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Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

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Tilly2019 Advice needed on addicted partner staying with him or leaving
  • replies: 2

Hi all I need some guidance and advice on what and how to approach my situation, my partner of 7 years has got a crippling alcohol addiction, his mother and father is also alcoholics, he sufferes from depression and anxiety, ive been struggling with ... View more

Hi all I need some guidance and advice on what and how to approach my situation, my partner of 7 years has got a crippling alcohol addiction, his mother and father is also alcoholics, he sufferes from depression and anxiety, ive been struggling with my own mental health, our relationship has been a very toxic rollercoaster which hit a low point for me when the only way i could leave him was suicide... the past two years with him since then have been a massive eye opener and he did try to get help but failed and has given up completely on our relationship and himself. I i put alot of my time and love into him and now the relationship has escalated even more And is slowly making me mentally unstable again. How after so long do i pick myself from this relationship and move forward ive done nothing but support him and encourage getting help but he is in complete denial now and im at a cross roads with giving up completely and leaving him to get his act together and focus on myself and mental health or staying with him and helping him aswell. Thankyou

Worriedgirlfriend77 Health anxiety and a worried partner!
  • replies: 2

My boyfriend suffers terribly from health anxiety. He is 49 years old and has been like this, he says, since he was a teenager. He is constantly taking his heart rate, which is his main focus. He can tell me at any time what his heart rate us and he ... View more

My boyfriend suffers terribly from health anxiety. He is 49 years old and has been like this, he says, since he was a teenager. He is constantly taking his heart rate, which is his main focus. He can tell me at any time what his heart rate us and he is usually spot on. Recently he has said it feels like his heart is skipping a beat and he has had major panic attacks. We have been to the doctor and he has told him they are palpitations and harmless and anxiety doesn't help. He has had an ECG which came back perfectly normal. The Dr told him his heart is fine. However he keeps feeling dread and is convinced something bad is going to happen. He is a FIFO worker and he is having an anxiety attack and I don't know how to help him. He doesn't want to take medication as he is not able to for the kind of work he does. He is convinced something bad is going to happen which will lead to him losing his job and becoming a burden. This is affecting his life, his happiness and our relationship.

lilley When it's all too much .
  • replies: 1

Some days you are strong you can push through the day ignoring the continued depression that surrounds you . You put on a smile and do and say all the right things .You make them smile and all seems possible but the darkness comes . You see the chang... View more

Some days you are strong you can push through the day ignoring the continued depression that surrounds you . You put on a smile and do and say all the right things .You make them smile and all seems possible but the darkness comes . You see the change the words they are tired, moody feeling lost angry . Nothing you do or say really matters they only see the darkness but you are lost because you see light you see hope you see the future but they do not. You really can't talk to friends .Everyone has an opinion. I live with my husband who has depression and a daughter who has depression and the moments of happiness together are so precious but rare. Through all the darkness I see light but they do not but my light is dimming. Years have passed and with so many ups and downs and you think how amazing it is to survived so much and then life is really good only to say sorry but we are back to square one again and your life is in turmoil. How do you support the ones you love when they can't support themselves .

Massie Supporting my daughter , who has been diagnosed with Bipolar
  • replies: 14

Hi everyone, 11 days ago , I had to call an ambulance for my daughter , who has been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, she had stopped taking her medication , which she told me that morning, I watched her moods deteriating, over the last few wees and ... View more

