Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Drowning beside Denial

replies: 1

Hi to everyone reading, without giving a long history, I'm struggling to support my partner who has long term mental I'll health. He is in his early 40's. we have been together only a short time, but known each other for a while. My partner has been on and off depression medication for some time. In my opinion his medication does not alter his unhealthy behaviour which includes verbal domestic violence, aggression, anxiety, delusional thoughts and paranoia. over the past 20 years he has been dependant on alcohol and other drugs from marijuana to meth and binge drinking. Which in my opinion further impacts his mood and behavioir negatively. I have sought help with over the phone counselors but nothing has changed the fact I cannot make my partner seek medical attention to assess his mental health. Bi-polar and mental health runs in his family and I strongly believe he has Undiagnosed Bi-Polar. The saddest and most frustrating thing for me is I believe with the correct medication and support his life and mental health could completely turn around. But at my insistence, asking for months now - he has not made any attempt to see a new GP and look at a MH assessment. he belives he can heal himself and I'm worried he may be in complete denial through fear and or shame that he may be needing treatment for Bi-Polar OR another MH disorder. his agression, paranoia, negativity, verbal abuse and current AOD dependency is ruining our relationship and it's ruining the goodness I'm him. Any advice you can please give to me on how to coax him to seek treatment would be so welcoming. thank you.

DSP claiming process

replies: 3

Hi Everyone, I'm a carer for my husband who has GAD, Health anxiety, PTSD & Panic attacks. He see's his doctor on a weekly basis and a clinical psychologist doing CBT. He is also on medication. 6 months ago he got worse and I needed to give up work to care for him, as soon as I would leave the house he would have a panic attack so now I need to go everywhere with him. He use to get treatment from another psychologist (not clinical) for 5 years but didn't help him one bit then one day said sorry can't help you, you need to find another psychologist that can because I can't. Due to my husband's doctor giving him a number of Centrelink medical certificates as he is not in the right mind frame to even think about working Centrelink made an appointment for him to have a review for his benchmark hours. The woman who conducted the interview was nice and could see that he wasn't coping too well and told him he doesn't need to say anything about his conditions as my husband has supplied a letter from his GP confirming the conditions and also a report from his clinical psychologist. She told him however that he may need to consider that he needs to look for 15-22 hours per week but recommended that he consider trying for DSP as she thinks that 15 hours would be too much for him and that she couldn't make it any lower than 15 hours. My question is has anyone been successful gaining DSP with the same sort of conditions as he has? I thank everyone in advance who replies.

Bipolar partner

replies: 7

My bipolar partner has recently moved out of our home after 12 months living together. From reading other threads it seems it is common for them to leave... he also said I would be better off without him. In some ways it is much easier to be in a relationship with him living apart but it's not ideal. It is easier for him to push me away or hide if he's not living with me. He moved out when he was in the process of transitioning to a new psych and new drug regime as he had been in an extended low... It seems the new regime that has been in place for 3 months now is not really working. He has had ECT before and said it was effective but he is reluctant to consider it again as he says it is "embarrassing". Any comments around this situation would be helpful.... Is living apart an effective solution for a couple with a bipolar partner (especially long term)?... is ECT good/bad?... I've learnt not to take his comments/disconnection personally but it does get tricky when it doesn't feel like he's there for me so how do others manage this?... I know I can't fix it but does it get easier with time? I really enjoy our time together - for 2 years he managed it well but the last 8 months have been awful... At what point do you walk away for your own health? Thanks in advance.

