Help needed

[Unsure77]

Hi

i recently walked out on my bi polar fiancé as it got abusive and nasty. I wish I had read Tony's post about the cuppa before doing so, I'm not a confrontational person at all, the is sure I cheated on her which I didn't as she contacted the person and was told the same thing, but still didn't believe either us. She told me she loved me and things would change every time I went back but never did. The last time I went back she hit me again so I walked. It's been nearly three weeks now I haven't heard from her. Her family hate me as they all think I cheated on her, she has told them I am a compulsive liar. I love and miss her so much.

have I made the right decision by leaving, not that I think I will ever see or hear from her again. She is all I have thought about since I left.

[Guest9337]

Just take that "goodbye" on board.

If She is willing to loose all the other 167 hours per week She could spend with you, because of u seeing ur parents 1 hour per week. Well that's her call. She is essentially saying that all those wonderful 167 hours per week with you, aren't good enough to cover that 1 hour u have with your parents.

Doesn't seem like a reasonable position to me. U?

[Unsure77]

She has now come back with it can call my parents when ever I want but she wants two weeks of me working on us first before I go and see them for the hr a week.

Is this a reasonable comprise?

[Guest9337]

It's fairly reasonable... consider...

You might say, well I'll call parents tonight, then the two weeks starts with Her tomorrow, then on day 15 I'll call my parents again but this time maybe for a 2 hour chat, and from then on 1 hour per week.

[Guest9337]

Another just popped up U77.

I recall u mentioned She's been taking your phones and also demanding to check them. Are you comfortable with that? I'm not personally, it's a deal breaker imo.

Is She going to come back to you one day and say, look u been on your phone for 90 minutes to your parents this week, that's breaking the rules, etc.

So ask for MORE than u might want/need to give yourself leeway to negotiate.

maybe : If i'm on a long drive by myself, or otherwise by myself, and I want to talk with parents/kids and you're not there, you have no say over that at all.

[Unsure77]

Hi dng

we were looking like having another good everything was looking good, I said I would ring my kids explain the weekend deal with them then call her back. So I called the kids spoke to them they were ok about it. Sent a text saying just having something to eat quickly call you in 5. Wasn't good enough couldn't wait called me then says that's not putting me first I won't come second to a sandwich. So I said this is no different to what is was like before I can't do this I won't be controlled. She said ok bye and has blocked me

[Guest9337]

ok, do you notice how she's putting her needs ahead of yours.

You can't eat, because I need to talk with you right now.

Sometimes that's reasonable, sometimes its not. Do you think it was reasonable that particular time?

A possible response, and because I'm diabetic I can say, well I had to eat right then because that keeps my blood sugar levels optimum.

Or, I wanted to eat the sandwhich right then so I wouldn't be hungry when having an awesome long chat/time with you directly after.

Or, ok goodbye thanks for...

or,..

[Guest9337]

Google the following, I reckon it'll assist...

Assertiveness - Better Health Channel Victorian Government

dng.

[Guest9337]

Morning U77!

I thought I'd just chuck up this lightening mood breaking way to say "see you later" or "goodbye". Its a book title from Douglas Adams works.

So long, and thanks for all the fish.

That might be a useful thing for you to do when She is breaking off communication angrily, something that acknowledges her anger and reflects it away harmlessly.

[Here2Talk]

Unsure how many kids do you have and how old are they?

[Unsure77]

I have 2 kids 17 and 13