Hi everyone, 11 days ago , I had to call an ambulance for my daughter , who has been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, she had stopped taking her medication , which she told me that morning, I watched her moods deteriating, over the last few wees and could see she was experiencing mania, I removed her carkeys from her as I did not want her to drive anywhere and now she is very angry with me , she does not have any insight into her illness and itvis very difficult, I live in fear , she was admitted to Hospital and does not want to see me although will call and text, I have been to visit her , however she takes the things she asks for and tells me to leave, this is the second time , she has been in Hospital in the last two months , , the first time she was at a bar and the manager was concerned about her wellbeing and called an ambulance, she stayed in forv10 dsys and was put on medication and said she would do all the things her treating team recommended, however as soon as the community nteam stop seeing her she stops the medication, as her family we dearly love her and will do anything to support her , she is 34 years and lost her husband to a brain tumorv4years ago , and now lives with me , her diagnosis was about 13 years ago , she is a very intelligent and beautiful person , I wantvher to be well and living her life , just not , calling the ambulance broke my heart

Horsegirl28 Advice for helping my boyfriend who has recently been disagnosed with severe depression
  • replies: 1

Hi, I won't say my name due to wanting to remain anonymous, but my partner and myself have been together for about 4 years, we live together with out kitty cat. My partner opened up to me about feeling depressed and that he feels that everyone in thi... View more

Hi, I won't say my name due to wanting to remain anonymous, but my partner and myself have been together for about 4 years, we live together with out kitty cat. My partner opened up to me about feeling depressed and that he feels that everyone in this world would feel better without him here and that he is a burden on everyone. I noticed he wasn't as up beat and bubbly as before, but I did not realise he had fallen into such a a dark place. he mentioned that he had a plan to end his life and said he stopped just before it was too late. Am I a bad person for feeling angry about this? That he would just ever so suddenly leave me behind, it's hard to think that he would think I'd be better off without him. I sympathize with him and have helped him find support with his DR and seeing a therapist, but every now and then he has really bad days, he gets horrible head aches and severe back pain. I find it hard to sympathize when it comes across as slackness not even trying to make thing sbetter for himself, and as soon as he does he just sooks about it again. I feel awful for saying that, but its so so hard. I love the heck outta this guy and would be lost without him but everything I do doesn't work. I just want him to be better, I feel like I have no support and its sending me into a dark place too.

Froffies94 Father of Two Sons in trouble
  • replies: 4

G'day Everyone, im looking for some help and hopefully somewhere to start. Ill try and be quick, My 60+ year old father has been dealing with depression for along time but over the past year has had a few things come up which have sent him into a dar... View more

G'day Everyone, im looking for some help and hopefully somewhere to start. Ill try and be quick, My 60+ year old father has been dealing with depression for along time but over the past year has had a few things come up which have sent him into a dark dark place. He had a stroke back in November, gave up the cigs and hasn't looked back. (So happy for him on this) But since March or so he has been very dull and starting to separate himself from his friends and family. We spoke every morning on the way to work since 2012-2013 and lately its a quick 60 second call and he cant get off the phone to me quick enough. He is on anti depression drugs and other medication prescribed by his dct. for his blood and whatnot but is taking them with a few glasses of wine every night to make sure they kick in quicker. He has seen a psychologist twice and has now stopped because he said he gets nothing out of it and its a waste. He used to speak with his best mate on the phone every morning and now has been ignoring his calls for the past month and we are all worried about what to do to help him. Sorry for the long rant but just getting started seems such a tough place at the moment. Cheers, Froffies!

RubyDiamonds Supporting my partner suffering from anxiety triggered by health problems
  • replies: 2

My partner suffers from anxiety triggered by medical issues. He will have symptoms (at the moment these are heartburn, indigestion, digestion problems, stomach pain etc) and will jump through so many possibilities as to what it could be but is hesita... View more

My partner suffers from anxiety triggered by medical issues. He will have symptoms (at the moment these are heartburn, indigestion, digestion problems, stomach pain etc) and will jump through so many possibilities as to what it could be but is hesitant to see a Dr. He will just search for his symptoms online, decide what it could be and start taking medication (prescription and OTC) in the hope that it will work. Then a day or two later, he's not feeling better so he'll try something else. I've tried to explain to him that unless he sees a Dr and gets proper medical advice, he won't know the appropriate treatment and that he could be making it worse but he just says he doesn't have time to see a Dr, to which I've replied "you don't have time to NOT see a Dr". He's barely sleeping, not eating much, suffering from a racing heart, hand clenching etc and has started saying things like "I can't take this anymore" which is obviously seriously concerning. I'm trying so hard to be understanding and supportive but it's frustrating for me because I feel like we could get to the bottom of it sooner if he would see a Dr. I've offered to make the appointment for him, to go with him and he still makes excuses. It is affecting his work and our lives completely. I don't know what else to do.

