How do you not scream at them!??

[Morgsy]

My first post. Have a husband who is a recovering alcoholic with diagnosed depression and anxiety past 2 years. He has been seeing our local doctor is on depressents and calma's when needed. He's recently changed his medication as I pushed him to mention that nights were bad. Very short tempered, moody, in the afternoons/evenings. Things still haven't improved. It's exhausting always being the peace keeper. He doesnt handle our 14 year old daughter well, (normal teenager with attitude) and gets so angry. I just want to scream back at him to just stop it, which I know you can't do. It's so hard. No I don't talk to anyone hence this post. I keep it all inside, put on the brave face and go to work. I've read books, I'm trying to learn and understand everything I can. There seems to be lots of help for the patient but what about me and our children!? Sounds terribly selfish I'm sorry. He'll wake up in the morning and be good, but each bad night another part of me breaks inside.

[white knight]

Hi Morgsy, welcome

Teenager with attitude...mmmm..well that attitude nerds maturity and that takes time. A teen has a right to be a teen.

Being a carer you also need comfort and reassurance.

Google

Topic: who cares for the carer?- beyondblue

Does he sleep ok?. Does he snore or stop breathing?

Google

Topic: a good nights deep sleep- beyondblue

Topic: depression and sensitivity, a connection?- beyondblue

Topic: talking to men- beyondblue

I hope they help.

Tony WK

[MsPurple]

Hi Morgsy and welcome to the forums

Tony WK has given you some good forums to look up with some similar themes which maybe helpful to get multiple perspectives on a similar issue

It can be difficult dealing with a family member having depression, dealing with adiction and trying to raise a family. Sounds like being peace keeper is becoming exhausting to you. I think it is really good that you got him to discuss his symptoms and issues with the GP. Have you had a coversation with your husband about his anxiety/depression/anger? Open communication can really be helpful because you may not understand his perspective. If you have open communication you can both talk about how you saw a situation and you can come up with strategies on how to deal with that situation better. I find when I am really anxious I can become short and get agitated. Sometimes when I was like that mum would offer me a cuppa tea and sometimes we would chat (about anything) or walk the dogs to help elevate my anxiety. This helped me not be so angry and aggitated.

I don't think you are being selfish. It is normal to become frustated in this situation. However fighting fire with fire never works. It is better to try help everyone with support. Remember you are the wife, not a psychologist. You can not help him with everything. He may need to see someone however that is up to you and your husband. You need to also make sure you have enough time and self care for yourself. There is also a website called 'mindspot' which offers online support as well.

Hope some of this was helpful - MP

[Winterfell]

It sounds like he is stressed and irritable in the evenings. sometimes my husband gets cranky in the late afternoon - I have 2 noisy boys (11 & 9) and they are forever being silly and noisy and we have really busy schedules. My husband and I have agreed that when he starts getting irritable that I can give him a sign or a cue to step out for a bit. We saw a relationship counsellor and this was the sort of stuff we developed agreements around. Sometimes if I get him to take a time out by taking a walk or laying in another room it just provides a circuit breaker for us. I get frustrated as I get home from work and just want to relax - I dont want stress or arguments. Its hard but have you talked to him about it and come up with any ideas?