Is depression the reason he is pushing me away

replies: 6

Help. Dating a guy for several months. He was open and explained trust issues and confided his ex bullied him and since separation has prevented him from seeing his children. During this early discussion I told him I know it won't be easy, but I care about him and I'm here. Since the beginning I can see its undeniably heartbreaking for him, previously we talked about it and we told each other we care and had a great relationship. Following a very recent court date recently (which resulted in him not seeing his kids for another reasonable amount of time) I've noticed changes in him and I've been deeply concerned. Ranging from lack of interest in things he enjoys, intimacy, withdrawing from friends/family/me, irritable, change of appetite, insomnia and difficulty getting out of bed. He told me on a number of occasions he is not himself, doesn't care/feel anything anymore, doesn't know the answers and is numb. Unfortunately I didn't recognise all of these signs at once, and I thought I had done something wrong and blamed myself. I felt hurt and uncertain After I spoke to a friend and (without diagnosis) she helped me to see what i deep down knew, he isn't just sad, he maybe affected by depression during this hard time. He opened up last night and I'm glad he trusted me to do so, it was very brave of him. He told me he doesn't know the answers, who he is and if he doesn't want to be around him why should anyone else. He said work, the situation, friends, family me is just "pressure" and he can't even look after himself. He said he i shutting off from me and the the world. But he loves spending time with me and everything about me. I told him his important to me and I'm not going anywhere, to which he responds I don't want to hurt anyone, or put you through my shit its not fair on you. When I would say if you need space he would respond but i care about you and you have been really supportive i just don't know if i can give you what you want... even though i told him all i want is to be here for you now. This went backwards and forwards and it felt to me like he was conflicted? I am willing to stay learn how do be with someone going through this. I've done a lot of reading but its good to hear from other people supporting someone they care about going through depression. Is this pushing away behaviour normal? is it a reflection of his depression or is he really trying to tell me he needs space? ... what have you done in this situation? Thanks

8yr old with anxiety

replies: 8

My daughter is having some anxiety ATM, she is being bullied by a few of her classmates. I also found 'I hate myself' carved/written on her bed frame. Has any other mums experienced this? I'm a bit lost what to do.

Deflated and lost- Supporting my partner with Borderline personality, depression, anxiety

replies: 2

Hi everyone, I have been struggling for the past several months to a year as being a carer/support/codependent(?) To my partner who suffers from fairly severe depression and anxiety. This year my partner was diagnosed w PTSD and Borderline Personality disorder. The symptoms almost perfectly match. Since we've begun dating ive gone through numerous cycles of open hearted compassion wanting to throw my all into sticking by ny partner and then disappointment/disillusionment when right after i think theyve made progress, they relapse/progress comes to a screeching halt. Through these cycles, ive done a lot of research online and learnt a great deal about my partners condition. Although i know that their behaviours are due to their mental illness, not a choice, it is a difficult pill to swallow. Most recently, drug addiction has been a sore point in our relationship. I am financially providing for us, and being helpless caught between not relieving my partner of the struggles in their head through pot and being the enabler that continues to pay for it is very difficult (i always give in). Furthermore, my partner's promiscuity (a symptom of BPD) is throwing my mind around like a washing machine. they have had many many sexual partners prior to our relationship and recently told me of desires to sleep with some friends that they know. Thankfully our relationship has thus far been completely loyal, but we have had open discussions where my partner admits to having these tendencies. I am by nature a skeptical person, so this has been eating me up inside. My partner has promised not to sleep w a close friend, but i know they text often and catch up face to face regularly. As much as i absolutely love this person and want to fight for our relationship, i have been finding myself feeling very very down about our current state of affairs. I can't socialise w friends nearly as much as i used to or go out with my partner (we spend most weekends indoors due to depression, anxiety, breakdowns). I know this might sound super selfish but i feel 95% of my time outside of my job is dedicated to "being there" for my partner, unable to do anything. I appreciate the complexities of healing from mental illnesses and the pace of progress is often 1step forward, 2 steps back. I just wanted to get some other people's perspective on establishing limits/how to keep yourself sane. Im extremely deflated, lost and feel alone in my role as the carer.

How do I help?

replies: 5

My sibling has been battling with depression for as long as I can remember. They have made attempts on their life before but none quite as bad as the most recent. This has had them put into a mental health ward which I am sure is scary but hopefully is doing a world of good. I am so scared that when they get out they will attempt again and succeed. After this attempt they told me that it was their time to go because they were tired of battling. They not seem more positive however I don't know if this is just a face to get out of the ward. I haven't been able to sleep, I cant turn my mind off and my whole body aches with the thought that they may not be here in the future. How do I help? How do I show them how much they mean to the world? How do I not lay awake at night praying for the phone not to ring with dreadful news?

