Helping a partner through depression but he has cut me off

[N21517]

Hi,

ive been dating someone for around 6 months now. In the beginning everything was great, and then I started noticing every now and then he would be a little moody and go quiet for a couple of days and then things would be normal. I found out he was on antidepressants which I figured explained the moodiness. I brought up the topic with him, which he got defensive over but I kind of figured some men aren’t so great with that topic. So I let it be. I let him know that it’s ok. And I know of others who take antidepressants also and I’m not here to judge. It’s great he sort help and I’ll always be around if he needed me for anything.

So a few months go past. Same moodiness every now and then. He said he’s stresses at work. We went away for a long weekend and everything seemed great, but once we got back. He went silent. For almost a week I got nothing from him. No calls no messages. Maybe a basic “good morning, hope your days good” every now and then. I would ask if he is ok and he would always say “yes”.

This went on for another week and I couldn’t take the silence any more. I asked what was going on, why he was shutting me out and he said he was dealing with some things and that was all. He wouldn’t even talk to me about normal things in his life any more. Then I found out he had been to a couple of funerals, he was at job interviews etc. I felt non-existent at this point. I don’t need to know all the details of his day to day life but he wasn’t sharing anything at all. Then goes another week. I had to speak up. We had an argument and he said he needed some time. Almost a week later he calls and explains what’s going on but the conversation was left unfinished. He came into my work with his daughter, for me it was a very awkward moment, it’s almost like he thought things were normalc which they aren’t. And now it’s been almost a week again. And I’ve headers absolutely nothing.

I want to be supportive of what’s happening. And I understand that maybe he needs to clear some issues in his life but he has been around his family and friends and I seam to be the only one shut out. He says this isn’t true, he’s like this with other people.

how long so I just wait around?

[white knight]

Hi N,

Welcome

Ultimately you'll need to decide. Patience or split.

Just because he has an illness doesnt equal silence. There are certain rules of communication that is unwritten and set as a minimum. His level appears too low and evasive.

Google

Topic: who caresfor the carer?- beyondblue

Topic: supermarket shelves- beyondblue

Topic: talking to men, some tips- beyondblue

Topic: does stubborness have a place?- beyondblue

Some of those wont be relevant but some would.

Do what is right for your health and your future at this point. If you are going to talk about it to him m as ke sure you ask him to listen at what your needs are, be clear and direct.

Repost anytime

Tony WK

[quirkywords]

Hi N,

Welcome to the forum and thank for sharing your story.

I can see you are feeling frustrated and isolated from your partner's life. You have tried to be understanding and supportive and you can't understand why he has shut you out yet still keeping in touch with other people.

Tony has given you some interesting threads to read.

For myself sometimes when I was depressed, I would make an effort at work, with my children, my parents, so that when I came home I was exhausted and had not much left to give. My husband at the time, would complain that I had energy for everyone but him. I was exhausted but also I felt I could be myself with him so I did not need to pretend. I just know when depressed I find it so difficult to even explain to myself how I feel, yet alone to other people. Sometimes I would keep myself away from friends as I felt like a burden to them and did not want them to see me so low.

That was me.

If you can explain how you feel, how you want to be supportive , but how you feel shut out.

Welcome again

Quirky

[geoff]

hi N21517, I had replied to you but I don't think it was accepted, will try again later on. Geoff.

[N21517]

Thankyou white knight! I’ll have a look into those articles. I just don’t quite understand what you mean by The certain rules of communication and him being low and evasive.

N

[N21517]

Thankyou Quirky.

I would love to talk to him about this. He has explained what he is going which I think is a great step on his part. I guess I’m just waiting for things to settle down with him before I tell him exactly how I feel and what I expect too. I don’t want to add more stress to his issues already. But I don’t want to be treated like this also. It’s a two edged sword I guess.

N