Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Should I keep trying or am I being manipulated?

replies: 4

how can I tell if my ex is just a narcissist or if he is truely struggling? He is a drug addict and compulsively lies, he has hated me for months because he’s convinced I made him homeless, abandoned him and took away his daughter (even though I sent him to live with his mum due to meth use lies and verbal abuse, I have supported him even though he’s abusive verbally/emotionally and he is allowed to visit his daughter/call any time but refuses too) He will hate me and abuse me via text one day then stop all contact with me for weeks then will finally reply and say things like “you have no idea the thoughts in my head” “daughter is better off without me” He also over exaggerates his drug use to make me worry/feel guilty how do I know if he’s struggling with addiction depression and anxiety or if he’s just stringing me along? I can’t tell if he is lying about the extent of his depression and extent of his drug use or actually depressed and using heavy drugs due to unhealthy addiction? He told me he had a seizure from drugs and I forced him to come stay with me and he cried for 2 days while I lectured him on why does he do this/doesn’t he wonder why I still stick by him after his abusing and he just sobbed, he then went back home (2 hrs away) and has cut all contact with me not replying to anything for 4 weeks? Only once he replied “I don’t know, I just don’t want to talk to anyone, all I do is drink myself to sleep” but I know he has been going around friends houses so he is not secluding himself from everyone just me and his baby? Is he giving me the run around? Am I just his backup plan for when he decides he needs a confidence boost? Do I cut him off and move on or keep messaging and telling him I love him even though I get no reply? Is he laughing at how pathetic I am by still trying from the other side of the phone while he’s actually enjoying himself or is he in a state of crisis and pushing me away? Help!!!

Things can get better

replies: 6

I wanted to write to give some hope to those out there with loved ones who are suffering depression. I was reading everyone’s posts about six months ago. This forum was a great support. My partner and I have been together two years and six months (2 months one time then 4 months another time) of those two years he has suffered really bad depression. I knew he was sick so I stuck by him and supported him the best I could. It was hard, really really hard to stick by him. He withdrew and wouldn’t talk to me for weeks, it was awful. Slowly he started coming out of it, his fog cleared. He says he now feels like he did 10 years ago. Happy and at peace. We meditate together, exercise together and try to eat healthy. I’ve seen him change into someone who is excited about life again, it’s wonderful. I hope others out there can see their partners get through it too.

Patience is wearing out

replies: 1

Hi, i'm new here. Background: my partner has lived with anxiety for 10years which has increased significantly in the last 3years following a bicycle accident. Since the accident he also has PTSD and a bit of depression. In the last year he has struggled. He doesn't feel like he has a medication that is working. He had a psychiatrist but that was short term care and has ended. He has been self medicating and drinking (some weeks worse than others). He had 3 weeks in a clinic but since then has felt pressure from work and seems to be back to drinking too much. This week he got caught drink driving. I'm getting frustrated with him, he tries to treat himself rather than ask for professional help. He doesn't realise how his behaviour is affecting not just me and his children but people in his work place. I want to help, I try to help but it seems to have little affect.

Everything thing I say is wrong to my daughter 26 who suffers depression. I want to help her but don't know how.

replies: 4

My daughter 26 has been diagnosed with depression and ptsd about 5 years ago. When she gets really depressed and I attempt to help her it usually ends up with her telling me I don.t understand and that I am no help to her at all. I keep trying but don't know what the right thing to say is. Any suggestions are met with contempt and anger. I really want to help and after 5 years I'm still not getting it right.

Too much on my plate.

replies: 3

Hello, I'm a highschool student from Australia and my boyfriend whom i love very much has depression, autism, D.A.M.P, ADHD, & anxiety. He's usually pretty low-key but with the term ending its been unbearable and I just want to help him when he's upset it makes me upset naturally. So he's fine sometimes but then he has these major breakdowns later in the day where he feels like everybody hates him and he might just kill himself and he cant talk to his mum about it because she doesn't know how to respond properly, he really needs help but we don't know what to do he's just all of a sudden stuck in a really long depression where its affecting everything. I love him but its literally ruining both of our lives right now and I'm worried his depression is going to push him over the edge. And i know that its not my problem and i shouldn't take his issues on so much but I'm one of those people that cant help it, I just want to help people the best i can but i feel like it's beyond my control now. I tried to structure this okay I'm sorry if i ramble and i don't know what I'm expecting back from this i just wanted to put this out there.