Secondhand Sufferer

replies: 5

2,500 words is simply not enough to illustrate the year I’ve had this year. Now 2,425 - but I’ll try my best. July 22, 2017 my “ordinary” day to day life had been stirred. My partner and my brother were assaulted. My brother sustained serious injuries, meanwhile my partner was left unconscious with a brain haemorrhage. I thank luck every day they’re still alive today. August 9, 2017, my life this time had been turned completely upside down. My partner lost his dad suddenly without warning. The night before, we lost our first pet together. Also without warning. That was the day I lost my partner too, to depression, anxiety and PTSD. It was also the day I lost myself too. Before the 22nd of July, I was (and unfortunately still am) a sufferer of depression and anxiety. After the 22nd July, as mentioned previously, I became a secondhand sufferer and I don’t know if I can do it anymore. My partner had been for a long time my only life support and now I am alone - he isn’t “himself” anymore. He’s not the person I fell in love with. And I get it. Mental illnesses can unshape you and change you. I’ve suffered with trauma myself and it changed me too. I didn’t want to be alone anymore so I contacted my therapist and am now waiting to see them in January, but right now, I’m in a lot of pain. I am taking on not only my world of daily struggles, but his too. What hurts the most is, he fails to understand how this has affected me too and whenever I try to sit and down and maturely explain how this has affected me, he says I don’t understand what he’s been through. But I do. I really do. I’m an empty vending machine. I’ve given all I had until I had nothing left to give and there is no one to restock me because the only person who knew how to, is not the person I once knew. The miracle question people often ask is: if you could wave a magic wand and wish upon a magic star, what would you wish for? I would wish for my life back. To make this suffering go away for the both of us. For all of us. How do I feel right now? Numb. Barely alive. 398 words to go and I have reread my thread over and over again. There is so much I want to add, but the truth is, even if I had 1,000 more words, I don’t have any left in me. I hope this is clear enough for everyone to read and I apologise if it’s not. But nonetheless, thank you for taking time out of your day to stop by and allow me to vent. Helpful advice is always welcome.

At what point is it ok to feel how I do? Trigger Warning:Family Violence and Sexual Assault

replies: 10

Long story, and I shall try to simplify. Current 20 year old daughter with substance abuse issues. Drug use began 4 years ago. Building psychosis for those last 4 years, with the crescendo of psychosis for the past year. In that time, she has abused me, put holes in walls, crashed her car, got into huge debt, got me into debt, threatened me physically, wanted to kill people ect ect. I had to take her to the hospital where she was admitted to the psychiatric ward with the diagnosis of drug induced psychosis. Not easy things for parents to go through. The biggest reason that I allowed her treatment of me to go as far as it did, was guilt. I carried an enormous amount of guilt of what the then 9 year old heard in court due her brother's sexual assault court case. At the time, the police investigation and court case takes a toll of everybody and she had a lot of viral tonsillitis at the time. So after several stays in the psych ward, she began to feel good in herself and then used drugs again with an instant psychotic result. This moment cut the cord of guilt that I had and has been replaced by resentment, anger, hostility and antagonism towards her. I told her that I didn't want to see her for a long time until I could work through my issues. She however, got a big fright about that and encouraged her headspace caseworker to initiate family counselling. I know her worker is all about my daughter, as she should be, but she keeps telling me how unwell my daughter is and they are still getting her medication right and that I should be more patient with her. But at what point is it ok for me to say "hang on, what she did to me was bad and I am struggling with it". Beginning to feel as though I should just lay down and be a doormat to anybody who wants to wipe their muddy feet on me and that I am expected to just suck up the 4 years of hell and move on as though no psychological damage has been done. Just over it and right now don't know which way to go in my own thinking. Part of me knows that what she has put me through has been horrific, but the other part thinks that I should find a way to forgive her for her poor behaviour as my feelings in this situation just don't matter.

Anxiety management for highly sensitive person

replies: 3

I believe a friend has qualities of highly sensitive person. Please google to know what is highly sensitive person. Often she is in situation that leads to anxiety but I don't believe she has anxiety disorder. Her anxiety is rare to be classified as disorder but when she is anxious it has profound physical symptoms. For example tummy upset, extreme fatigue and rarely headache. The symptoms stops her from working and that can further escalate anxiety. My question is is there a medication that is fast acting she can take on need basis to reduce anxiety and/or reduce the physical symptoms. If you know someone in similar situation and can share which medication has helped. I will ask her to consult doctor for it. Thanks, Tomsan

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Drowning beside Denial replies: 1

DSP claiming process replies: 3

Bipolar partner replies: 7

Is depression the reason he is pushing me away replies: 6

8yr old with anxiety replies: 8

Deflated and lost- Supporting my partner with Borderline personality, depression, anxiety replies: 2

How do I help? replies: 5

Secondhand Sufferer replies: 5

At what point is it ok to feel how I do? *Trigger Warning:Family Violence and Sexual Assault* replies: 10

Anxiety management for highly sensitive person replies: 3