Help needed

[Unsure77]

Hi

i recently walked out on my bi polar fiancé as it got abusive and nasty. I wish I had read Tony's post about the cuppa before doing so, I'm not a confrontational person at all, the is sure I cheated on her which I didn't as she contacted the person and was told the same thing, but still didn't believe either us. She told me she loved me and things would change every time I went back but never did. The last time I went back she hit me again so I walked. It's been nearly three weeks now I haven't heard from her. Her family hate me as they all think I cheated on her, she has told them I am a compulsive liar. I love and miss her so much.

have I made the right decision by leaving, not that I think I will ever see or hear from her again. She is all I have thought about since I left.

[Guest9337]

Confused again hey U77. right we at it again then...

bombshell update : SHE loves U77 despite distrust.

Messaging seeking info on what and who.

Speaking/verbalising? : > "move on to someone else". Thus confused!

******

Some opening positions for your options, not discounting any you've thought/felt about b4.

Love & distrust don't actually much go together in many people. Love is both Deep Trust and Shallow Trust. Trust that says, u can talk with other fems and I won't be jealous.

Trust that says, u can get hungry however you want, but you have to eat at home.

Trust that says, ... so u think about what Trust means to HER and YOU. Write em down please.

Options. Maybe she knows who u might move onto and knows they will give away your intentions to the other her.

Perhaps those two are cooperating either against you, or against each other or whatever, just might be something there I dk about.

Love is a great opening move and so is saying you are welcome to move on, those positions are in alignment. Yeh, because she might be saying, I love u so much, I can love u from afar and be happy u find someone other than me. That is one kind of true love.

Or she might be using them as the position, I love you, but I am hurt by what's happened so that love is turning bitter, I want to let it grow stale and diminish...

What do ya reckon?

[Unsure77]

It's definatley the last one dng, to start of with she did want to see me again, now it is bitter.

I am devastated that she is now homeless and with what's happened I have caused this, I feel terrible, broken

[Guest9337]

Ok U77. Love turned bitter, She homeless U devastated feel terrible n broken.

right we can work with that... smirk/lol.

Can you afford to help her homelessness somehow? Pay first month rent at new place? Or help with Bond?

Can you put Her in touch with local social services to assist Her with homelessness? Housing Trust is it called.

Would any of those help to revegetate your devastated field?

What exactly are you terrible/terror of?

Broken stuff mends, which bits n pieces will one re-solidify?

But also remember the anti-trust, always consider if/ how much Olive branch to extend. Fair restoration, not too much, not too little, maybe something u both content with, or both unhappy with. idk.

As for asking for intimate photos of otherfem during the 6 week "fight/break". Well have u addressed it directly with HER? Does she thinks it truly weakens ur position? Who can say, do u think it weakens ur position?

But so far, I think u77 is assured of connection with kids, and that's a big deal!

dng.

[Unsure77]

The photos have been addressed but it took me a long time to do it and it was after she had found out herself.

[Guest9337]

Ok, I suggest u77 aims to address potential future issues, prior to Her getting freaked out.

U77 may want to anticipate stuff to reduce stress in a fairly nice way.

[Unsure77]

Well dng it was looking like we were getting back together, but then I could only see my kids on weekends without the eldest boyfriend, them I said what about seeing my parents for an hr once a week or fortnight and she said no, no compromise. As my mum has said something previously which really upset her. My kids want to stay with me for two weeks at a time how do I tell them I can only see them on weekends. She is very ill on top of her other illness. So it got so far and very close and that's it done like that.

[Guest9337]

Hi u77. Good luck mate.

I personally would not accept being denied right to see my own parents, no matter what had happened between her and them.

It would be reasonable, in my opinion for HER not to see them if she so chooses, but it is not reasonable for her to deny you seeing them.

As for your kids - well mate, seeing your kids is one of your permanent positions, a deal breaker if not met.

Re 2 week visits. Whose house is it? What are the other options? Can the kids be put up in a local hotel? Explore means of meeting Her request, but don't simply just accept discontinuation of contact with your kids!

[Unsure77]

My kids want to spend 2 weeks with me but she only wants to do weekends with them. I haven't even told the kids that I have been speaking to her again. They might say that they want nothing to do with her

[Guest9337]

I advise u tell the kids and ask them what they think/feel about the situation.

Set boundaries for both kids and Her, if it's your house you have the lead position to lead for fair negotiation.

Maybe She goes away for weekends when kids come.

Maybe kids only come for 2 weeks, when She goes on holiday or sees other friends away.

Maybe kids come for visit in morning when She out having coffee with friends.

Ya follow me? You are a leader, communicate with everyone fairly and negotiate boundaries fairly! You got this.

dng

[Unsure77]

Well it's done as she isn't interested in me seeing my parents for 1 hr a week until I work on her first and when she is comfortable, so I said I can't do that. And she said goodbye