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Husband has depression and left home to get himself right

Community Member

I don't know where to start with this all but 2 weeks ago my husband told me he needed a break from our marriage and originally moved into the spare room. It was so hard on me as we have a 2 year old and it was confusing for him why Dadda was sleeping in the spare room. He eventually told me that he as been suffering in a black fog for the past 3 months and that he doesn't know anything anymore, including us. He even told me he had dark thoughts while I was away but thankfully it scared him and he has since gone to the GP. He is on Anti depressants and booked into see a Pysch. In the meantime he is talking to a counsellor online I think. A little bit of background, my hubby was adopted and always held a hatred for his birth mother, he has had low self esteem and never feels good enough. We have been together 9 years and married for 6 years. His adoptive mother is interesting as well and never really handled things right with the adoption. Anyway, recently (October) she told my husband that she knows his birth name and has some documents from his adoption. This has sent him into a tale spin, I noticed him changing from there. He says he no longer knows who he is or what his life is.

We recently sold a house and purchased Land to build. This has added to his stress....I told him that I would support him through this but he has decided that he needs to go and left, ironically to his mothers. I am heartbroken, I don't know what to do and how to support him. He sends me messages that he wants to build the house and that we are just taking a break while he sorts himself out. Then will say that he wants to build the house so I and my son have a roof over our head. I told him that I can't afford to live in it on my own. He came over on Saturday for 3 hours and when he left I was a mess. He was dark and moody but walked around the house like he still lived here, it was very weird. He says he doesn't know how he feels. I am confused as well, we ended up fighting and I feel he wants me to say its over. I have no idea if he will come back or not. I wanted to do this together but he has left.

How do I deal with this? Do I disconnect and let him work it out, or try and support him?

42 Replies 42

Community Member

Hi Piersu - thank you so much for your information, I will have a look tonight at home. He is still not home but is working towards it, I believe. He recently got his adoption file and this set him back a little.

I am doing okay, its been tough but I am getting there. I am learning to live my life as it is now. Hopefully he will come around soon.


Community Member
hey, your story is pretty much what i am going through, my husband of ten years told me he wanted out, he said i need to fix my head before i fix our relationship. now i was shocked as i know we have fought but i didnt think we were this bad. at the moment he is avoiding the house and only calls to talk to our 6 year old. alot pf ppl have let my husband down and i feel i am getting the brunt of it. i'm still in love with him, but i have to let the ball be in his court. hes a fifo and will be home this week. i told him i miss him on the phone and i love him and all he said was i know. my heart and head are soo confused and everyone is on shock of his behaviour. so i feel ya mate

Community Member

Hi Rae 32,

I know you posted a couple of years ago now, but I’ve just come across your post. Your post sounds eerily similar to what I am currently going through.

My husband of 5 years (partner of over 15) and father of our 2 children is currently suffering depression.

He is a FIFO worker and told me a couple of months ago that he doesn’t feel the same about me and our children anymore. He loves and misses us but doesn’t feel right around us. He has moved into a donga at his parents when he’s home as he can’t be here for long periods of time as everything annoys him when he’s here. He’s not sure what he wants anymore.

I am so heartbroken. I am interested to know how your story turned out, if you’re willing to share?