contact or not to contact depressed boyfriend

[Gianetta]

Newbie here feeling very confused and alone.

Basically shall i text my boyfriend to just say hiya, thinking of you, when he hasnt contacted me for 24 hours?

Dont want to crowd him but i suspect he really does love me and need support, or shall I just let him initaite next contact....it was all fab for last 5 of 6 months but now even tho he said he doesnt want space the loving man i know has vanished, life of the party to all others!

[geoff]

dear Gianetta, hello and thanks for posting your comment in this difficult situation.

There are a couple of issues to take into account here: whether this happened before, have any difficult topics been resolved by the both of you and does he open up himself by showing affection.

If your relationship was very close, then he needs to know that you still love him and care for him, so it would be a good idea to text him and say that you are there for him.

When someone is in any relationship and unfortunately becomes depressed it's quite common that they want some space, but in reality they need you, in other words they say to you that they need to go away to think to themselves, but then say to you that they can't live without you, this is the confusion depression can cause.

You can't wait for him to initiate the contact, because being left alone his mind will only be negative and these thoughts will only get worse, so he needs to know that you still care and love him, even though it may fall on deaf ears.

He does need help so try and get him to see his doctor, but I doubt whether he will do this when he is alone, and even when he's back it could be a battle to get him there.

Let us know you get on. L Geoff. x

[Gianetta]

Thanks Geoff,

He did end up ringing me for a ten minute chat about nothing really, said he had had a nothing day and wanted to know my work news of the shift...he is on today, so I will see if he rings me at some stage..i find the uncertainty very unsettling but i suspect what you say about maintining contact even if it falls on deaf ears could be a good stategy...i figure also if he is just over me at some stage he will just tell me....i am strugglong with the balance of letting him know i am here and being too pushy....i tried to talk to him two nights ago in person and he stated there was nothing I can do to help him. Just learn to live with it then got angry and we went to bed...that seems to be the only place he can cuddle and kiss me, which gives me hope we might make it..

Thanks for the advice!

[geoff]

dear Gianetta, that sounds good news, maybe not so much for you, because all you want from him is a cuddle and kiss from him, just as he does, so that's the strong link here.

I am just wondering whether he is suffering from PND, which can happen to dad's when a new baby is born, no different to what a mum can go through, and my ex wife suffered from it, and so did I but I hide it so no one knew, especially my ex.

I know that you are hoping he will ring you every second, but there's an old saying, 'you can't watch a kettle boil', if you get my idea, but please keep in touch with us. L Geoff. x

[Gripo]

I am feeling very helpless as my bf who was very loving has suddenly requested for space. Initially i thought it was because he was over me but he asked me not to worry and that he has some issues he needs to deal with alone and to give him sometime to himself. He has been very irritable and would even say mean things to me and then apologies. He is acting out of character. I know he asked for space but i have still been contacting him once in 2 days or so to tell him i love him and miss him. I do not get a response. Not sure what i should do? Do i keep going?or back off and let him contact me? Please help.