Feeling trapped and unsure of what to do

[Mountain12]

Hi, everyone, reaching out as I'm feeling anxious and depressed from my current situation. I feel that my wife has emotionally and physically abandoned me as she never wants to do anything with me (even when I suggest doing things as a family), and doesn't want any intimacy of any kind (including no sex for over a year). Despite this she spends her time volunteering and doing anything and everything for people outside of our household. When I suggest we do things together (going for a walk, watching TV together, etc.) she says she is too busy. We have 3 kids and the relationship between myself and my eldest son is strained as I try to set boundaries around screen usage which my wife undermines. I'm actively involved in kids sport and the local community when I can. We had marriage counselling which worked for about a week and then things fell by the wayside.    Lately when I've suggested we have a follow up session she says she doesn't want to or avoids the conversation.  When I try to have a conversation to let her know how I'm feeling and what I would like either gets angry or says she doesn't have time to discuss things.  I have a job that involves a heavy mental load and involves lots of travel that I find contributes to stress and fatigue. On top of this I work remotely when I'm not travelling and the only family I have are located in a different state.  I feel really isolated and I'm not sure of the next steps. I love my kids dearly and I'm concerned that if I leave the marriage they will blame me and won't want anything to do with me. However my self esteem and mental health are really suffering. Any thoughts or advice is appreciated. Thanks.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I always suggest that if going to counselling and the other party refuses to go, keep going on your own. This doesnt mean the issues are yours only but counselling also offers you perspectives and clarity on some topics that centre on the other party's behaviour and can make sense. 

Further advice is difficult as we dont know her at all and we only know you a little, another reason to continue counselling however if she shows concern as to what you are talking about I suggest you not let her know, she has opportunities to attend with you if she is worried about you going on your own. A simple reply "well I prefer not to discuss it, I'd rather you came along and that would help us all as a family".

Has she any hobbies? Sport? And time alone once a week like coffee at a cafe, light lunches etc is a must imo. 

I hope I've helped. 

TonyWK