Help with a compulsive liar co-worker?

[phoenix343]

Hey guys,

I'm a casual at a retail store, and we're all pretty tight-knit as a team, but one of the guys who works with us tells lots of stories and we've recently figured out at least some of what he says are lies.

They're about different things, having a girlfriend, buying a nice old car from overseas, possibly getting drafted for an overseas sports team, that kind of thing. We know its most likely because if he didn't lie about these things he wouldn't have stuff to say when we ask what he did on the weekend, or he feels like he needs to impress us to fit it, or we've got things going in our lives that happen just cause we're all a little bit older than him and have worked for them and he may feel left out etc, or it could be a symptom of low self esteem or a bigger mental health issue.

What I'm asking is, does anyone here have experience with having a casual relationship with a compulsive liar? I and a few of the girls I work with are looking for tips of how to talk to him without shooting him down or confronting his lies, without reinforcing that lying gets him attention/approval/acceptance from us all.

For now, we're going to work hard on finding common ground and good conversation topics, but when he starts lying to be like 'oh I have to go do something' as some kind of negative reinforcement that the lies aren't getting the attention he's hoping to get out of them, if that's part of the cause. Also going to give him morale boasters over good things we see him do at work.

He's cool to talk to, and we really just wanna be able to have real conversations with him about real stuff.

Thanks, any stories or experience welcome!

[quirkywords]

Welcome Phoenix to the forum and thanks for this interesting thread.

You and your coworkers sound like very caring and understanding people.

When I first read the title I though the lies maybe affecting you work but it sounds like your coworker wants to fit in.

I think you may be right that he just wants to have something to talk about and to fit in. It does not sound like the lies are hurting anyone . I wonder if there is a way you can make him fit in without his need to lie.

When I was in my teens and I felt I had low self esteem I would make up stories about boyfriends and being good at horse riding, when I had never had either.

It seems silly now and I am sure people knew they were lies but I was very insecure and envious of other people’s achievements.

For me it was not attention I craved it was feeling I belonged . I was not popular or hardly ever invited to parties.

I like the way you want to boost his self esteem and find something he does well at work and maybe an interest, a real one, he has outside work.

I wonder does he tell the truth some of the time. I suppose it is hard to know what to believe in what he says.

I knew a friend who made up stories and as an adult and made a living as a writer of fiction

Quirky