Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

•

15-07-2016

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Antionette - caring for our 15 year old daughter

replies: 4

Hi, I, along with my very supporting husband are caring for our 15 year old daughter who has Depression, Suicidal attempts and PTSD. Mostly what I needs to hear how others have coped, things that I can do to stay sane and support her. We are all having counselling and she is on her second type of medication.We have taken everything possible out of harms way to keep her safe, but now I think she is trying another means of self harm. This is driving me insane as I can do nothing about it and I feel if I hassle her it will make it worse. Although the counselling is helping and we are still only a couple of weeks into her new medication i often need someone to chat to at times when I don't have anyone around. Are there other parents who are in a loving stable environment that have been through this and can help? Many thanks Antionette

How to cope with daughter’s self harm

replies: 5

Hi all, I’m a newbie and have never posted on a forum before but have been dealing with my daughter’s anxiety, depression and self harm for 3 years and it’s wearing me down. She is on medication, regularly sees a psychiatrist and is seeing a psychologist too (third one we have tried) . There have been some improvements but she is still self harming (cutting) and that is what is so hard for me to deal with, especially when I see what she has done to herself or she shows me. It’s so hard for me to control my emotions and devastation when I hear she has self harmed. The dr’s have told me I need to expect it’s going to happen and to keep calm and not overreact as that will make her feel guilty but it’s so incredibly hard for me to keep my cool. I desperately want her to be better and would appreciate any advice .

How do I respond when my partner is pushing me away because of depression and anxiety

replies: 10

Hey guys, first time post. I have been dating a girl for 6 months. When we're together she's sweet and happy and laughs the day away with me. She has suffered with depression and anxiety for years and tends to be a pretty solitary person generally. Recently I got upset because she has been distancing herself and is very hard to get through to. It led to her breaking up with me. Telling me it isn't me, it's her and it's not fair on me. . I know she is going through a hard time at the moment and she is pushing everyone away. I love her with all my heart and there is no chance I'm giving up on her. I want to be there for her, I want to help her get through this in any way possible. Even if I'm not in the picture at the end. I'm not really sure how to go about this, I don't want to make this any harder for her than it already is. Can anyone please tell me what I should and shouldn't do for her. I'm just not experienced in how to be with and be around people with depression. I love her to pieces even though she doesn't love herself. People who know her have seen her shut off and withdraw like this in the past. Any help, advice and even opinions would be most welcome. I'm not sure what I should do, but I miss her terribly and want to be there for her

my hubby who is 75 is having ect for major depression

replies: 5

my hubby who is 75 is having ect for major depression, meds have not worked. he has had 4 at the moment and will have 12, his negative guilty thoughts have increased dramaticly, things that happened 30 years ago swim around in his head. every day theres a new one to worry about . he can't stop these thoughts. has anyone else experienced this after ect. he wants to stop the ect because he thinks it is making him worse any advice would be welcome

Anxiety 12 year old girl and maybe defiance caused by anxiety

replies: 1

Hi guys, my daughter 12 has anxiety. For the last 2 weeks it’s been extreme. She is refusing to go to school. We took the advice of psychologist who said force her to go but besides yelling and screaming and refusing to go, she is also being very defiant about it. This morning for example, it was a calm morning. I got her dressed but had to physically restrain her. Yelling and screaming at this tone. Then she was yelling and screaming histerically up and down the stairs. Went to the toilet and locked the door. Then changed when she was in there. So I got her dressed again. This continue for half an hour. I dragged her out to the car and she ran around the front yard crying and yelling. At this point hubby broke down. It was too much for him. Has anyone got any suggestions? ive tried kindness and I’ve trued yelling, nothing works.

Life is a lot and I feel like I'm powerless

replies: 3

Hi All. Please forgive the emotional tone of this post, I'm just at a lost and don't have a lot of support around me. I am a full time working mother of a 3yo whose husband suffers anxiety, depression and is an alcoholic who is in the beginning stages of his second recovery journey this year. We are a single income family, I have no choice other than to go to work so that I can pay the bill and keep a roof over our heads. On top of that, I'm also picking up the pieces at home in terms of the housework, meals and so on because my husband isn't in the place to do it. My day starts at 5am, at work at 8am, home by 5pm and by the time I get everything done at home, bed by 10:30pm. My husband often goes to bed when I get home, so I don't really have anyone to talk to at night, I eat alone, I find myself lonely at times. I don't have much of a support network, my parents are in their late 70's, his mother is too upset by her sons health to help or provide support, most of our mutual friends have dropped off as they have had enough of my husbands erratic behavior when he calls. I don't have time to see my own friends because I am busy doing everything around the house and for my child. I'm frustrated and feel like my entire life revolves around my husbands state of health. There just doesn't seem to be any room for me, my thoughts or needs. It just seems like I'm running from one crisis point to another with no time to recover from the last. I don't know what to do anymore. Any advice would be appreciated.

