After the contentment comes the tears

[myparis]

It's amazing how bipolar can trick you. How it can lull you into a false sense of security.

When there's been weeks of absolute bliss. When I'm pampered and cherished and spoilt and made to feel like the most treasured person on Earth, it's easy to forget that the horrible times will come around again. The cruel things will be said again and of course, the pain will come again to knock me for six.

I'm blamed for the failures and it's again brought to my attention my weakness as I cry and lose sleep. I'm again told to seek help from a Psychologist as I'm the one with the problems.

I've been here before.

I wonder again if he really loves me. Is he still here because he simply has no-where else to go? Does he remember saying those cruel words?

As the next 'cycle' begins, I start to hurt all over again. His mannerisms and actions change and I'm discarded.

All I need is a hug and to be told that he still loves me but I know it's near impossible for him to take me in his arms at this time. I love and accept this beautiful Man - I can't imagine my life without him, but sometimes I really need to dig deep to find the strength to continue.

I can't help but think, as I sit here typing away in the middle of the night, how unfair this all is. How we could find each other but be unable to truly share our lives together. I feel robbed and angry and want to scream at the top of my lungs. "Why can't this be different"!!

[quirkywords]

Welcome myparis to the forum. This is a friendly place full of supportive and kind people.

I was so moved by your post as I could feel the pain , frustration and love in words.

I have been living with a diagnosis os bipolar for over 40 years and was in denial for 16 years . you write so expressively about how the cycle lulls you into a false sense of security.

I understand in the good times it can seem hard to think there are cruel times ahead.

I assume he has he seen a doctor as he has a diagnosis so I wonder is he on any treatment or is he in denial.

I know he sees you as having the problem . When I was manic and feeling great I thought everyone else had a problem and wanted to stop me having fun.

I felt sad reading your words as I I hurt loved ones , not intentionally, but they still were in pain.

Bipolar can be difficult for both the person who has it and their partner.

It is unfair . Are you looking after yourself and getting help? The Black dog insitute web page is a useful resource. ?

In the good times is it possible to sit down and discuss what he is like in the bad times or is he totally oblivious of the changes.

I wonder if writing this post helped in any way.

Feel free to discuss this further and know you are not alone and there is support here.m

Quirky