Mum and Dad desperately need help with 29 year old son suffering deep depression and severe anxiety

[MummaB]

Hi

Where do I start?

My husband and I are at our wits end on how to help/ cope with our 29 year old son who is severely depressed and anxious. He also shows signs of OCD.

He does not sleep and often says he’s not slept at all. As you can imagine being so sleep deprived often results in him having a very short fuse!! He also sweats quite profusely.

He has not worked for the past 7 months or so. He left school in mid Yr 10 because was being bullied and did do a welding course and the tried Plumbing but didn’t see it through. He has worked sporadically as a labourer ( my husband is a bricklayer) and so has found him work. And he has also worked in a few jobs found by signing on with agencies but never last more than a few months.

However he has not been happy for past 10 years and at this present moment is at an all time low.

He simply refuses to seek any kind of professional help. He is very bright and poo poos any requests or suggestions of seeing a GP, counseling etc He’s read many books on self help positive cognitive therapy etc.

About 18 months ago he decided he was going to go to TAFE and do a course that was equivalent to doing Yr 12 and would enable him to go to uni or equivalent,

He did often struggle to get up and go some days and found the studying very difficult , almost giving up but did complete and we were immensely proud. He did talk to counselors at TAFE and his teachers knew of his struggles.

We have also threatened tough love and to kick him out if he does not do anything, however we’ve not had the guts to follow through in case he does what he threatens and kills himself?

This was 7 months ago and he has talked about getting a job and has been offers a mechanic apprenticeship but not sure now.

Anything he starts he commits to 120% and is excessive in his approach.

He constantly says he doesn’t want to be here and that death is the only solution but he won’t do that because of the affect it would have in us.

This very morning I’ve endured one of his rants about “What’s the point? That he’s never happy

I asked him if he knew what I was supposed to do as a parent hearing him say he’d like to end his life? That I should call 000 and he was Angry and disdainful.

Both my husband and I have visited GP’s and councillors

I have access to free counseling and have talked to psychologists many times

Apologies that this is so disjointed.

How do you help an adult who refuses help??

We have no idea how to get out of this mess?

Exhausted Mum

[Paw Prints]

Hello MummaB,

It's hard when the person we love is hurting & though we know they need help we can't make that happen. It is very clear from what you say how he is very loved & you want to be there for him. Remind him of this often & don't forget to say it to each other as well. It's easy to forget to say it out loud & sometimes we all need to hear this especially when things are tough.

As someone with mh issues can I just say that, as the loved ones of someone who is unwell, first & foremost it matters that you & your hubby take care of yourselves. Your physical & mental health is as important as your sons.

I'm guessing you canvassed options with your visits to the various professionals, they may have suggested this, but in case not. This worked sometimes with getting my brother to see someone, though not the 1st time I tried it. When he was being "ok" I would sit him down & say I wanted to suggest something & I wanted him to think about it, not to give an answer then & there. I would remind him that I loved him & was concerned for him. I would then suggest it would make me feel better if he would consider seeing someone with me, it need only be for a few sessions just to ease my mind. I stressed it as being done as a favour for me so I need not be so worried. It was a way to start him off & get him feeling comfortable with going, after the 1st session I usually sat in the waiting room only joining in when or if called.

Paw Prints