I don’t know what to do

Kellie14 · ‎11-09-2019

Hi everyone,

my husband has depression and some anxiety. Sometimes he’s great, but when he’s down, he’s down. I try my hardest to support him the best I can. He has just told me that he is unhappy in our marriage and with his work and everything else. He doesn’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do. He doesn’t want to talk about it and he doesn’t want to see anybody about it. He says there is something in his life missing and he doesn’t know what it is or how to figure out what it is. What do I do? I don’t know weather to talk to him or give him space. Thanks in advance

Lotus88 · ‎12-09-2019

Hi Kellie14,

So sorry to hear this. Although I would love to offer you some life changing wisdom, sadly I am in the same boat. My husband is currently suffering from depression, but thought maybe reaching out to you may make you feel less lonely and isolated.

I have noticed my husband has struggled on and off for many years, however his denial made it hard to speak to him about it. In the last 12 months it has spiralled and I don't even know who he is anymore. We've gone from having a happy fulfilling life with a young family and a solid relationship, camping, fishing, socialising to just existing. I suffered severe depression as a teen so I am more than aware of the struggles and the loooong road ahead, but I think mens depression is a whole different ball game. My husband outright refused to talk to someone for years and it's only now he is on his 3rd session.

It sounds like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place, you want to help and support him, but like most men they don't want to talk. I'm still finding how to deal with this myself, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells most days and have to really think about what I say and how to say it without making him get so defensive and without coming across as nagging. I hate that I have put so much thought into everything I do and that I'm having to bend overbackwards to ensure I don't upset him. In the last week I've decided I can't directly fix him, I just need to try and support him when he reaches out (not that he does) I've made an effort to take my 2 girls out for walks around the lake, go down the park and just focus on making sure I'm ok aswell. Every morning I take myself outside each morning and have a coffee and just remind myself of the things I am grateful for and find the beauty in the small things. I have also downloaded an app called Calm which has some great guided meditation. Anything to take care of your own mentality for even a few minutes I found is helping. My husband barely speaks to me anymore, we rarely have sex because he has zero interest and has zero interest in anything. It makes a very morbid life that I've found myself in.

Well I hope I haven't blabbed on to much about myself, just want you to know you aren't alone. It's going to be a very long road, but I hope he gets the help he needs and you guys can work through it and come out the other side stronger and united.

All my love and support, you take care of yourself xx

Kellie14 · ‎14-09-2019

Thankyou for your response. Although it’s not an ideal situation you are in, it is nice to hear other people going through the same thing, it makes it feel like there is a lot of people that have experienced this and got through it, so it gives me hope! I don’t know weather talking to him and trying to be positive helps or makes it worse. He said he wants space but then I feel like I’m isolating us further. He seems happier when he talks to other people but as soon as he talks to me he sounds really depressed. I just hate it. I love him with every entire part of me, and I just wish I could help him...

Angel_love · ‎18-09-2019

Reading this is just like I'm reading about my own life My partner is the same he has gotten help and is on medication but ATM thinks are not improving I try so hard not to upset him but it's so stressful and then I find ourselves arguing and saying things we regret and really don't mean I love this man with all my heart I want to help him and support him but just don't know how to keep ontop of everything

thank you for your post it's helped so much to know I'm not alone

aprilmayyy · ‎10-04-2020

HI all,

It is somehow comforting to read that there are many of us going through the same thing. My boyfriend is struggling...really struggling. One day he wants to break up, the next he talks about being with me forever (we are 25). He wants to quit his amazing job, has pushed all his friends away and tells me he sees no light at the end of the tunnel and hasn't felt happy in months.

I offer all of my love and support which falls on deaf ears. I just don't know how much longer I can do this...I feel like I am losing myself and wasting away 😞