Help - My new partner is Bipolar and is going through a depressive episode

replies: 1

Help please! I'm in a new relationship (2 months) and my boyfriend who was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 earlier this year is going through a depressive episode. Its been 2 weeks since I've last seen him and he's progressively gotten worse - from initially texting me daily to tell me he's ok to now as of the end of the week him getting upset with me because i'm constantly checking in and he needs space so now he's not in contact with me at all. He has had previous suicide attempts and I know ending his life is constantly on his mind. He is medicated. He is seeing both a psychiatrist and a psychologist and his GP. You might wonder why i'm sticking around - while we've only been together for 2 months we have a long long history and have known each other for many many years. Walking away is simply not an option. Trouble is, I have no idea how to help him. I have no idea how to support him and being blocked out of his life i'm now constantly stressed and worried about his welfare. I don't know whether despite his request for space if I should be still telling him i'm here and care or whether I literally also just go silent and leave him be. Whats the right thing to do here? I want him to know i'm here for him, and love and care for him but I don't want to make things worse for him. How long can this last for? How long do I wait around for? Im so lost and very few people understand the situation, most people just tell me to walk away but I just cant do that to him. Any suggestions welcome!

Where do we start?

replies: 3

Hi, I never thought I'd be doing this, but I'm lost as to what to do. I'm terrified for my son, he is 13th and he has not been a happy boy for a few months. Over the last few weeks he has been crying inconsolably. He used to love school when he was in Primary, but he started High School this year and he hates it now. He used to have a lot of friends, but he doesn't want to be with anyone anymore. He didn't want to have anyone over or do anything for his birthday, and there's been a few incidents in school, nothing terrible, but very unlike him. I've been trying to tell myself that all this is normal "teen" stuff, but last night when he was in the shower, he was sobbing out of control.... I know he needs help, I just don't know where to start.

Boyfriend severely depressed for 2 years after loss of his best friend. How can I help?

replies: 1

Hi, I came across the beyond blue thread and I really appreciate people responding to the forums. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. He lost his best friend 2 months before we got together so I know he was in a dark place. Every time I'm with him, there's literally nothing wrong - he appears to be happy but I know he is depressed. He doesn't open up to me because he's scared that he'll hurt me and everyone around us - but recently, he opened up and told me how he wants to visit his best friend (who passed away) because he was the only person who really understood him. He's been to therapy, counselling and a psychologist but he says they don't help. He almost had a suicide attempt a couple weeks ago when no one was around and told me only a few days ago (near 6th attempt). He talks about killing himself just to see his best friend because he misses him so much. I don't know how to assist him in closure. We haven't been intimate for 2 months and it's because his depression has really hit hard. I've tried researching depression and getting into the details of it, best approach to help him, etc. But he doesn't feel comfortable talking to people about his thoughts because he fears he'll bother them. He remains affectionate and still loves me (I believe). How do I address this issue, given that he refuses to seek help?

Decision about future anxiety

replies: 1

My daughter has suffered from severe anxiety for years, sees a psychologist and in some ways is getting better but is currently struggling with anxiety about what she should do after she finishes year 12 (in four weeks time). She wants to go to the US to do competitive cheerleading(she has been doing this successfully in Australia for the last 10 years and to hopefully go to Uni there(but not sure what she wants to study). Although she was born in Australia, she is a US citizen and wants to explore possibilities over there so it is a "doable" option. However, she is terrified about any decision she makes. She does online/distance education because mainstream school was too daunting for her with her anxiety. At this stage, she has refused to go on any medication, even though it has been recommended for her. She is beginning to see that this might help her as she becomes so "stuck" to do anything when she "spirals" down that path. We have talked with her about the fact that she doesn't have to make a decision right away but this doesn't seem to help her any. While we are trying to get her calmed down and in to see her psychologist as well as GP(to discuss medication), I just thought I would see if anyone would have any suggestions as to what might help her. Thanks for any advice...A very concerned mom.

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Antionette - caring for our 15 year old daughter replies: 4

How to cope with daughter’s self harm replies: 5

How do I respond when my partner is pushing me away because of depression and anxiety replies: 10

my hubby who is 75 is having ect for major depression replies: 5

Anxiety 12 year old girl and maybe defiance caused by anxiety replies: 1

Life is a lot and I feel like I'm powerless replies: 3

Help - My new partner is Bipolar and is going through a depressive episode replies: 1

Where do we start? replies: 3

Boyfriend severely depressed for 2 years after loss of his best friend. How can I help? replies: 1

Decision about future anxiety replies: 1