Wife_seeking_support Helping depressed husband
  • replies: 1

Hi, I am a Mum if 2 boys and a newborn girl. In November last year my husband opened up to me about suicidal thoughts and how he had been feeling ‘flat’ for about 3 months. He has been seeing a psychologist and was out in medication, and seemed to be... View more

Hi, I am a Mum if 2 boys and a newborn girl. In November last year my husband opened up to me about suicidal thoughts and how he had been feeling ‘flat’ for about 3 months. He has been seeing a psychologist and was out in medication, and seemed to be slindnkuxh better. Tonight he told me that he’d been feeling flat again as that he was struggling again. We have an almost 2 week old and I want to help him but not sure how?!?! Any suggestions? thanks.

pelipeti Too many balls to juggle
  • replies: 3

My daughter is currently home from overseas for 6 weeks on emergency leave with severe depression - talk of suicide. Her younger brother has always had a lot of emotional problems and we have all had a very trying time with him. He too has been livin... View more

My daughter is currently home from overseas for 6 weeks on emergency leave with severe depression - talk of suicide. Her younger brother has always had a lot of emotional problems and we have all had a very trying time with him. He too has been living overseas but is about to come home. Dates can’t be changed. He and his sister loathe each other so timing could not be worse. She is very distressed that just when she needed some time to regroup that has been denied her. BIG arguments .. my husband has told her essentially “Take it or move out!”. She is distraught - called him some vile names - tried to apologise and he has ignored her and told her to get out. He is now being surly and vile to both of us. Don’t know what to do - so scared she will leave and not come back. And how does this make my son and his new wife feel- initially they will have to live here till they establish themselves. Aaagh!!

Green_Glade Daughters Despair
  • replies: 3

Hi - I'm new to the whole online thing so please accept my apologies if this is not the correct place and thank you for allowing me to share. I have a daughter who is going through a rough time at the moment. She is 15. She has a good (or what seems ... View more

Hi - I'm new to the whole online thing so please accept my apologies if this is not the correct place and thank you for allowing me to share. I have a daughter who is going through a rough time at the moment. She is 15. She has a good (or what seems to me to be good) friendship group at school - majority of them are boys with the only two females being her and her friend. Recently one of the boys has said he would like a relationship with my daughter who has politely told him no but has found it very awkward with him being "one of her friends". This young man has consistently pushed my daughter to try and get her "to go out" with him but only by private messaging her - never says anything to her at school. Our concern is that he is now saying he is struggling and wants to die and has been thinking of doing so for a while - but by her entering a relationship with him it would make him happy. My daughter is beside herself as she is so scared that he will harm himself if she is too firm with him about no relationship. I suggested that for now we take off his personal Instagram messages to her so that she isn't receiving these unwanted advances. It is really affecting her now - she's not sleeping, I noticed her eating less than normal and I am now also taking her to school and she's not getting the bus in order to avoid him. It is just so so terribly distressing seeing her like this and we just don't know what to do as neither of us have the tools to deal with this. We don't want to be really abrupt with him and push him over the edge but he's not taking no for an answer either. We sat together and drew up a message to send to him when he mentioned about wanting to die, telling him that if he really feels that way he needs to speak to a trained professional if he can't talk to his parents (who I don't know). Has anyone else had similar experiences and how did you deal with it? I am trying at the moment to get her into speak to a youth counsellor as she has asked to speak to someone. Thank you from a very stressed mother