Having a parent with depression

[Nead]

I've run out of ways to try and help my mum. She has suffered from depression and anxiety my whole life. I've watched her self medicate and fall into the same cycle of what she would describe as a black hole for my entire life. Up until a year ago I was always incredibly supportive, trying to pick her up whenever she was down. Over the past year I've gone through some extremely tough times at which I thought I may be able to rely on her only to be severely disappointed, alone and angry. When I needed her most my situation seemed to upset her more than what it did me therefore she needed support more than I did. I've just given birth to my second child which I thought may pick her spirits up abit but that's not the case.

Im feeling like I just want to run away as her moods and sickness are getting to the point where they are effecting me too much and I'm starting to feel depressed. My husband is beyond watching me get upset whenever mum is feeling down. He says I should cut her off but whenever something like that is threatened with her she becomes suicidal and I can't deal with the guilt. I also know that it's taking its toll on my family and my mental health constantly taking on her problems with her mental health. I've tried many ways to try to get her help but the help isn't there. Even when she has made attempts to commit suicide she always is able to tell the doctors what they want to hear to be released from hospital. I don't know what to do anymore.

How do I protect myself or get her the help she needs? I can't keep carrying on the way iam as I'm starting to feel depressed myself.

[Croix]

Dear Nead~

Welcome to the Forum and thank you for your post. Reading your words one can understand the long train of events that have lead you to the point your are at now. At the moment the problems look overwhelming.

Coming to the forum is an excellent idea, there are many here who have a whole rang of experiences and wish to help those that follow with empathy and understanding.

There is an excellent sign on overhead lockers of passenger aircraft, it says:

Put oxygen mask on self before others.

You can work out what it means as well as I. If you are not in good form you are in no position to help others -assuming such help is possible.

With two childer, at least one extreamly youn you have your hands more htan full enough already

[Yana8216]

Wow darling, that's heavy. I don't know what services are out there to help your Mum, I hope there's something.

Congratulations on your second bub, that's wonderful!

Unfortunately depression & anxiety are often a lifelong issue, it would seem your Mum hasn't found or is un-receptive to helpful remedies. You can only do so much.

As difficult as it is, you need to put your children and your husband first.

Best wishes, love Yana.

[Croix]

I’m sorry Nead, the internet gave a glitch and the start of my post was put up before I finished, so I’ll go on now:

With two children, at least one extremely young, you have your hands more than full enough already.

It simply may not be possible to give your mother as much help as you have before.

You do mention that in the past year you have gone though some extremely tough times, which will have added to your burden. You husband sounds, from what you say, that he cares about you and is upset when you are upset – a natural reaction for someone you love.

May I suggest that you see to your health, both physical and mental, and that of your children as a first priority. It will do no harm – if you have not done so already - to have a long talk with your GP about the situation and make sure he checks that you are not being run down, anxious and possibly depressed by events. If you are the doctor may be able to help in those areas.

He may, in fact have suggestions about your mother’s situation and suicide attempts too.

Talking to your husband about the level of guilt you may feel if you abandoned your mother and she reacted as you feared may help him see that things are not cut and dried, and you need support, rather than diverging views at the moment.

Do you have other members of your family who can help with your mother?

Please continue to write – you will be assured of a caring reception

Croix