When it's all too much .

[lilley]

Some days you are strong you can push through the day ignoring the continued depression that surrounds you . You put on a smile and do and say all the right things .You make them smile and all seems possible but the darkness comes . You see the change the words they are tired, moody feeling lost angry . Nothing you do or say really matters they only see the darkness but you are lost because you see light you see hope you see the future but they do not. You really can't talk to friends .Everyone has an opinion.

I live with my husband who has depression and a daughter who has depression and the moments of happiness together are so precious but rare. Through all the darkness I see light but they do not but my light is dimming. Years have passed and with so many ups and downs and you think how amazing it is to survived so much and then life is really good only to say sorry but we are back to square one again and your life is in turmoil. How do you support the ones you love when they can't support themselves .

[Croix]

Dear Lilley~

Welcome back. The first thing I'd like to say is things are most definitely not back to square one when this happens. You have learned technique and manners that have worked in the past. They have come to know at the back of their minds you are source of comfort and love -even if their thoughts are all consumed with the black.

I remember that myself, even when suicidal I thought of my partner as a comfort, not a threat. Eventually that led to me confiding in her and getting proper treatment. It is easy to underestimate the effect you have. Just becuse words do not seem to work that is not the end of the matter.

When someone close rang me once or more a day over several months in the midst of grief over a partner dying very young I felt helpless and useless. I dreaded those calls. I talked of everything, even stored up jokes to tell. Nothing seemed to work. Later that person told me I had made all the difference.

I suspect that you, like many, regard yourself as an almost inexhaustible well of care and support for those you love. In the short term that can be fine, in the long term you find you are suffering yourself and you need support. In fact really you need support from day 1.

So may I ask firstly do you have support in your life? Family or a freind you can talk frankly wiht, who you can share your frustrations, worry and exhaustion with? It does make a big difference.

There are organizations who are there just for carers like you. If you are not going to one or a support group can I suggest you ring our 24/7 Help Line on 1300 22 4636 and ask what is available in your area?

The other question of course is do you have professional help? Having a GP or psych to talk with can make a real difference too, not only is you own mental health monitored, but there may well be ideas and techniques they might be able to tell you to make matter easier.

Your loved ones should be under medical treatment, I hope they are, it should never just all fall to you.

If I remember correctly a few years ago you mentioned pets. Do you still have any at home? They too play a part.

Croix