Dear Mads,
Hi, and welcome to the forum.
First of all, I want to tell you that I am not by any means any kind of professional. Just a fellow human being with some life experience.
If you notice my username - soberlicious, it may give you a hint as to an issue that I've had in my life; that being alcoholism. I have now been sober for quite a long time now, but before I got sober (in AA), I went to a 'sister' fellowship of AA called Al-anon. Al-anon is for friends and families of alcoholics and one thing I learnt in Al-anon, in regards to the disease of alcoholism - particularly that of my boyfriend at the time, is that I did not cause it, I could not control it, and not could I cure it.
In other words, there was nothing I could say or do, or not say or not do that would have an effect on his drinking, that he himself did not want to change.
What I'm getting at is that anorexia is much the same; what you say and do, or don't say and don't do will have very little effect on what your friend does or does not do in her illness of anorexia, unless she herself wants to do or not do the things that are helpful or unhelpful to her. There's a lot to be said for tough love, and sometimes, people with illnesses of that kind need to be not so much mollycoddled, as they do need to be brutally honest, and to be told harsh truths sometimes. ...... sometimes.
You can be there for her and support her recovery, but please remember this; you did not cause it, you cannot control it, and nor can you cure it.
My suggestion is to be there for her, support her as best you can, but also if you think she is slipping back into unhealthy behaviors, then be honest with her about that too. Don't walk on eggshells and avoid being honest with her, because that is quite possibly exactly what her illness would like.
And remember this; if food is not the problem, than starvation isn't gonna fix it. She needs to deal with whatever issue it is that is causing her to use unhealthy eating habits, rather than engaging in 'starving' the real problem.
And just one more thing; you are quite obviously a very caring friend who wants to be there for someone else and that is a wonderful quality! We all need someone to be in our corner, and it's great that you are there in her corner.
Take care. I'll be thinking of you both. xo
