know that he does need help, which means that he has to go back to his doctor and say how he feels. Geoff. x

[Carmela]

Hi Rosethorn, when did this period of depression begin? I found that my husband became depressed 6 months after our son was born. The changes and responsibilities were difficult for him and so he retreated and disconnected from the world and engulfed his time with work.

From my years of experience in supporting a husband with depression, the most important thing you can do is to let your husband know that you are there for him when he is ready - a phone call or text confirming your love and that the door is open and your ears ready to listen. It is his journey and if he feels he needs to escape then there is little you can do. Bring the focus back to you and your baby. It is during these times, your mental health can be affected, so its important to bring your attention back to you for self care.

When you are in conversation with your hubby, don't allow the time to all about depression and his mood. Talk about thinks that make him happy. Text him photos of the baby and reminders of why you married. Bring the light back into his darkness. If he is open to it, organise a little weekend away for the three of you to just be or better still, a couple weekend to connect again.

Unfortunately you cannot rush this process. Patience is key as well as compassion and love.

Hang in there Rosethorn. Sending you blessing.

Carmela