Help with a compulsive liar co-worker?

replies: 1

Hey guys, I'm a casual at a retail store, and we're all pretty tight-knit as a team, but one of the guys who works with us tells lots of stories and we've recently figured out at least some of what he says are lies. They're about different things, having a girlfriend, buying a nice old car from overseas, possibly getting drafted for an overseas sports team, that kind of thing. We know its most likely because if he didn't lie about these things he wouldn't have stuff to say when we ask what he did on the weekend, or he feels like he needs to impress us to fit it, or we've got things going in our lives that happen just cause we're all a little bit older than him and have worked for them and he may feel left out etc, or it could be a symptom of low self esteem or a bigger mental health issue. What I'm asking is, does anyone here have experience with having a casual relationship with a compulsive liar? I and a few of the girls I work with are looking for tips of how to talk to him without shooting him down or confronting his lies, without reinforcing that lying gets him attention/approval/acceptance from us all. For now, we're going to work hard on finding common ground and good conversation topics, but when he starts lying to be like 'oh I have to go do something' as some kind of negative reinforcement that the lies aren't getting the attention he's hoping to get out of them, if that's part of the cause. Also going to give him morale boasters over good things we see him do at work. He's cool to talk to, and we really just wanna be able to have real conversations with him about real stuff. Thanks, any stories or experience welcome!

I’m a new member

replies: 3

Hi I’m a mother grandmother and carer, mental health in my family has always been shaky my hubby suffers from bi polar plus various other health problems my big son has bi polar, and has been suicidal my youngest son anxiety and depression, has been ... View more

Ozgenie51

replies: 2

Hi All, am new to BB and am desperately wanting to help my 43yo son who is suffering deep depression. He is a single dad of a 13yo boy, works in a highly skilled field and has had little luck in the romance department (mostly because he panics at the first sign of difficulty). He refuses counselling and is extremely anti medication and I am very worried about him. I too suffer from chronic depression and have been on meds for years so I know how helpful they can be - how do I convince him there is a way to feel better?

To stay, or not to stay: That is the question.

replies: 10

Let me start by saying I know I have to leave; It is not advice I am looking for, it is understanding why I have not left. I find wonder and beauty in nature, art and people, but, along with the highs are the lows, I can't help thinking about my relationship. I have a partner who suffers from depression and self loathing. I was drawn to her like yin to yang. But, when one person is a vacuum that draws all warmth, the other is left cold; eventually the fire has to burn out. Everything I did to help my partner, only held her demons at bay. I realise that I cannot 'fix' what is broken in my 'partner', no matter how much love and affection is applied. Everyone must make change in themselves. I read the posts by 'rhinoceros' and was prompted to write this. My 'partner' has intimacy problems, no hugs, no touching and no sex, it wasn't like that for 18 years, then like a light being turned off, it was ended. This makes me feel unwanted and unattractive. My feelings are my own, but we all know they are a bitter pill to swallow. You put on weight, you stop looking after your appearance, you become worthless and loveless. I understand this is a form of control, you can never leave a relationship if no one else will have you. I have packed my bags a dozen times, but it is not so easy after 25 years to walk away. It is even harder to leave when your partner threatens: to kill themselves, to take everything from you, to make it as painful as possible, or to make your children hate you. I am told that I am incredibly selfish, my 'partner' admits to having problems, they make her call me names, and say "your'e stupid", "you are nothing", "everything you do is sh*t". In the back my mind a voice asks "what would it be like to have love and be loved again, to have physical contact with someone, to have a moment of passion however short?". All the couples therapists, psychologists, counsellors, have told us my partner should be on anti depressants, and cut back her drinking. But it is not going to happen. She is desperate to recapture her youth. So I have to leave, for myself and for her. So many people on this site have done it; even I have been married and divorced from a partner that slept around on me. It was easy to end because I had the anger of betrayal. But, with this, I just feel sorrow for my partner, she is so terrified of being alone and I have no anger, no hate to fuel my departure. She insists I must stay, saying "life is not so bad for me".

I don’t know how to manage my parters substance abuse

replies: 4

So my partner and I have been together two and a half years. We’re from different countries and have overcome a lot to be together. My partner suffers from depression, anxiety and PTSD from trauma he suffered a few years ago. He has always smoked weed and has played with recreational drugs but nothing too serious. Recently he had started abusing prescription medication to “help him sleep” and ended up in hospital. I thought all that had stopped and this week we went on our trip to Bali. We’ve been here 4 days and in that four days he has been buying and taking in secret pills and lying to me repeatedly about it. When I have found out throughout the 4 days we have had fights about it that end in him promising no more drugs and no more lying. He has done it again and I’m at a loss of what to do. He is now asking for my help like he did before but nsw asking me to monitor him and be in control of his drug intake I.e. giving him a small dose before bed. What do I do? I can’t talk to our friends or family as we will be left homeless and he will be cut off from everyone. Please I need input and advice!

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Should I keep trying or am I being manipulated? replies: 4

Things can get better replies: 6

Patience is wearing out replies: 1

Everything thing I say is wrong to my daughter 26 who suffers depression. I want to help her but don't know how. replies: 4

Too much on my plate. replies: 3

Help with a compulsive liar co-worker? replies: 1

I’m a new member replies: 3

Ozgenie51 replies: 2

To stay, or not to stay: That is the question. replies: 10

I don’t know how to manage my parters substance abuse replies: 4