Help for the helpless!

[Mother_and_Son]

How do I help someone who doesn't want help? My son says he doesn't want to be here anymore and there is no point staying alive.How do I deal with this day in day out? Anyone gone through a similar thing...got any answers? I'm desperate as I think time is running out.

 

beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

[Jacko777]

Hi Mother (and Son),

Sorry to hear this mate, i am glad you have posted. Is your son getting professional help? Obviously he should be and it would help. You both need clarity as to what the problem is. 

As a parent i guess all you can do is offer love and and compassion. Be his rock even if it doesn't appear to have an effect. Give him hope that he can get through this, he can find help and find solutions. I know it is hard when your support falls on deaf ears, but really he is probably listening intently.

You can also search on Beyond Blue for 'carers' resources, I will have a look and link something here later. Love to you both.

Jacko

[BinnyBoo]

Your questions are the same ones I am haunted by day in day out. I have spent years trying to help my brother. He is someone who has struggled so much in life with such pain. Last week he disclosed to me the real truth that not only has he attempted to kill himself many times, he has googled ways on how to do it. He also suffers because he is married to someone who hates him and only ensures he feels shit about every part of who he is, he's always saying sorry to everyone and thinking he's a bad person. He's human and not a bad guy, he just can't seem to understand that it's not normal for someone to be so cruel to you and that his destructive marriage is making him want to give up on life and that's not normal. He just keeps trying and hoping he will get the love he wants and that life without this relationship isn't worth living. He self harms from it, he always asks himself "it's my fault somehow" and that he isn't worth being loved. Sadly the love of his family and me his baby sister doesn't seem to be enough to hold him strong. I have spent years chasing him down, trying to rescue him from a meltdown or episode of threatening his life. My hand is out and he just won't grab it. I can't give up on him ever but I'm haunted that one day it will come the phone call which will break my heart forever. I just can't seem to save him, I try so hard and knowing how even though he's cried "wolf" so many times threatening his life and saying goodbye a lot of people just start to disregard he even will. But me his baby sister the one he knows knows him better than anyone, I know and see his pain and I know he is sinking and his cries have always been real. I know he has tried to do terrible things to end his life and I'm afraid to say this out loud. My guts is sickened because I feel one day he will and I won't be able to stop it.  How can you help someone who won't help themselves, I fear the only answer seems to be you can't. It just isn't fair. So know your pain of having a loved one wanting to give up and not accept help is a hurt I also carry every day and night and I wish I could tell you something so reassuring and positive but I'm so scared also. My thoughts and prays are with all those suffering and the people who witness them drowning and being helpless to rescue. I pray your loved ones find their strength and that my brother may one day come back from all this. I must have hope because without this I I have nothing. 

beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

[Chris_B]

Hi Mother and Son and Binnyboo,

Welcome to the forums. This is a very common scenario, I'm afraid, but on the forums here you will find many people who have been through the same thing. Start with the threads below, and please reach out to our other members for support.

My partner is pushing me away

How should I respond to being pushed away by someone with depression?

Pushing me out, I'm helpless

He pushes us away - how do I help?

Pushing friends and loved ones away

I have pushed my husband away

Husband depressed says he wants to leave advice please!

Loving someone with depression when you're not sure they love you

I pushed my husband away

If you love someone with depression, you need to watch this